Chance Coincidence

I had the missionaries over for dinner last night (a different pair than before) and the Elder who gave the spiritual thought challenged me to share the gospel with someone soon.  I said I had a coworker in mind who might be ready, so I accepted the challenge.  Now, this particular coworker who I had in mind, is away at a trade show until sometime next week, so I didn't think too much of the Elder's challenge, at least for now.

At work today, I sent an email to someone and jokingly used the word moron (facetiously referring to myself).  This email was deemed humorous enough to be shared with a few friends, one of whom was the receptionist.  The receptionist responded back with a joke about how I left out the second M (making "moron" into "Mormon"), though only to her friend that sent it to her and not to me.  After all of this happened unbeknownst to me, I went and asked the receptionist an unrelated question.  Once she answered my question, she shared her joke with me, not realizing that it's a joke that I've heard off and on since high school.  And then, because I'm an explainer, I gave her a brief summary of the word Mormon (the prophet, the book, and the nickname for the church).

With that completed, I was going to walk back to my desk, but she asked another question: what do Mormons believe about karma?  (Not sure how she made that leap.)  So, I gave the Golden Rule as a quick answer, but then I delved a little deeper.  I explained that while we should do good, that doesn't mean that only good things will happen to us.  Sometimes bad things happen to us because of either our own or others' free agency or because God is placing an obstacle in our way so that when we overcome it, we're better for it.  I closed by quoting my current favorite scripture, 2 Nephi 5:27: "...we lived after the manner of happiness."  This seemed to really connect with her and she thanked me for sharing, adding "I needed that."  Before I walked away, I asked if she was interested in a Book of Mormon.  She said she was.

I wasn't planning that encounter and I'm not saying that it happened because the Elder challenged me to talk to someone, but it did all line up pretty well.  I don't know if anything will come of this exchange, but I'm glad I opened my mouth.

Almost Duped

I almost fell for a Nigerian Prince Scam.  For those unfamiliar, this sort of scam has a Nigerian prince  (or other foreign dignitary) contact a victim for help: due to political unrest, he cannot access his vast fortune; he offers to send a large check and all you have to do is wire back a small portion of it so that he can free his family.  The problem is that the check is fake, but due to a law in the US, it will initially clear.  After a couple of weeks, however, the bank will find out that the check is fake.  If the victim sent the money as asked, they now owe their bank that amount and, likely, overdraft charges.

I had heard about all of this years ago (Allison nearly went through with it once), but this one had a new twist: I was asked if I wanted to be a secret shopper for Wal-Mart.  I thought that sounded pretty good, so I provided my contact information and asked for more information.  A few days later I got an email from a different email address telling me (in broken English) that I had been approved for the secret shopper program.  It continued by saying that I would receive a check that I was to use for my secret shopping experience.  I thought something was fishy, but when no check arrived despite their promises, I figured that they had given up.

Then the check arrived on Wednesday.  The letter gave me instructions to cash the check and transfer some money to some dude in Texas (they hadn't even bothered to come up with a fake business name) from MoneyGram and review the store from where I wired the money.  I will give the scammer props for giving detailed instructions for the kinds of things to look out for (professionalism of staff, cleanliness of store, etc.), making it seem more legitimate.  The big tip-off that it was a scam (in addition to changing the store I'd be reviewing) was that my "salary" was to be deducted from the check.  If I'd gone through with it, I would have lost over two thousand dollars.

I took the check to work yesterday and sent it through the shredder and I've blocked the person from my email.  I let my interest in something that sounded cool blind me from seeing some blatant warning signs.  In the future, I'll need to be more careful.

Positivity's a Plus

The other day I was talking to someone who had had a really rough day.  It seemed like disasters were dog-piling on top of them in a very short period of time.  I listened, allowing them to vent out their frustrations (which did seem to help quite a bit) and then I pointed out how good may come from what they experienced.  I didn't tell them that what happened wasn't difficult or that other people had it worse, I simply tried to show them that the admittedly bad experiences could lead to positive outcomes.

I was so surprised by what I had done that I pointed it out to them.  They said that I had made some good points, which was nice, but I really hadn't expected to be the one looking on the sunny side.  It's no secret that things have been difficult for me lately.  Living alone can be soul-crushingly depressing sometimes.  I have friends and I stay in touch with family, but I still have to come home to an empty apartment.  During the week, I do okay because I have work to keep me occupied, but unless I have something planned for the weekends, I may not even go outside.  I missed church on Sunday because I just couldn't force myself to get out of bed.  I'm working on a plan to prevent that from happening again, but it's difficult to be vigilant against something as ever present as loneliness.

