Nearing the End

My divorce hearing is on Friday afternoon.  It's been nearly a year-and-a-quarter since I first applied for divorice, but the day has finally come.  I have all of my paperwork ready to go and I bought a suit to look as presentable as possible.  And yes, I'll finally be shaving my way past annoying beard (though I did get more compliments on it this weekend than ever before).

It's been a long road to get here, but it looks like it'll all be over soon.  The hearing is at 1:30 PM EDT, if you would like to lend a prayer at or before the time of the main event.

Incremental Improvement

Friday evening after work, as I was driving home, I felt myself starting to get anxious.  I had no plans for the weekend and that usually ends in disaster.  I hadn't slept well the night before, so I decided to skip the gym, which made it easier to make unhealthy choices regarding what I ate for dinner.  Still, I reigned things in, ate a modest dinner, and went to bed early.

I woke up on Saturday feeling better, but I was still tired, despite getting plenty of sleep.  I got up and ate breakfast,  but I never felt like I really woke up.  After fighting the fatigue for a couple of hours, I took a nap.  I struggled to wake up when my alarm went off, but I eventually pulled myself out of bed.  I ate some fruit to raise my blood sugar and get me moving, which helped, but I still felt weird.  I wanted to make it to the gym or even just do my grocery shopping for the week, but I wasn't able to leave my apartment even once that day.

After the last day-and-a-half, I was afraid that I wouldn't make it to church on Sunday, so I fasted that I would attend my meetings the next day.  Thankfully, that helped and I made it to church in time for Sacrament meeting.  I was still feeling anxious and I wasn't able to participate in any of the lessons, but I was there, which is better than I managed last week.

I've been praying a lot about the upcoming change to my medication and I feel that it's a good move.  I don't know if the next drug will be what I stick with for the long haul, but it will at least mark the beginning of my investigation.  I know that if it's a struggle for me to just function on a day that I don't have work, there's something majorly wrong.  Still, at least I left the house and made it to church; that alone make this weekend a win.

Of Illnesses and Doctor Visits

I hate going to the doctor's.  It's time out of my day that could be spending doing something else, usually working.  When it's for big stuff, like after my first seizure, it's much less annoying, but if I have a cold or the flu, I will tough it out using over-the-counter medications and homeopathic treatments.  A big reason for my behavior is that I've gone to see doctors for past colds who've basically told me that I needed to just rest and get over it.

However, after another rotten day and a lousy night's sleep, I decided to go to a local urgent care facility.  I'd looked up my symptoms and how long I'd been sick and thought that my chances of it being taken seriously were pretty good.  Even so, I said a prayer before I left home and I felt that I was making the right decision.

It took a while for me to be seen, but once I saw the doctor and explained everything, he measured my vitals, felt under my throat, and decided I had an upper respiratory infection.  I got a prescription for antibiotics and a nasal spray.  It was pretty easy.

(What was also easy was my payment.  When the receptionist asked how I'd be paying and I gave the name of my insurance, she seemed to be delightfully surprised.  I know that being uninsured is technically illegal now, but her reaction makes me believe that plenty of people have decided that the fines are easier to handle than regular membership fees.)

In the end, I'm glad that I did my best to get better on my own, but I'm also happy that I was able to recognize -- and receive confirmation -- that I needed get additional help.

Trivial Experience, Profound Lesson

The other day while I was at the gym, I needed a bench in order to perform my next exercise.  Unfortunately, all of the benches were in use.  I started thinking about if I should change my routine and do a different exercise next when I was prompted to pray that a bench become free.  I hesitated, not because the request was unimportant, but because I felt unworthy to ask for help.  Since I've been on vacation for the past couple of weeks, my daily routine has been disrupted and I've been neglecting my scripture study (which I usually do in the morning as I'm getting ready for work).  As I was thinking that I shouldn't pray, the Spirit prompted me to do so anyway, reminding me that I didn't need to be worthy to pray.

I said the prayer and a bench was free in less than a minute.  The experience was pretty silly, but the lesson was pretty important: we never need to worry about our worthiness when it comes to talking to our Father in Heaven.  I may have learned the lesson under trivial circumstances, but the lesson was still a good one.

