Unofficial Third Calling

I found out from my bishop yesterday that the Ward Employment Specialists in my ward have appreciated the help I've provided in editing resumes enough that they have asked multiple times for me to be called as a welfare missionary.  In fact, just yesterday, the bishop had to tell them "no" twice.

The way he explained it to me is that I'm already fulfilling that need because I have the skills and I offered to help; I don't need a third calling to continue to do what I'm already doing.  Plus, by it being something for which I volunteer and not an official calling, I have a bit more flexibility on when I work on the resumes.  That's not to say that I put them off, just that I don't have to feel guilty for not getting to them right away.

Even so, I'm acting like I have another calling, even if it isn't on the records.

Nice Surprise

I just found out yesterday that I'm getting a raise!  It's not a terribly impressive one at just 3%, but it's the first raise I've gotten as a technical writer.  I've never stayed with a company long enough to earn a raise, but the curse was broken when I started at Danfoss and I'm seeing yet another great benefit of this job.  In the sixteen months that I've been with the company, I've been to Europe for the first time, I've written a guide that will be used company-wide, I've earned the respect of my coworkers, and I did it without a direct supervisor for five months straight.

Is this what success feels like?  I think this is what success feels like.  I like it.

Tuesdays with Media: Redwoods

Just like jazz, rock has nearly as many subgenres as bands.  One subgenre that I've gotten into more recently is "instrumental progressive metal," which I swear is a real style.  My favorite band in this category of music is Scale the Summit.  Don't let the "metal" part scare you, as their music actually has more in common with classical music than it does with traditional heavy metal, as illustrated in their single, "Redwoods":

If you want to see the lead guitarist play his part, watch this video.

One thing that I like about Scale the Summit is that all of the band members are not only very skilled musicians, but they play non-traditional instruments: both guitarists play seven-string guitars and the bassist plays a six-string bass -- so even if I develop the required skill to play one of their songs, I still wouldn't have the necessary equipment.  Another thing I like about this particular prog metal band is that they have a theme: nature.  They refer to their style as "adventure metal," with song titles that invoke images of going on an amazing journey or swimming with majestic sea creatures.

While some prog metal bands are too far on the metal side of the spectrum and others are too far on the progressive side, Scale the Summit is usually just right for me.

Thanks for joining me for another March as we explored different instrumental songs that I like.  I think we have a tradition on our hands ...

Scale the Summit's music is distributed by Prosthetic Records.

Asylum: Granted

Remember my old roommate from Nigeria, Samuel?  He originally came to the US seeking asylum, as his life had been threatened in his home country.  Immigration is not a simple operation in the US and Samuel had been waiting for his hearing date for years.  Yesterday, Samuel sent me a text to tell me that he had been granted asylum!  Plus, with his legal status out of limbo, he's expecting his family will join him in just a few months.  It's been a long process for him and I'm happy that his patience and long-suffering have paid off.

Slow Week

A week at work for me often consists of working on multiple of projects that all have immediate deadlines.  Like, I have time to get everything done, but my long-term projects always get pushed aside.  Well, this week has been different.  I went through my calendar and realized that I was all caught up.  It was kind of weird, but in a nice way.  I've been spending most of my week updating a guide to writing in English that I'm creating -- it's a big project and will probably take a year or two to complete.

The one down side to having more time is that, without the sense of rushing to meet the deadlines, the days go by a lot slower.  But I'm not complaining, because I know it won't be long before I have to start working on several projects at once again.

Tuesdays with Media For Mom

Remember last month when I posted about the talented and bizarre guitarist, Buckethead?  Well, my grandma left a comment saying that what I called music was really just noise, at least as far as she was concerned.  Fair enough.  Let's try again with the Spanish-flavored "For Mom."

From his fourth studio album Colma, Buckethead plays a beautiful, slightly haunting acoustic piece with moments of thoughtful sadness as well as apprehensive happiness.  The entire album was written for his mother, who was recovering from colon cancer surgery, and he wanted to make her some music that she would like listening to while healing.  The other songs on the album are also acoustic and he shows off his skills without coming across as flashy.