However, as the conversation I had proved, if I'm in the right mind, my default is to be an optimist.  I think that's been a part of my personality since I was a kid, but I've also nurtured it, especially in recent years.  I am struggling with bouts of depression right now, but I also know that what I'm experiencing will prove to be an important part of who I am later on.  If nothing else, I can say that I'm motivated to stay healthy in other ways, like eating properly, exercising regularly, and studying the scripture daily.

We may have tough days or even tough years, but I believe they will lead to a better future if we choose the right path.

Take a Stand

On Friday evening, I met the missionaries in my ward for a teaching appointment.  I almost didn't accept their invitation to go with them -- I was really annoyed with them because they almost exclusively text me and they're really vague, which means that I have to text them several times asking questions before I know what's going on -- but I didn't want to punish their investigator for their faults.

When we got to the place of our appointment, the investigator met us with warmth and enthusiasm.  At first, I thought that meant that he was accepting the gospel, but I later decided that he was just being friendly.  The lesson was unusual and the Elders seemed lost every time we veered off course.  I did my best to pick up their slack, which they thanked me for afterwards.  The gentleman we were teaching, Dan, was uncomfortable with declaring anything with certainty.  The Elders brought up the apostasy and Dan said that there probably some bits of truth somewhere in the world.  I pointed out the New Testament makes clear the importance of Apostles and that without them, we don't have a complete church and while Dan didn't say he disagreed with that sentiment, I noticed that he didn't agree, either.

Later on, the Elders ask Dan to read the Book of Mormon, which he agreed to.  They then asked if he reads and prays about it and gains a testimony, would he be baptized -- which is all part of the pattern that I was taught to use while I was on my mission.  When the challenge was extended, Dan became very uncomfortable.  He talked about how he was Catholic and how that was fine and how our church was fine and how other churches were fine; different churches existed because that's what people needed.  Basically, he was espousing a form of moral relativism.  He seemed to be afraid of committing to any belief, perhaps because if he committed, he'd feel obligated to live by it.

In the end, Dan promised to read the Book of Mormon (with the caveat that he'd take his time and it might take him more than a year to finish) and the Elders asked him to call them when he was ready to talk more about it.  I was surprised that they let him go so easily, but maybe they felt a victory just in him accepting to read.

I'm happy that I went with the Elders to teach because it was good to be reminded that we need to take hard stances on our beliefs.  We can still be polite about it with other people, but we need to decide for ourselves what we believe and stand by it.

Trivial Experience, Profound Lesson

The other day while I was at the gym, I needed a bench in order to perform my next exercise.  Unfortunately, all of the benches were in use.  I started thinking about if I should change my routine and do a different exercise next when I was prompted to pray that a bench become free.  I hesitated, not because the request was unimportant, but because I felt unworthy to ask for help.  Since I've been on vacation for the past couple of weeks, my daily routine has been disrupted and I've been neglecting my scripture study (which I usually do in the morning as I'm getting ready for work).  As I was thinking that I shouldn't pray, the Spirit prompted me to do so anyway, reminding me that I didn't need to be worthy to pray.

I said the prayer and a bench was free in less than a minute.  The experience was pretty silly, but the lesson was pretty important: we never need to worry about our worthiness when it comes to talking to our Father in Heaven.  I may have learned the lesson under trivial circumstances, but the lesson was still a good one.

Seeing the Real Message

Yesterday at church, we had a combined third hour focusing on emergency preparedness.  This subject seems to be getting a bit of a push from the leaders of my new Stake as we had a linger longer with a similar focus.  As I live much closer to the coast now, I'm guessing that the leaders want us to be prepared for storms and other disasters.

The meeting began with the Emergency Preparedness Specialist (or whatever his title is) standing before us and telling us that if we don't have food storage in place, we're committing a sin.  First of all, while we have been commanded to have food storage, not doing so would not be a sin but a transgression, as failing to have proper supplies is not a moral failing.  Secondly, I don't react well to being told to change my ways because I'm being bad -- I generally stop listening to the speaker, regardless of how worthwhile their message may be.  In my experience, you get better results if you tell people to improve while focusing on the benefits of changing, not on the negative aspects of maintaining the status quo.  To put it in gospel terms, you tell people about how great righteous living is, not how bad Hell will be.