Metaphorical Relationship

I spoke in Sacrament Meeting yesterday.  The topic was "staying in the church," which is something with which I have some experience.

I opened by introducing myself and talking about what I do for a living.  After a brief explanation about what a technical writer does, I mentioned that when I was in college, I studied a lot of literature, which included the basic three-act story structure.  To give a better example of a three-act story, I told the congregation to think about any Romantic Comedy that they had seen, as it would follow that format.  The problem with Rom-Coms, I said, is that they end with the two people deciding to be a couple or get married, with the implication that "they lived happily ever after."

With the introduction complete, I said that our membership in the Church is like a relationship with the Savior -- He's even called "the bridegroom" in more than one parable.  When we're first investigating the Church, that's the Rom-Com part of our relationship with Him.  As time goes on, however, it's easy to become complacent in our relationship.  Just as with real relationships, we need to work hard to keep things going.  The excitement that we felt at the beginning is replaced with dependency; that's not a bad thing and our long-lasting relationships can be very rewarding -- as we help our partner achieve their goals, work to make them happy, and they support us during trials and sorrow, we bless and strengthen each other -- but it's not as easy as when we first fall in love.

Then I shared that I'm in the process of getting divorced.  I said that despite several years together, the divorce was for the best, because for the last three years, I've been the only one working on our marriage and a marriage cannot work if only one person is giving it their all.  Such is the case with our membership in the Church, but difference is that the Lord will always be there for us: the only point of failure in our relationship with Him is us.

I then rhetorically asked what do we do to make our relationship with the Savior last?  The common answers we always use work, though they aren't exciting: read our scriptures, pray, attend our church meetings, etc.  Our membership won't be as exciting as at the beginning, but it will be more rewarding.  I then bore my testimony and sat down.

After the meeting, I had several people come and thank me for my talk, including one visiting sister who came to me with tears in her eyes and told me that I had said exactly what she had needed to hear.  I had worked on my talk, making notes and writing down scripture references, but it only came together right when I stood up to speak.  I know that the words that were given to me to speak were inspired by the Spirit and I'm grateful that I was prepared to receive them.

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I want you to do something for me.  Find a dollar bill, the denomination is unimportant.  Got it?  Okay, look at it with the portrait facing up.  Now, fold the bill in half so that the long edge is shortened.  Do that same fold again, so that the bill is its normal height but only a quarter its length.  Now look at the folded bill and imagine a brown wolf spider about that size, only the legs half off of the edges.  That's what I found in my apartment Monday morning.

[Pause for screaming and/or skin-crawling to subside]

I got up earlier than usual on Monday so I could go into the office and teleconference with the other technical writers in Denmark.  However, I was also expecting maintenance to come by to repair a busted closet, so I decided to tidy up a bit.  I'd kept my room mostly in order, but I had some jeans on the floor that I needed to fold and put in the dresser.  I picked up the jeans and saw the wolf spider on the floor.  I immediately dropped the clothes and shook my arms and legs -- not because I wanted to make sure I didn't have a spider on me, but because I had an extreme case of the willies.

I said a quick prayer and decided to suck it up with the hose of the vacuum.  Once the vacuum was set up, I attached the wand so I didn't have to get any closer than necessary.  I tried to suck the spider up, but it walked away a little, apparently only annoyed.  I was already feeling anxious, but after a failed attempt at eliminating my foe, my anxiety turned into panic.  The problem with finding arachnids on carpet is that it's really hard to smash them.  When I was in Oklahoma, Allison and I found two live scorpions in our apartment, both on the carpet.  I smashed the first with a hardcover textbook, but it took six or seven really hard whacks to kill it.  Allison sucked up the other one with the vacuum, which is probably why I thought to use that tactic again.  (In case you're wondering, I'll take scorpions over spiders any day.)

I said another prayer, this one while stuttering, and felt prompted to use the vacuum again, but this time I used the spinning brush.  The spider hadn't moved since the last attempt, but I was still freaking out.  I psyched myself up and quickly ran it over with the vacuum.  Well, I tried to run it over.  What ended up happening was I shoved the spider against the baseboard and smashed it.  Not what I was going for, but I'll take it.  However, the spider still wasn't dead!  I had busted it up pretty bad, but it was still trying to hobble away.  I switched back to the hose (and wand!) and sucked up the half-dead spider.  With the spider finally dispatched, I relaxed and let out a quick scream.