So even if you didn't care for the last song I posted by this artist, I hope you'll give him another chance because he has made some truly beautiful music (while wearing a bucket on his head).

Special Communication

I was set apart yesterday in my new capacity as Ward Communications Specialist.  When my duties were first explained to me, it mostly amounted to "take care of the bulletin."  However, the email I got after church yesterday detailed what my responsibilities were actually going to be.

1. Coordinate Sunday Bulletin
⦁ Work with Executive Secretary to get speakers, prayer assignments, and announcements into bulletins each week.
⦁ Print bulletins prior to Sacrament Meeting and provide printed copies to greeters.
2. Email Communications
⦁ Work with Bishopric to develop a strategic communications plan.
⦁ Assist in crafting messages.
⦁ Help send messages when appropriate.
3. Emergency Communications
⦁ Assist Bishopric in devising Emergency Communication Plan.
⦁ Identify resources to enable mass communication system (emails, robo-calls, texts, etc.).
4. Letters to Members
⦁ Assist the Bishop in sending out letters when appropriate.
5. Develop Backup Plans
⦁ Ensure that responsibilities are handled when you must be absent.

That looks an awful lot like the responsibilities for some form of technical writer, doesn't it?  I guess the Lord had plans for me when he sent me to live here.

I'm happy for my new calling and look forward to fulfilling my duties.

Hearing Date

I originally filed for divorce back on March 23, 2015.  Finally, nearly a year later, I have a hearing date.  I was hoping to have things wrapped up by the end of this month, but apparently, that was expecting too much.  My hearing date is in the middle of May.

In some ways it's depressing that the hearing is still so far away, and yet, I'm not saddened by it.  While it's not as soon as I wanted it to be, I do finally have a date.  Time will crawl forward and before I know it, I'll be standing in court.  I know that after the hearing, there will still be some time while everything is being processed before I'm officially single, but that will be a week or two at the most.

I guess I should keep my eyes open for good places to take a first date during the summer, because I plan on going on a lot of first dates.  And now I know when I can start.

And Now We Meet Around the Board Game

Last night was game night at Mike's house.  I met Mike and Rob, along with two of Mike's coworkers, Joe and Jason.  Mike, Joe, and Jason are all salesmen for Vivint Solar and Rob is a professor that trains new professors how to teach.  An interesting group, but I was able to find things on which we related, so there was always something about which to talk.

The game that Mike chose was Chicago Express, a game about buying stock in railroad companies and building track to Chicago.  Because there are multiple stocks per company, the dynamic of the game was constantly changing: a rival could sudden become a teammate if they buy a share of stock in your company.  I didn't win, but I still had fun.

I usually try to go to the gym during the week to help keep my spirits up, but I'm glad I took a night off and had some fun with some friends.

Tuesdays with Media: The American't

Because any musical genre has certain qualities that make it that genre, you can't go too far outside the establishment before you become a new genre.  This has the unfortunate effect of making a lot of songs sound the same, at least within a particular genre.  That's why when a song clearly adheres to the parameters of a genre and yet sounds like nothing you've heard before, you take notice.  That's how I experienced the first song I ever heard by Christian Scott, "The American't."

Like Herbie Hancock's "Cantaloupe Island" or Dave Brubeck's "Take Five," "The American't" grabs your attention with an amazing rhythm section that doesn't vary much throughout -- not that you'd want it to.  I must admit, I only kind of hear Scott playing his trumpet in this song: the guitar, piano, bass, and drums are so captivating, they're almost hypnotic.

Scott has some other great songs with surprising names, like "Jihad Joe," which has more amazing rhythm guitar, and "The Eraser," which is a more traditional jazz song.  While I haven't explored all of Scott's discography, I have yet to be disappointed by what I've heard from him.  If you're in the mood for some jazz that's different from the rest of the genre, check out Christian Scott.

