You Don't Even Know Me

One of the recent times that my sister, Margot, visited, she commented that I needed to share my thoughts on a matter because my face was blank and she didn't know how I felt about it.  I was a little surprised, but I guess I have trained myself to have my "standard face" be one of no emotion.  That could allow some people project onto me emotions that I'm not actually experiencing.  Perhaps that's what happened yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I was driving home from mutual where I was helping to supervise a joint activity between the Young Men and Young Women of our ward and a neighboring ward (it involved plenty of water balloons) when I stopped by a nearby grocery store to pick up a quart of milk.  I had had an enjoyable evening and had gotten a chance to talk with some of the other adults with whom I am friends, so I was feeling pretty good.  However, when I walked up to the store's entrance, a woman who was waiting for her ride told me to "Cheer up: at least you don't live in Texas" (I assume she's referring to the floods that are currently affecting the people of the Lone Star state.)  I quickly went from "neutral" to "majorly annoyed" and I said what first came to mind: "You don't even know me."  I never stopped walking during our exchange, so I went inside and never heard her reply, if she gave one.

I recognize that she was trying to be nice, cheering up a guy who she assumed was not having the best day.  But my day had been fine.  She was making assumptions about how I should express myself when I'm alone.  In doing so, she replaced my "simply not smiling" with a scowl.

There's a bit of a parallel here with women who get told something like "You'd be prettier if you smiled" by random guys as they're walking somewhere.  No, I don't have it nearly as bad -- I'm a college-educated, tall, white, Christian man; I am a member of the least oppressed group in history, not withstanding the Church's early years.  But regardless of gender, why do people feel the need to give advice to random strangers on their mood?  For all that woman knew, I knew one of the victims that the floods claimed and her comment could have caused me to burst into tears.  I could have been from Texas and missed living there, in spite of the recent events.  I could be dealing the sea of emotions that comes with getting divorced.  And so on.

I should say that I calmed down pretty quickly after the interaction and by the time I had paid for the milk, I was back to "neutral."  Still, I find it very bizarre (and, yes, frustrating) that someone told me to cheer up when I recognize that I'm the happiest I've been in years.  A lack of tears doesn't mean someone isn't sad, just as a lack of a smile doesn't mean a lack of contentment.