Aches and Pains

It all started with a cursed box of cereal ...

Okay, not really, but the truth is not so different, either.  Since I'm not working right now, oatmeal isn't as appealing a breakfast.  I used to cook the oatmeal on the stove, put it in a plastic bowl, and eat at my desk right after getting to work.  A lot of people sip on coffee or nibble on bagels at their desk, so it was no big deal.  More importantly, the oatmeal would have time to cool down.  It's super annoying to wake up in the morning and not be able to eat breakfast because it's too hot.  So I bought some cold cereal to reduce the wait for breakfast.  The problem was that I didn't pay attention and I bought a soy-based cereal.  Soy and I don't get along well, at least when it comes to digestion, so I was done after one bowl.  However, I didn't want to waste food if I could help it, so I offered the remaining cereal to Samuel.

It didn't agree with Samuel either, but he had more than stomach cramps: he ended up developing a mild fever.  The fever may not have been unrelated, or it could have been caused by a compromised immune system busy dealing with other problems.

Feeling at least partially responsible, I stopped by the store and picked up a few ingredients to make chicken soup.  I had carrots, garlic, chicken breasts, as well as a couple of chicken carcasses in the freezer ready to go, so all I needed was some celery, a couple of onions, and some fresh parsley.  I spent the next four hours crafting the soup from scratch.  That may seem excessive, but it was fun to make soup again and since Samuel comes from a culture that regularly uses gifts of food as a sign of respect, he is always appreciative.

I may not have made my roommate sick, but hopefully I'll be able to help make him feel better.

Fresh Start

I don't have much to report on my job status.  I've been applying to a lot of jobs and I've been hearing back from a lot of them.  I had one interview on Tuesday and I'll have another today.

As I've mentioned to a lot of people already but have yet to write about, this round of unemployment is already much better than the last one.  Last time it was right after Thanksgiving and no one was looking to do any hiring, while the beginning of fall is an natural "fresh start" time of year.  Last time I was still recovering from my seizure when I was let go, while I now have my condition under control.  Last time the longest professional job I had had had lasted five months, while my most recent job was in place for around eight.  Last time I had forgotten to ask permission to take writing samples with me and had to use writing samples from my college days, while this time I got permission to take a couple of samples with me to show off my skills.  Last time it took several weeks before I heard back from anyone, while this time I got calls the day after I updated my profile on several job sites.

Another thing that I've been feeling this time is that this next job will be a better fit.  When I prayed about taking the job at CAS Severn, the answer didn't come easily and it basically amounted to "Well, what else are you going to do?"  I only had the one job offer so it would have been foolish to not take it.  The answer I received, along with the experience I had there, lead me to believe that working for CAS Severn was a sort of "in between" job.  I see now that it wasn't a very good fit for me, but it did help to pad out my resume and I did learn a lot while there.  That said, I think that the next job that I'll take will be a much better fit and will be "the one," at least for now.

Of course, take everything I've written here with a grain of salt because, as previously stated, I don't have any offers yet.  Hopefully, that won't last long.

The Case of the Mysteriously Overheating Car

Last week I posted about my car not being operational.  Initially, it looked like I would be stuck with a busted car and there was little I could do, but after asking the right people the right questions, things looked a bit more optimistic.

After calling around to three different mechanics that were recommended to me, I went with one that refused to give me an estimate until they could look at the car.  Not only did it feel like the most honest answer, they also described the diagnostic test they would use to determine if the problem was indeed a bad head gasket, which helped me to feel like they knew what they were talking about.  After a bit of a delay, I was able to schedule a tow to get my car to the chosen mechanic.

I was nervous but cautiously optimistic.  I was expecting a call yesterday afternoon, but it never came.  I decided to call to get an update.  The response I got was shocking: the problem was very likely caused by a faulty radiator cap.  Apparently, the first mechanic that looked at it opened the radiator and saw a milky-white fluid and assumed that it was caused by the motor oil and the coolant mixing and refused to do anything else.  The current mechanic did some diagnostic work and found that the busted radiator cap, along with the coolant being old, prevented the engine from having the right kind of pressure building up and it changed the color and consistency of the fluid.  After flushing the system and replacing the fluid and the radiator cap, the mechanic drove the car around to see if it would overheat: it didn't.  To be safe, he wanted to let it sit overnight before he drives it again this morning.  He told me that he's 95% percent certain that the problem is fixed, but he didn't want to call me until he was 100% sure.  I'm glad I chose this guy.  Seriously, if you're in the Baltimore area and need car work done, consider the Charing Cross Car Care Center, and not just for their sweet alliterative name.