(Weird thing: Scott is exactly one day younger than me.  It has no bearing on my opinion of him, but it does stand out.)

"The American't" is off of Christian Scott's album, Yesterday You Said Tomorrow, which is distributed by Concord Music Group.

Diagnosis: Negative

I got my results for the sleep study in which I participated.  They were disappointing.  It turns out, I'm fine.  I snore lightly (which I knew), but it in no way affects my breathing and my oxygen levels were normal through out the night.

The results would be good, except now there are more questions.  I know that I've woken up during the night in the past not breathing, but now I have to wonder if those times were unusual or if I slept atypically during the study.

For now, I'm going to focus on changing my medication.  I should be approved this week to start the transition.  If the levetiracetam is causing the majority of my problems, I don't want to change other variables and miss something.

I guess the results being negative was a good thing and I was just hoping for an easy answer.  I'll simply have to keep investigating until I find the correct solution.

Heck of a Week

I've had a rough week.  The sleep study threw me off, first by making it so I had to skip the gym and second by making me endure the anxiety of having a stranger touch my face and head as they attached electrodes.  Despite my best efforts, I was unable to make it to the gym the rest of the week.  I've mentioned before that exercise helps me keep my anxiety and depression in check and without it, I was drowning.  It got so bad that when I got to work yesterday, I felt like I was going to break down and cry at my desk.

I decided that I needed to do something, so I text messaged my home teacher and asked him for a blessing that evening.  I've been honest with him about my recent struggles, so he wasn't surprised and he agreed to meet me soon after I got home from work.  Throughout the rest of the day, I got a bit better and I was able to be productive (and I never cried).

When I got home, I was nervous about having a visitor since my apartment is not in great shape.  I keep my kitchen clean, but I haven't cleaned the rest of it in a while.  It's not filthy or anything, but there's clutter that needs to be taken care of.  Picking things up would probably only take about twenty minutes, but since I've had trouble leaving the house some days, having a clean apartment hasn't been a priority.  Still, I at least cleared off one of my couches in case he wanted to sit down.

I didn't have to wait long before there was a knock at my door.  I let in my home teacher, Rob, and a member of the Elder's Quorum presidency, Mike.  I thanked them for coming and explained that I suspected that my worsening symptoms might be caused by the nocebo effect (basically, since I found out about the side effects of levetiracetam, my symptoms caused by the medication have worsened).  They administered to me and I was told to turn to my family for strength and comfort and to remember that the ward is here to help me.  I instantly felt better.

After I got up and shook their hands, we chatted for about ten minutes.  They both have struggled with depression and offered some advice on how they cope (I also learned that Mike went to the MTC with an Elder who served in my mission, had a seizure while behind the wheel, and was sentenced to a year in jail.  I didn't remember the Elder's name, but the specifics were close enough that asked where the Elder served and, sure enough, it was Cleveland, Ohio.  Small world.).  As we chatted, we ended up making plans for a game night on Tuesday.  Who knew that depression could bring people together?

After Rob and Mike left, I decided to go for a run.  The weather was beautiful for this time of year, and I needed to do some exercising.  Since the sun was going down, I made sure to wear my reflective visibility vest so drivers would see me.  I was nearly done with my run when I got distracted, didn't watch where I was stepping, and tripped and fell.  It was weird because it seemed like nearly recovered three separate times before I finally met the pavement.  I skinned my right elbow, got some scrapes on my right leg, and I think I the bruised the palm of my right hand and part of my left foot (I won't know for sure for a couple of days).  All in all, it could have been much worse.  I was even able to run the rest of the way home.

There is one truly annoying thing that happened, though: I fell on my phone.  Since I don't have a fancy smart phone, it'll be easy and inexpensive to replace.  The good news is that my phone still works; the bad news is that with the screen busted, I can't send or receive texts (I mean, I can, but I won't be able to read them).  Even with the injuries and busted phone, I'm happy that I went running.

This week has not been an easy one, but I have reasons to believe that the future will be brighter.