The speaker continued to talk about all of the disasters he's seen averted by people being properly prepared, but I just sat there, stewing in my annoyance.  He compared the ill-prepared to the Donner Party, which I just find insulting.  He made assumptions about people not taking home informational pamphlets because we don't trust the government, which I find baffling.  I was so insulted that I nearly walked out after ten minutes.

I stayed, but only barely.  Eventually I figured out that while his presentation style is all wrong, his message is still a good one: be prepared.  I have several working flashlights and I try to keep myself well-supplied with nonperishable food, so I'm mostly prepared.  One area in which I'm not properly prepared is water, so I decided to pick up several gallons of water on my way home from work today.

It's frustrating when a good message is hidden within a bad presentation, but I'm grateful I was able to see through to the truth.

You Think This is Bad...?

I was talking with Ian last week about how Maryland is a state with a lot of move-ins.  At work, at church, wherever, I'll met someone and eventually it will come up that they're originally from some other state.  Since I am too, it helps me feel at home.

Apparently (according to Ian), a common complaint from non-native Marylanders is that state taxes here are very high.  I laughed out loud when I heard that.  Being from California, things seem downright reasonable here!

As an example, a few weeks ago I pushed a yellow light too much and ended up running a red light.  I was caught on camera and mailed a ticket, proof of my transgression.  I was annoyed that I had been so reckless, but I happily paid the $75 ticket.  For those unaware, a similar ticket in the San Diego area would be around $300.  Technically fines aren't taxes, but the two are connected.

Ultimately, I moved to Maryland because I couldn't find work in the Golden State and my new home state has treated me rather well so far, so I feel just fine about any taxes and fines that have come my way.

Popular Title

Often when I take my lunch break at work, I'll read the scriptures to prepare for the upcoming discussion in Sunday School that week (sometimes I'll run an errand on my lunch, which is why it's "often" and not "always").  This week, I read about the testimony and subsequent martyrdom of Stephen.  In his testimony of Jesus Christ as the Son of God, he compares the Savior to Moses, saying that Moses was an example to the Messiah to come and how Christ was that prophesied Anointed One.

This was nothing new to me as I've read Acts several times before.  However, what struck me was that when Stephen recounted the story of Moses, he quoted the LORD when He spoke to Moses in the burning bush: "...I am the God of thy fathers, the God of Abraham, and the God of Issac, and the God of Jacob." (Acts 7:32)  This is a commonly used title that appears throughout the scriptures, so why did it stand out to me this time?

Moses was raised in the Egyptian royal family, adopted by the daughter of the Pharaoh.  Moses was "learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians," which likely meant that he had been educated to believe in Egyptian theology.  While we don't know how strongly, or even if, he believed in the Egyptian pantheon, we can probably assume that he was at least familiar with polytheism.  (He also very likely knew that he was a Hebrew since he was willing to kill an Egyptian taskmaster to protect "his brethren.")  So when the LORD introduced himself to Moses, He wanted to make sure that Moses did not confuse Him with one of the false gods with whom he was likely familiar.  By using not just one but three prominent patriarchs to establish Himself, the LORD ensured that Moses would not mistake Him for anyone else.

And the title stuck.

Not the most earth-shattering piece of insight, but it made think me about a story and a title that I've known for a long time in a brand new way.  Which, by the way, is a great example of why we keep reading the scriptures over and over again.

Tuesdays with Media: Them Shoes

Have you ever heard a song that you like the first time you hear it, but some time later when you hear it again, it really speaks to you?  Such is the case with the song off the album Every Hour is a Dollar Gone by Patrick Sweany, "Them Shoes":

The music is guitar-driven and strongly on the blues side of rock, the tempo constantly goes from fast to slow and back again, and the vocals have more than a little pain being sung out with the lyrics.

Speaking of lyrics, they're highly metaphorical and their real meaning may not be clear the first time or two.  Such was the case with me, which is why I didn't "get" the song the few first times I heard it.  Here's one of the verses:

No one said it would be easy
Sometimes it is hard to do
It isn't like the TV
You see the cold hard truth
And the things you see in movies
Just don't come true
So here's a little feedback
You gotta wear your shoes

Sweany talks about how life is hard and you don't get a happy ending like in movies or on TV, but then he gives "a little feedback" and says to wear shoes?  Like I said, it's a metaphor.  What he's saying is that you have take life as it comes, whether good or bad, and accept it.  "Wear your shoes" means not hide from who you are or what you've become and to live your life.