This was not the first spider I've found in my new apartment, but it is the first one that didn't spin a web.  Spiders with webs, while I don't like them, are pretty harmless.  And yes, I know that the only poisonous spider in Maryland, the black widow, spins a web.  I'm not talking about physically harmless but psychologically harmless.  If the spider is a spinner, it's going to hang out in the corner and leave me alone.  Wolf spiders don't spin and can get ridiculously big.  That makes it tough for a man who, for the most part, has conquered his arachnophobia.  I've called the apartment manager about the problem to see if we can figure something out because three-inch (plus!) long wolf spiders are not acceptable.

Unplanned Invitation

Yesterday at church, I was chatting with the Elder's Quorum President (turns out he's preparing for the New York City Marathon) when he was called away.  It was only a few minutes before Sacrament Meeting was scheduled to start, so I just sat where I was and read the bulletin.  A few minutes later, he came back and asked if I wouldn't mind helping to bless the sacrament.  I said that I, in fact, did not mind and I followed him to the sacrament table.

(As a quick aside, my ward has a lot of recent converts, and many of them are either single or are young families.  As a result, we have a very small youth program, including Aaronic Priesthood.  I had noticed that adults blessed the sacrament every Sunday, but this was the first time I was asked to participate.)

I was asked to bless the water.  When I was younger and regularly blessing the sacrament, either as a priest or as a counselor in the Elder's Quorum Presidency in the Young Single Adult Ward, a leader brought up that too often, those blessing the sacrament were rushing through the prayer and not allowing people to appreciate the words being spoken.  So ever since then, whenever I'm asked to bless the sacrament, I slow things down and give longer pauses between phrases.  I don't know if anyone got something more out of the way I said the prayer, but it at least helped me from making any mistakes.

While I was not expecting to be asked to bless the sacrament, I was happy for the opportunity and grateful that I was worthy to jump in, despite being unprepared.

The Worst Part

I have said more than once that the worst thing about my job is the commute, but that's unfair.  Not because the company I work for has no control over how far their office is from where I live, but because having a longer commute has its benefits.

In the morning, I take time to pray vocally.  It's a wonderful experience to be able to converse with my Father in Heaven everyday.  Even in the short time that I've been working for Danfoss, I've received some revelations regarding challenges that I face and I don't think I would have gotten them if I hadn't set aside time every morning to have a conversation with Him.

After I pray, I drive in silence for a while.  Life is full of too many distractions, so it's nice to just drive and let my mind wander - introspection is not a terrible thing after all.

After a few minutes, I turn on the radio and listen to the news.  This may seem to contradict what I just said about having some quiet time, but this is actually important.  Working in an office, I'm obligated to make small talk with people from time to time.  While I don't have to be familiar with every recent event to get by, it's still a good idea to have at least a vague sense of what's happening in the world.

In the evening, I'm tired from a full day of work, so having something to occupy my mind is helpful in keeping me alert.  I've listened to a few podcasts, but I recently started listening to an audiobook.  Again, this is just in the evening, but it's something that I look forward to.

And so with a little creativity, the worst part of my job is not only not that bad anymore, but it's actually an important part of my day.

Fresh Start

I don't have much to report on my job status.  I've been applying to a lot of jobs and I've been hearing back from a lot of them.  I had one interview on Tuesday and I'll have another today.

As I've mentioned to a lot of people already but have yet to write about, this round of unemployment is already much better than the last one.  Last time it was right after Thanksgiving and no one was looking to do any hiring, while the beginning of fall is an natural "fresh start" time of year.  Last time I was still recovering from my seizure when I was let go, while I now have my condition under control.  Last time the longest professional job I had had had lasted five months, while my most recent job was in place for around eight.  Last time I had forgotten to ask permission to take writing samples with me and had to use writing samples from my college days, while this time I got permission to take a couple of samples with me to show off my skills.  Last time it took several weeks before I heard back from anyone, while this time I got calls the day after I updated my profile on several job sites.