Sleep Study

Monday night through Tuesday morning, I participated in a sleep study.  It was mostly what I expected, but there were a few surprises.

On the Friday before, I called ahead and preregistered by providing some basic information and confirming that I would, in fact, be showing up as promised.  I also filled out a packet of information that I had received in the mail about my medical and sleep history.  The paperwork was poorly written and asked a lot definitive yes/no questions that should have been on a scale, but I did the best I could.

On Monday evening, I skipped the gym and went straight home.  I had a few hours before I had to be at the sleep center, so I took care some preparations for the next day before heading out.  I reviewed the packet one last time, which was good because the person to whom I spoke when I preregistered told me that the only things I would need would be a photo ID and my insurance card, but the packet said to also bring pajamas (I also brought my Kindle so I could read a book while I waited to fall asleep).

When I got to the sleep center, they had more paperwork for me to fill out, which often referenced the first packet but by a different name than was used on that packet.  To put it another way, the first packet had "Sleep Survey" written at the top, but it was called "Sleep History" in the second packet.  The misnaming, along with more difficult-to-answer questions left me so frustrated that in the comments section, I asked that administration find a technical writer to help them with their paperwork.  After I finished with the paperwork, I changed into the clothes in which I would be sleeping and sat in a chair and and read while I waited for the technician to come in and hook me up to the monitoring device.  After about forty minutes, she came in and got started.

I should point out that I was not very comfortable about the whole experience.  I don't like being touched by most people, certainly not on my face, but I knew that was part of the process so I had prepared myself for it.  Even so, I was not talkative; I don't believe that I was rude, but I didn't engage in any small talk with the tech.  I basically sat in a chair at looked at the wall in front of me while she glued, taped, and strapped different electrodes and monitors all over me.  It took about fifteen minutes to attache everything and once it was all done, I had to carefully position the wires coming off of everything every time I moved.

It took longer than usual for me to fall asleep, which isn't surprising since not only was I in an unusual bed, but I had a bunch of stuff stuck to my face and head.  Even so, I feel like I slept decently, despite waking up twice during the night.  The tech called my name through the intercom to wake me up around 5:30 in the morning and I woke up pretty much instantly.  It took another five or six minutes to unhook me from everything, but once that was done, I was on my way.  Result should be made available in seven to ten business days.

The sleep study was an annoying process to endure, but I hope that it ends up being worth the frustration and I can finally be diagnosed with the right kind of sleep apnea so that I can start looking into treatment.

Tuesdays with Media: Lady Nothing

One thing that I like about instrumental songs is that they can be interpreted so many more ways than songs with lyrics.  Not only that, but a song's meaning can change over time.  That's how I've experienced "Lady Nothing" by Bert Jansch.

Jansch was a Scottish folk guitarist and singer who first made it big in mid-60s and was sometimes called the "British Bob Dylan."  He made such an impact that Led Zeppelin, arguably the greatest rock band of all time, stole one of his songs (Jansch's record label didn't think they could win the case and decided not to pursue legal action).

As for today's song, it's my favorite of Jansh's works.  It has a bouncy rhythm and a sad tone.  When I first heard it, I had just filed for divorce.  Seeing the name and linking it to the music made me think about a man who is trying to tell himself that the woman he's lost was no one special (or "nothing"); I saw it as a song about lying to yourself.  Now, with my divorce nearly completed, the song is still melancholy, but not in the same way.  Now I hear a song that's sad, not because the lost love is irreplaceable, but because you realize that she was never who you thought she was: the sadness is not from lying to yourself now, but from realizing you've been lying to yourself the whole and are only now seeing the truth.

"Lady Nothing" is one of those songs that I reacted to strongly when first hearing it.  Now, more than a year later, it's meaning has changed, but it still touches my heart in a way that few other songs have.

"Lady Nothing" is from Bert Jansch's album L.A. Turnaround, which is distributed by Charisma Records.