This experience was a great example of how having the right friends can deter a disaster, or in this case, solve a mystery.

The Experiment is Over

Are anyone else's ears cold?

A Fair Deal

I found out yesterday that my company is eliminating my position.  While I have had some trouble with some projects, there just isn't enough for me to do to justify having a full-time technical writer on staff.  I haven't written about how there have been a few weeks that I've struggled to find something to keep me busy, but the truth is that I'm not terribly surprised about the decision.  Disappointed and saddened, but not surprised.

That said, they're being very nice about letting me go.  I'll be drawing a paycheck for another month and I don't have to come into the office anymore so that I can focus my time on finding a new job.  They're even going to help me get set up on the Government issued-health plan, Cobra.  All things considered, that's pretty fair.

I've already updated my resume on numerous job sites and I've been given the go-ahead to take some writing samples with me.  Now I just need a car to drive to interviews and I'll be set.

Prayers on my behalf would not be inappropriate.

Principles for Improved Interpersonal Ralationships

I read an article a few weeks back about a women who discovered her husband was secretly an internet troll.  For those who don’t know, a "troll" is someone that argues online for no real reason – they verbally assault people, belittling them and their point of view because they like feeling superior to other people; they're bullies, basically.  The woman in the article was shocked and gave her husband an ultimatum: he stops trolling and they go to marriage counseling or they get divorced.

Her demands were unreasonable.  Here's why:

Firstly, while I do not condone keeping secrets from your spouse, discovering something dark about your significant other does not actually make everything else a lie.  Let’s say that you found out that your husband used to participate in dog fighting and only stopped because of a close-call with the cops.  That doesn't mean that every time he gently handled the family dog was disingenuous or that he hates animals.  Should his dark past be addressed?  Absolutely.  Should he feel coerced into talking about it?  No.  Now I recognize that it can be difficult to control your emotions when you’re under duress and that can make looking at the big picture difficult, which is why it's usually a good idea to try to cool off before addressing complex issues like newly-discovered secrets.

That leads into the next part, which is that things are never black and white.  Our brains naturally like to put things into categories because it makes life easier to process.  It's easy to think that carnivores are dangerous and herbivores are safe, but the truth is that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than crocodiles.  Life is more complicated than we want to admit.  Maybe our analogous husband got into dog fighting because it was a way to bond with his otherwise emotionally distant father, so he associates the activity with fond memories.  That doesn't excuse his involvement in a brutal, and illegal, sport, but it does add perspective to his past.  It also helps his wife see him as a person who made mistakes and not as a "monster."

Finally, you can't change another person.  Going back to the real example from the beginning, the woman saw her husband's behavior as a troll as unacceptable, so she demanded that he change.  The problem is that she doesn’t have the right to demand that.  She can say that she is uncomfortable with his behavior, that she can’t support him while he does it, she can even say that if he doesn't change she will be forced to leave him, but once she makes demands of him, she's crossed the line.

Let me try to elaborate a bit.  Last winter, I was unemployed and I had a lot of time to think.  I discovered that I wasn't the person that I wanted to be.  I didn’t like that, so I made a concerted effort to change.  I saw some failings that I wanted gone, so worked to get rid of them.  But, and this is important, I did it for me.  Motivation to change can begin with someone else pointing out what's wrong with us, but unless we adopt it ourselves, the change won't stick.  How many stories have you heard about someone working on an addiction, trying to lose weight, or even changing religions for another person, only for that person to revert to their old ways before long?  Too many to count, I’m sure.

My point to writing this essay is to put down in words some ideas that have been ruminating in my head for a while, but also to help anyone that may be dealing with interpersonal relationship issues.  Whether you’re having problems with your spouse, a friend, or a coworker, it’s important to employ the three principles discussed here:

1. One lie does not change everything
2. People are not all-good or all-bad.
3. True, lasting change needs to be personal.

Even if the woman with the troll for a husband had followed these steps, it may not have been enough to save their marriage.  Even under the best circumstances, marriages are hard.  However, using the right tools can make it possible to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.  I earned these tools the hard way, through adversity and hard work.  Hopefully, these tools will work for you as well.

Car Troubles

My car overheated Saturday evening.  Since it was too late to get my car looked at that night, I took my car to get serviced the next morning.  I think that my only means of transportation having problems counts as having my "ox in the mire."  However, since most places are closed on Sundays, I didn't have a lot of options.  I ended up going to a nearby Goodyear, which I admit wouldn't be my first choice.  After over an hour of waiting, I was told that there was a leak somewhere in the engine block and that the coolant and oil are mixing together.  The technician I talked to suggested that I should just look into getting a new car.  I thanked him and left without being charged.

