After my post on Monday, I've heard from some people offering support for what I'm going through. The two people that have been the most vocal have been my mother and my estranged wife, both offering advice from an experienced perspective and each taking a different stance.
My mom encouraged me to talk to my doctor and to see if I can get help. She also pointed out that our family has a history of anxiety and depression, so I am predisposed to this condition. She reminded me that if I am suffering from depression due to a chemical imbalance that getting treatment is a much better solution than seeking out destructive behavior as a means to "self-medicate."
Allison gave me a pep talk and told me to remember that the problems I face and the sadness I feel are all in my mind. She told me to look to a power greater than myself to find strength (it reminded me a lot of Alma 37:47) and that while the path of medication is easier, it's not better. She's concerned that if I start taking anti-depressants, that I won't be able to function unmedicated. She admonished me to take things slow and to be careful about jumping into treatment.
Again, both of these women have struggled with depression in their own way and they are talking to me from a place of experience. Also, they know me better than probably any other people on the face of the earth, so it's not just generalized advice. And yet, they each are taking diametrically opposed positions on the subject.
For now, I'm kind of listening to both of them. I have scheduled a doctor's appointment for next week, but I want to talk to him about options before I run and go fill a prescription. I appreciate the fact that I may be able to correct the potential chemical imbalance in my brain on my own, but I may also need some help. For now, I need to gather information and ponder the matter prayerfully.
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