But as creative as the music is and as touching as the lyrics are, this is a song where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  Even with what I just detailed above, there's something else about the song that speaks to me and connects with my soul.  I rediscovered this song last week and have listened to it several times since, partly because it's catchy, but mostly because I'm moved by it.

Every Hour is a Dollar Gone is distributed by Nine Mile Records.

A Small Change

Hello, dear reader.  You may have noticed that you had to login in order to access the blog.  Unfortunately, I have to protect myself.

You see, divorce is a complicated mess of fighting and paranoia.  I don't think there's anything on this blog that can be used against me, but just in case, I'm making it private for now, as a precaution.

This blog is important to me and it's important to many of you, so I don't want to take it down, even temporarily, but I also don't want my words used against me.  So, here we are, requiring a login just to read about what weird song I like or what recipe I made.  Hopefully, this lockdown will only last a few weeks.

Lost Airtime

I suffer from a form of sleep apnea where my brain gets lazy and forgets to tell my body to breathe.  It's weird, since occasionally I'll wake up and realize that I need to inhale, but for the most part it just means that my sleep is not very restful.

In an attempt to sleep better, I recently tried listening to an audio-only hypnosis session.  I've tried being hypnotized in the past, but I've never been able to fully achieve "trance," but it's been a while so I thought I'd try again.  This time, I was able to become very relaxed and there were a few times that I nearly went under, but each time I stopped breathing.  Not breathing is distracting, to say the least, so I woke up enough to breathe, which prevented me from enjoying the full experience.  It was still relaxing and I easily fell asleep afterwards, but I was aware of what was going on the whole time.

As far as methods to sleep better go, hypnosis is probably a fine one, but only if you remember to breathe.

Unexpected Answer

I've been having trouble finding a new place to move to that suits my needs.  I've been looking for a place that's within my current ward's boundaries, but as close to my job as I can get and costs less than I'm paying per month now (I am losing my roommate in the process).  That left me with only two options, though I preferred one complex over the other.  I was about to submit the application when I decided to pray about it.  The answer I got was that I needed to keep searching.  Frustrated, I thought to myself, I don't have a lot of options left if I want to stay in my ward.  In response, the Spirit had one word stand out to me: if.  I had honestly not considered the idea of moving out of my ward.  I've lived here for over two years and I've really grown close with a lot of the members here.

With the next day being Fast Sunday, I took the opportunity to fast on the matter -- should I move out of the ward?  At Church, we had our new Bishopric announced and with all of the testimonies shared by both those leaving and those incoming, the presence of the Spirit was high.  I felt about 60% sure that it was time to leave before the meeting, but by the time it was over, that level of assurance rose to about 90%.  Just to be sure, I pulled my Home Teacher aside and asked for a blessing.  While there were no specific instructions that I needed to move out of the ward, I still received my answer that, yes, it was time to move out.

One big reason is that I need to be in the right place to meet the next Mrs. Larsen.  It's weird to think that moving to a new place is going to facilitate meeting my wife, but that's basically the story of how my parents met.  Even as I write this post, I can feel the Holy Ghost confirm the truth of the motivation behind this move.  Now I need to follow the Spirit and move into the right ward.  Prayers on my (our?) behalf in this matter would be very much appreciated.

You Don't Even Know Me

One of the recent times that my sister, Margot, visited, she commented that I needed to share my thoughts on a matter because my face was blank and she didn't know how I felt about it.  I was a little surprised, but I guess I have trained myself to have my "standard face" be one of no emotion.  That could allow some people project onto me emotions that I'm not actually experiencing.  Perhaps that's what happened yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I was driving home from mutual where I was helping to supervise a joint activity between the Young Men and Young Women of our ward and a neighboring ward (it involved plenty of water balloons) when I stopped by a nearby grocery store to pick up a quart of milk.  I had had an enjoyable evening and had gotten a chance to talk with some of the other adults with whom I am friends, so I was feeling pretty good.  However, when I walked up to the store's entrance, a woman who was waiting for her ride told me to "Cheer up: at least you don't live in Texas" (I assume she's referring to the floods that are currently affecting the people of the Lone Star state.)  I quickly went from "neutral" to "majorly annoyed" and I said what first came to mind: "You don't even know me."  I never stopped walking during our exchange, so I went inside and never heard her reply, if she gave one.

I recognize that she was trying to be nice, cheering up a guy who she assumed was not having the best day.  But my day had been fine.  She was making assumptions about how I should express myself when I'm alone.  In doing so, she replaced my "simply not smiling" with a scowl.