Another thing that I've been feeling this time is that this next job will be a better fit.  When I prayed about taking the job at CAS Severn, the answer didn't come easily and it basically amounted to "Well, what else are you going to do?"  I only had the one job offer so it would have been foolish to not take it.  The answer I received, along with the experience I had there, lead me to believe that working for CAS Severn was a sort of "in between" job.  I see now that it wasn't a very good fit for me, but it did help to pad out my resume and I did learn a lot while there.  That said, I think that the next job that I'll take will be a much better fit and will be "the one," at least for now.

Of course, take everything I've written here with a grain of salt because, as previously stated, I don't have any offers yet.  Hopefully, that won't last long.

Employed

That's right people, I am now officially an employee for Prometric, a company that provides testing services for things like business certifications or even academic exams.  My title will be Jr. Technical Writer, which just makes me feel really happy inside.  Not only will I be working again, but I'll be doing what I've wanted to do for at least the last five years (specifically technical writing; I've wanted to be a writer for at least the fifteen years) and I'll have a snazzy job title to match.

Now, the job isn't perfect.  It's on the far side of Baltimore, which means that I'll actually have a pretty hefty commute to contend with (though, the building I'll be working in is right by a harbor, so the view from the parking lot is nice).  Also, it's only a contract position.  The way it stands right now, it's a contract that lasts six months to a year, with the possibility of it becoming a permanent position.  Because it's a contract position, I'll be working for an employment agency rather than directly for Prometric.  That means no benefits package.  Hopefully, I've made all of my ER trips for the next good, long while.

Even with all of the failings this job has, it's still pretty awesome.  I am totally looking forward to being employed again as being alive is expensive and I'll need income to continue doing it.  Also, and this is pretty big, my main job will be writing in a professional capacity.  Even if the job only last for six months, that's six more months that I can put down on my resume.

I want to once again thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers on my behalf.  I've had a lot of phone calls with people checking up on me to see how I've been doing.  Starting Monday, I'll be able to say that things are "just fine."  Just the way I like them.

Fresh Spring

Thank you to everyone that has been offering prayers on my behalf.  Being unemployed is never easy, even in the best of circumstances.

I had my first interview yesterday.  Without going into too much detail, the job is for an actual technical writing position at a construction company that also does some design work.  They seem understanding of my situation and that losing my job was not due to anything in my control.  I feel that I answered the questions well and with the right amount of exuberance to sell myself properly.  My limited experience has also been taken into account.

Now, this was simply an interview, not a job offer, so nothing may come of it, but job offers only come from job interviews, so at least I'm on the right track.

I also have another interview this Friday.  Again, this would be for another technical writing position, but this one at an HVAC manual publisher.  Having options would not be a bad thing.

On top of that, a third recruiter called me, but I was getting ready for the interview and didn't hear my phone that was in the other room.  When I called her back, I just got her voicemail; I'm sure we'll be able to connect today sometime.

I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father who is absolutely helping me out in my time of need. I have had quite a dry spell with regards to my job search, but it seems that I may have found a spring with which to renew myself.

Rain or Shine

Yesterday, as I was preparing for my evening run, I noticed storm clouds looming menacingly overhead.  Considering that I had had such success last week at stopping the rain with faith and a prayer, I didn't think too much of it.  I finished stretching and hit the pavement.

Before I was even a quarter of the way into my run, I started to feel a few drops of moisture fall on me.  I ignored it since a few sprinkles wasn't really enough to hinder anything.  Then it started to rain ever so lightly.  I thought to myself that this wasn't right: if I was having faith that the Lord would stop the rain, he should stop it.  Then I got a prompting that explained what was happening: "But if not..."

During the April 2004 General Conference, there was a wonderful talk given by Dennis E. Simmons of the Seventy that has remained one of my favorites ever since (seriously, if you aren't familiar with this talk, go and read it).  The talk references when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were threatened with death if they did not worship the idols of the king. As Daniel 3:17-18 says:

If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

These three had faith enough to fear God more than idols and believed that he would save them from suffering death by fire, but even if he did not, their faith was not shaken.

