Do you remember how I became depressed while I was unemployed? And how I pulled myself together and almost immediately found a job? Perhaps I didn't really get over things as well as I thought.
I think I might have depression.
I was house-sitting for the Larsen's this weekend while they went out of town. While I was there, I quickly fell back into my old depressed habits: I ate like crap, I couldn't make myself leave the house for anything (even Church), I had trouble both falling asleep and waking up, and I only showered right before I left to come home. I knew that this was terrible behavior, but I couldn't force myself to change anything.
It's a troubling thing to realize that you may not be able to control yourself. I'm not really sure what to do. I'll schedule an appointment with my doctor this week to talk about what may going on with me and I'll meet with my Bishop when he's next available, but beyond that, I don't know. Most of today I've felt a very strong, non-specific sadness, like I'm on the verge of crying, but not about anything in particular - I also wonder how long I've been experiencing this feeling but didn't realize it.
I don't want to worry anyone - I am not a danger to myself or others - I just want to inform you of something that I'm still struggling to understand myself. And, for the foreseeable future, the feature Tuesdays with Media will be on hiatus. I don't want to waste any mental energy on something so trivial.
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