There's a bit of a parallel here with women who get told something like "You'd be prettier if you smiled" by random guys as they're walking somewhere.  No, I don't have it nearly as bad -- I'm a college-educated, tall, white, Christian man; I am a member of the least oppressed group in history, not withstanding the Church's early years.  But regardless of gender, why do people feel the need to give advice to random strangers on their mood?  For all that woman knew, I knew one of the victims that the floods claimed and her comment could have caused me to burst into tears.  I could have been from Texas and missed living there, in spite of the recent events.  I could be dealing the sea of emotions that comes with getting divorced.  And so on.

I should say that I calmed down pretty quickly after the interaction and by the time I had paid for the milk, I was back to "neutral."  Still, I find it very bizarre (and, yes, frustrating) that someone told me to cheer up when I recognize that I'm the happiest I've been in years.  A lack of tears doesn't mean someone isn't sad, just as a lack of a smile doesn't mean a lack of contentment.

Not That Girl

Divorce is hard.  You have to admit to yourself that the person that was once your best friend should be permanently removed from your life.  You try to be calm and civil, but there are so many confusing emotions that you sometimes scream obscenities at your spouse.  They're probably doing the same thing, too, but that's no excuse.

During what we've gone through so far, it's been hard to have to talk to Allison to discuss how we'll end things.  We've both said that we want the other person to be happy, but we've also both screamed at the other for being the reason we have to get divorced.  Like I said, divorce is hard.

Last Saturday, Allison left me voicemail to give me an update.  Towards the end, she said something that was really poignant: "You have to have someone that's into your kind of lifestyle and I'm not that girl."  She's referring to the fact that she doesn't support my membership in the Church.  I know that she stopped attending Church years ago, but I was committed to her and I told her that even if she didn't attend Church with me, I would stay by her side.  The reality is that when you're a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it affects every aspect of your life.  If your spouse doesn't agree with your faith, she won't agree with the majority of how you live your life.

Allison and I are both sad that things ended the way that they have and we'll both miss having the other as our best friend, but we also see that we have different priorities and goals, some of which are in conflict with each other.  It's too bad that we need to get divorced, but it's what needs to happen.

Yoked

I've been following the lesson plan for Sunday School this year, which means I've been reading the New Testament.  After the Book of Mormon, the New Testament is the standard work with which I am most familiar, which means that I'm not so much following the narrative as I am looking for details that I missed before.

Recently I read where the Savior tells us to "take [his] yoke upon [us]" and find rest.  I looked up what a yoke was, even though I already knew what I would find.  What really helped was an image to better help us visualize what the yoke is.

Again, I knew what a yoke looked like, but this time, I really needed to see it.  While I know that the common interpretation is that we're strapped to one side with the Savior on the other, this time I saw it differently.  Christ is the master, the one who places the yoke of responsibility upon us, but who then is sharing the yoke with us?  Our spouse.  This simple metaphor that he gave is about eternal marriage.  While we're alone, we can still have a relationship with Christ, but we have just a basic harness to pull.  Once we make the highest covenant we can make in this life, we are part of a partnership.

I've been pulling my yoke all alone for awhile now.  I look forward to finalizing the end of my current partnership and finding someone who will pull her share of the yoke.

The Sadder Thing

On Monday, I took some time off of work, went to my county's Clerk's office, and filed for divorce.

Yeah.

While I was standing in line, directly in front of me was a couple waiting to get married.  Not applying for a marriage license but actually getting married.  I thought to myself, What's sadder, filing for divorce or getting married in jeans with no family present?  But even after just a few seconds, I realized that I was harshly judging this couple.  It was 9 am on a Monday morning, so all of their friends and family were probably at work.  And maybe they didn't dress up not because they didn't care, but because they're poor and didn't have anything nicer.  They were both wearing white tops and they looked well-groomed, so they took at least some care.

So, I realized that the question that I sarcastically asked myself pointed to the simple fact that joining your life to another person's, even in less-than-ideal circumstances, is an expression of love and hope.

And getting divorced is just sad.

Breaking the Fantasy

On a recent episode of Elementary, the case in the episode involved the stealing of a refrigerant that is being discontinued, known throughout the industry as R22.  (All refrigerants are assigned a code starting with "R" for "refrigerant" and a number that does mean something else beyond being random numbers, but I haven't picked up all the details yet.)  Anyway, in the episode in question, R22 was stolen because, according to the show, it's getting harder and harder to come by.