At church, I pulled aside Mark and explained my problem, since he's good with cars.  He said that the problem sounded like a blown head gasket, which is a thirty dollar part, but it usually hidden deep within the engine and it can be costly to replace.  However, depending on the layout of my car's engine, it may be still be worth doing.

After church, Mark came and looked at my car's engine, along with another member, Megan, who's also good with cars.  They both agreed that the gasket should be pretty easy to get to and, based on my description of how it drove after it initially over-heated, it appears to be a new problem, so the rest of the motor should be okay.  Megan recommended a mechanic to take my car to, Mark offered to help tow it when it came time, and they both said that I should not drive the car again until I can get it serviced.  I left the car at church and got a ride home.  I also made arrangements to get a ride to work today.

This is still not a great situation, but it's better than I initially anticipated.  It looks very likely that the problem is fixable and that I'll still be able to get some miles out of this car.  Let's pray it works out.

A Guy Like Me

Walking down the street in a neighborhood like this could be dangerous for a guy like me.  All the people here live in fancy houses, unlike me; I don't have a home, at least, not much of one.  I guess I crash in the bushes behind the gas station a few blocks down, but I wouldn't call it home.  Anyway, the last time someone from this neighborhood saw me, she called the authorities on me.  Wouldn't want to sully the image the neighborhood with someone with actual problems.  But I got to eat, so I'm here to look through their garbage.  It's amazing what well-to-do people throw away.

I cautiously cross the street, trying not to spend too much time under the streetlight.  I don't come out during the day, not unless I have to.  Like I said, these people get pretty skittish if they see me.  As if I would attack them for no reason; just walk up to them, go "Rawr," and take a swing at them.  I don't want any trouble, man.  I'm just hungry.

I make it to my first stop of the night.  This house doesn't usually have the best pickings, but it is the closest to the street, so it makes sense to take a look-see.  Plus, they have plastic trash cans that don’t make a lot of noise, which is helpful for a guy like me.  I look inside the cans, but only see a bunch of cardboard.  They look to be in decent shape and would probably be great for making a "Please Help" sign, if I knew how to write.  Best to move on.

The next house I skip because they have a dog.  I don't want to announce to the whole block that I'm here and then have to run "home" with an empty belly.

House number three is usually one of the places I can rely on.  They have a cat that's pretty finicky and won't touch his food that they leave out for him.  Hey, cats aren't so different and eating fresh cat food is far from the worst thing that I've made dinner out of.  A guy like me could certainly do worse.  I get a couple of bites down when the dang cat shows up!  Now, I'm not worried about some silly cat, but I don't want it making a racket, so I grab one last bite and high-tail it out of there.  The cat starts moaning, probably because I was eating his food that he didn't even want until I got there.  Jerk.

Fourth house of the night.  Come on, give me something good!  The trash cans here are metal, but they left them on dirt, which is quieter than pavement, so I should be fine.  I get the lid off and start looking.  I don't like having to tear through the bags inside, but if there isn't any loose food outside them, I have to go deeper.  So I bite through the topmost bag and start digging.  Not bad!  Some spaghetti with meat sauce, some half-finished bottles of baby food, and some dry crackers!  I can probably fill up here!  Yeah, there's a couple of dirty diapers in here too, but their sealed up, so it should be fine.  Look, I'm already eating garbage, so it's not as if a guy like me can be too proud to not eat near a diaper.

I hurriedly eat as much as I can, worried that I'll be caught again.  I'm practically bursting when the outdoor light comes one.  Drat!  I grab an unfinished granola bar in my mouth and make a run for it.  I'm at the fence when I hear the homeowner come outside.  I make it to the top of the fence and look back.  We lock eyes for a moment, then I'm over the wall.  I'm clear when I hear the words leave his mouth: “Honey, it's that raccoon again.  I'm telling you, we really should get a dog.”

I make it back to the bushes behind the gas station just as the sun is coming up, tired but full.  This life may not be glamorous, but I usually get enough to eat.  As far as I'm concerned, that’s the best that a guy like me could ask for.

Beautiful Women Have a Hard Life

With recent events (the Fappening and Ray Rice's assault charges in particular), I've been thinking about how women are viewed in our society and I wanted to address some of the conclusions I've come to.