Incremental Improvement

Friday evening after work, as I was driving home, I felt myself starting to get anxious.  I had no plans for the weekend and that usually ends in disaster.  I hadn't slept well the night before, so I decided to skip the gym, which made it easier to make unhealthy choices regarding what I ate for dinner.  Still, I reigned things in, ate a modest dinner, and went to bed early.

I woke up on Saturday feeling better, but I was still tired, despite getting plenty of sleep.  I got up and ate breakfast,  but I never felt like I really woke up.  After fighting the fatigue for a couple of hours, I took a nap.  I struggled to wake up when my alarm went off, but I eventually pulled myself out of bed.  I ate some fruit to raise my blood sugar and get me moving, which helped, but I still felt weird.  I wanted to make it to the gym or even just do my grocery shopping for the week, but I wasn't able to leave my apartment even once that day.

After the last day-and-a-half, I was afraid that I wouldn't make it to church on Sunday, so I fasted that I would attend my meetings the next day.  Thankfully, that helped and I made it to church in time for Sacrament meeting.  I was still feeling anxious and I wasn't able to participate in any of the lessons, but I was there, which is better than I managed last week.

I've been praying a lot about the upcoming change to my medication and I feel that it's a good move.  I don't know if the next drug will be what I stick with for the long haul, but it will at least mark the beginning of my investigation.  I know that if it's a struggle for me to just function on a day that I don't have work, there's something majorly wrong.  Still, at least I left the house and made it to church; that alone make this weekend a win.

The End is Near

The State of Maryland has a website where you can look up the current status of open legal cases.  Unfortunately, the site only says what forms have been submitted by involved parties or what notices have been issued by the court.  To put it another way, I highly suspect that the final hearing in my divorce has been set, but I don't know the date of it yet.  I should get the official notice in the mail in the next few days.  Until then, I eagerly await it, hoping that it will be sooner rather than later.

Experimenting

I talked to my neurologist yesterday.  I explained to her what I've been going through and how I wasn't sure if the levetiracetam that I've been taking for over the last two years was affecting me negatively.  She listen to me and offered an alternative anti-convulsant that is also sometimes used to treat depression.  I'm a little wary of taking an antidepressant with my normal medication, but one medication that works as both?  That doesn't sound so bad.

Now, just because my doctor approved the medication and her office called in a prescription for me, it's not an easy change to make.  First off, the new medication does pose the risk of liver damage, so before I can begin, I have get some blood work done (along with every six months thereafter to monitor my vitals, particularly my liver).  When the results deem me healthy enough, I can slowly make the transition -- in addition to drowsiness and increased anxiety and depression, levetiracetam also has this side effect (from the primary manufacturer's website): "Stopping a seizure medication all at once can cause seizures that will not stop, a very serious problem."  While I think that calling "seizures that will not stop" a "very serious problem" is putting things a bit mildly, it's also misleading: while many anti-convulsants have this effect, not every one does.

Now I'm just waiting for the paperwork so I can go to the lab for the blood work.  Once I'm cleared, I'll begin the transition, which will take two weeks.  While I am optimistic, I also need to watch for any other potential problems.  Even if my depression eases up when I switch, there may be other changes to my mood or behavior.  But nothing will change unless I try something different, so here's hoping this new medication works better.

Tuesdays with Media: Satori

As I did last year, I'm dedicating the month of March to instrumental music that I think is awesome.  Up first is John Danley playing his guitar with a paintbrush:

I love the the fact that Mr. Danley is being so creative with his instrument: he plays the body like a drum, he slides the paintbrush down the coiled strings, and he hammers hard enough with his left hand that he never needs to strum or pluck.  The song itself, "Satori," is mostly in a minor key, so it sounds dark, but never in a scary or evil way; more mysterious, if anything.

Danley's also good at crowd work as can be seen when he tells a fun, meandering story before playing a more traditional song.

I find music especially fun when you get a chance to see a musician perform a song and they are clearly having a blast with it.  John Danley does that in spades.

"Satori" is from the album Cemeteries, Missed Trains, & Blues Skies, distributed by Apriori Records.