Except that it isn't.  While it's true that R22 is being phased out, it is still used in a lot of systems.  Also, the show said that eventually the fluid would be illegal to use, but that's not true either.  It will be illegal to manufacture, but if you have a system that uses it, you're fine to use what's available.

Why does this matter?  It doesn't really, but I thought it was pretty cool that I noticed some false information in a fictional program.  Often, as audience members, we just take what characters say as factual, especially if they're someone with authority, like Sherlock Holmes, who is authority an on practically everything.  But actually, the writers just googled some information on the matter and put in some details they thought would make the story more interesting.  I'm sure that the vast majority of viewers didn't catch the error, just like I don't catch other errors on other subjects; but I caught this one.

So, I've been at Danfoss for about three and a half months and I already know enough about refrigeration systems to ruin an episode of a crime drama.  Like I said, I think that's pretty cool.

What Do You Do?

What do you do when you have a heated discussion with your estranged wife over the terms of your divorce that eventually breaks down into talking about all of the reasons your marriage has failed?  And what do you do when that conversation changes direction and you learn that despite all of your time apart, she still loves you?  And then what do you do when you realize for the first time that you didn't know if she still loved you after all this time?  And what do you do when you know that despite the fact that you still love her and she still loves you that you're not good for each other and that you should still get divorced?

You cry.  You cry hard and you cry bitterly.

Divorce: The Good Times

I wanted to have one post dedicated to the all of the positive things that happened in my life because of Allison, so here goes:

• I've never laughed as much with anyone else in my entire life.  Allison could have a great sense of humor at times and we loved to laugh together.
• I had my first major breakdown while I was dating Allison.  I started having very strong panic-attacks and I stopped going to all of my classes, which I ended up failing.  She helped me to calm down and get back to school.
• Speaking of school, I am confident that I would not have finished my degree without her support.
• Did you know that she helped me develop a sense of style?  I never really knew what kinds of clothes to wear, but she helped to steer me in the direction that led to what I still wear today.  I was careful to put that she "helped me" rather than she "told me" because she didn't dictate to me what I should wear, she just refined the style that I had but was buried under indecision and a lack of focus and having a defined style is great for one's self-esteem.
• She taught me the value of good gift-giving.  Allison is amazing at giving gifts and despite how things may appear, some of that rubbed off on me.
• I got to have several iterations of beards and mustaches with her.  Very few women actually like facial hair on men, so I appreciate that she liked it when I experimented with mine.
• I really learned to listen to the Spirit because of her.  I realize that this one is more "in spite of her" but the strongest and clearest revelations I have ever received in my life were in response to prayers concerning her, including if I should marry her.
• I learned how to really work.  Once I was supporting a wife, putting my all into my job really became a priority.  Before that, "doing enough" was my general outlook.
• I learned to manage money.  During part of the time that we were dating, I went really far into my overdraft simply because I didn't want to check my account balance because it gave me anxiety.  That's really stupid, but Allison taught me that financial management doesn't have to be stressful.
• I learned how to love another person and how I want to be loved by them.

Divorce is hard enough so I wanted to take some time to focus on the positive things that happened in my failed marriage.  I'm glad that I did so that I can look back and see that even though it ended in divorce, this marriage was still worthwhile.

Divorce [UPDATE]

UPDATE:
Because Allison and I have only just started the process of getting divorced, I will hold off on posting this week's essays until everything has been finalized.  I doubt any of my words could be used against me, but it's better to play it safe.

ORIGINAL POST:
All of my regular readers should now know that Allison and I have decided to get divorced.  It wasn't easy for me to accept, but I know it needs to happen.

Allison and I have been together for about nine-and-a-half years with four years of dating, two-and-a-half years of marriage, and three years of separation. That means that I've spent nearly a third of my life with her attached to me in some way, though the last third of that time was spent with us separated.

One thing that I want to make clear is that I do not regret my relationship with Allison.  Things weren't always easy with her, but they never are in love.  I'm sad that things couldn't work out, but I do not feel that my time with her was wasted.

Since we only just decided to get divorced last week, we haven't moved forward to file yet, though that will happen very soon.  I will do my best to make the split as amicable and pain-free as possible -- there will probably be posts with updates of our progress.

So, the rest of this week will be dedicated to some essays regarding my marriage and divorce.  And since I missed two days last week since I was reeling from the decision, I'll be posting all five weekdays.  They will mostly be contemplative, but I'm sure some emotion will find its way in.