Being reminded of this, I decided that while it would be nice to finish my run in dry weather, if it started raining it would not affect my faith or my testimony.  And rain it did.  I would say that for about half of my run, it was coming down at a nice, solid medium-level of rainfall.  I even heard thunder.  It was not ideal, but my clothes were going to be soaked either way and I didn't feel unsafe at any time during the run.

About thirty minutes after I got home, the rain completely stopped.  It would appear that I needed to learn a lesson.

A Part, Meant?

I'm going to be perfectly honest: I don't have the time or mental capacity for a full post.  As you know, I've been searching for an apartment, and I've gotten close, but I'm not quite there.  I'm exhausted and little anxious over the whole thing.  I've been praying on the matter, but I'm missing something, but I don't know what.  Prayers on my behalf would help, for those that wish to lend a hand.  Hopefully by Friday things will be resolved.

This is Why We Pray

As many of you know, I spent this last Saturday visiting and touring potential apartments to rent that would be closer to my new job (that I started today!).  I saw a few different places and was honestly impressed with what I saw.  In the end, I narrowed my selection down to two apartments.  After describing both apartments to Ian and Amanda and to my parents, everyone agreed with me that the slightly more expensive but significantly closer apartment was the better choice.  I had all but made my decision to apply when I remembered that I hadn't yet prayed about the matter.

Once I prayed, I got a confused feeling.  There was some more to do on the matter before I applied.  I felt prompted to look at reviews online and boy am I glad that I did.  All of the places I looked at had low scores from tenets (the highest I saw was a 36%).  While each one had unique problems (unresponsive management, thins walls, towing risk within the parking lot, etc,), all of them had a similar problem: infestations.  Most mentioned mice and roaches, but the one I had my eye one also had a bed bug problem.  If you know anything about bed bugs you are probably aware that they are incredibly hard to exterminate completely.  Most people simple throw out much of what they own when bed bugs are discovered.  I don't care what the location is or how nice the place looks, I'm not risking bed bugs in everything I own.

As frustrating as this information is, it's still comforting that I avoided a huge potential problem.  Imagine if I signed a leased and had to deal with bed bugs.  All completely passed over because of a simple prayer.  I am very thankful that my Heavenly Father is watching out for my welfare and protecting me from harm.  And while this means that I'm back to square one for finding my own place, learning about what could have been is making me reconsider what I'm willing to put up with.  Maybe I'll have some roommates for a few months; I really wanted my own place, but maybe I just need to get closer to work first and then take my time before I'm truly on my own.  At least I avoided sharing an apartment with uninvited guests.

Is the Suspense Killing You?

So what did I decide?  Well, as I was continuing to pray about whether or not I should accept the job, I had a phone interview for a different company, this one a consulting firm.  I thought it might help to lend some clarity on the issue.  Ian suggested that I tell the interviewer that I already had an offer to urge them to make me one as well.  I decided to do this, but only after the interview was done so that the person on the other side of the phone could first see what I had to offer.  If they knew I had an offer somewhere else, they may not want to even conduct the interview.

Anyway, when I told the interviewer that I had an offer, she asked which company had made the offer.  When I told her that it was RJM, she told me that not only had she heard of them but that she had heard very positive things.  Then she said that in her twenty years working as a recruiter, she's enjoyed working for engineering firms more than IT or consulting firms.  She told me that she thought that I should take the offer from RJM, but she also asked for my contact information on LinkedIn so that she could stay in contact with me and find out how I actually like working for the firm.  Crap-in-a-hat, that's a good endorsement!

I walked back to my cubicle with a huge grin on my face and, after offering a final prayer, emailed my contact at RJM to accept the job offer (and I got a confirmation of my acceptance from her yesterday).  As much as I wish I had gotten an answer to my prayer right away, I can see why waiting was beneficial: I got a strong endorsement for the company; I got a chance to think about working elsewhere, even if I never got a second offer; and I had to wait for the answer instead of getting instant gratification, thus making the answer all the more meaningful (and I knew it wasn't from me because I wanted to accept from the beginning).  I really like the idea of working at an engineering firm and that we, as a company, will improve the world in which we live.

Needless to say, I'm super excited - not just to work as a technical writer, but to work as a technical writer for RJM Engineering.  I've worked hard to get to this point and now a whole new kind of hard work begins.  Here's to the future!