Tick Tock

Yesterday was my father's 65th birthday.  It's nice that he's still so clear-minded at this age when so many other people lose their mental clarity as they get older.

His age got me thinking, and even got me to do some math: I, his third-born child, was born before he was thirty-three.  I'm thirty-two and and am still without children.  For those of you playing at home, that means my dad was well into having his family going by the time he was my age and I have to start over.

Now, I don't generally get existential.  I have little tricks to ease me into my birthday so it doesn't hit me all at once and even with the white hair in my beard and sideburns, I still look younger than I am (or so people tell me).  So imagine my surprise when I suddenly felt extremely old not on my birthday, but on my dad's.

This is not to say that I wish that Allison and I had had kids while we were trying to work things out.  Our divorce is going to be easier than it could have been because we only have to deal with each other.  And while I still hold to the fact that I don't regret the relationship I had with Allison, I also know that it's the best thing for both of us to get divorced.

But I'm really starting to feel my biological clock ticking.  I've always wanted kids, but now that desire is getting stronger.  I love my nieces and nephews and I even like (most of) my friends' kids, so I'm being reminded regularly that I'm not a dad yet.  And even if I meet the next Mrs. Larsen right after the divorce is finalized, we have to take into account courting and preparing the wedding, plus just being married for a little bit before we bring another life into the world, and we're looking at least a couple of years before I can add a new branch on my family tree.

Despite my frustration, I trust that the Lord is leading me in the right direction.  I just hope I don't have learn a new appreciation for patience before I get there.