Women are Either Pretty or Worthless

When a male politician is condemned, the speaker attacks his policies, his voting record, and his political leanings.  When the same is done with a female politician, the same criteria are taken into account, as well as her appearance.  I've encountered numerous times online (which I recognize is not the same as real life) when former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton were belittled, sometimes justifiably, and inevitably someone would say how ugly they are, connecting their worth as a politician with their attractiveness.

This way of thinking dehumanizes women, turning them into objects of desire.  Now, some women have made careers putting themselves on display as models, but the same rules that apply to them should not apply to all.  We don’t objectify men in the same way at all.  Think about this: when a male actor puts on weight or otherwise "uglies up" for a role, we think that’s just part of his job; but when a female actor does it, she is making a great sacrifice for her art, because women are supposed to be pretty.

Pretty Women are Expected to Share Themselves with Everyone

Beautiful women are harassed constantly.  Ignoring assault (we'll get to that in a bit), I have heard of many complaints from attractive women that when they're alone in public, men are constantly trying to start conversations with them, usually as a way to ask for their phone number.  Whether at the store, the gym, at school, or even just walking down the street, stupid guys will hit on a woman, simply because she's attractive.  And maybe we could say "Well, there’s no harm in trying," bu when faced with rejection, many guys will turn and insult his former object of affection for not being interested in talking to a stranger.  Many girls will lie and say that they have a boyfriend to be left alone, because men find it easier to respect another man than a woman.

On a different level are female celebrities.  While the recent leak of personal celebrity photos was a big one, it's nothing new.  Our celebrity worshiping culture is obsessed with anyone even arbitrarily famous.  But make no mistake, woman have it worst.  Case in point, one argument in favor of the leaked photos is that they shouldn't have taken any pictures that they didn't want leaked to the public.  That argument falls apart when you consider that none of the photos were of male celebrities.  People want to justify their curiosity and criminal behavior by turning it around on the victims.  The only time a male celebrity has a personal photo leaked is when he accidentally (or "accidentally") releases it himself.

Men are not Responsible for Their Actions When Women are involved

The other day when I was in the locker room at my gym changing into my workout clothes, I heard a couple of other patrons discussing the Raven's decision to suspend Ray Rice for assaulting his fiancee.  Since I don’t follow sports or sport news, this was my introduction to topic.  These two guys at my gym were justifying Rice beating his fiancee because "you know how women be."  Like I said, I wasn't familiar with the issue, but I was dumbfounded that they were trying to make it the victim's fault.  This is just another version of "she was asking for it" and I’m ashamed that we still live in a society where that argument holds water.

When I actually made it out to the gym floor, I saw one of the TVs showing a loop of the surveillance footage that filmed Rice hitting his fiancee and knocking her off her feet.  And he was only suspended?  The leniency shown to him is pretty shocking on its own.

I wish I had solutions to solve these despicable problems.  Unfortunately, the state in which we find ourselves living in has been developing for a long time, so it will take a long time to undo.  However, I believe that my opinions in this matter stem from my faith and knowledge of the gospel.  As we work to share the gospel with the rest of the world, these problems can start to go away.  A woman shouldn't have to fear harassment or worse simply because she's a woman, beautiful or not.

(And no, I still don't consider myself a feminist.)

The Tale of the Hubristic Baker

For Ian's birthday celebration on Saturday, he asked that I bake him a birthday cake.  I was happy to oblige, especially since he baked my birthday cake earlier this year.  He asked for a Black Forest cake, which I eagerly agreed to.

I found a recipe that I liked and gathered my ingredients.  On Saturday, I got started.  The cake recipe looked pretty straight forward, so I figured that I wouldn't have any trouble with it.  Well, my first problem was that I skipped a step, deeming it unnecessary: line the cake pans with wax paper.  Even though I had never used this recipe before, I decided that by greasing and flouring my already non-stick pans that everything would be fine.  You can probably guess what happened next: I couldn't remove the cake from the pans.  I decided to cut my losses and I ran to the store for a chocolate cake mix.  I actually followed the direction to line the pans with wax paper and, what do you know?, they came right out.

Next I made the cherry compote, but I didn't give it enough time to cool.  I've made fruit compote before, but usually it's meant to be used while still a bit warm.  Unfortunately, when combining warm compote with fresh whipped cream, it all becomes kind of a mess.  I pilled everything together the best that I could, loaded it in my cake carrier, and drove south to the Larsens.

I apologized profusely for messing up my present to Ian, but he was just happy that I was able to deliver, even if I was aided by Duncan Hines.  And even though the cake was far from pretty, it did taste pretty good - Ian went back for a second piece, which is the best compliment that a chef can receive (Clara said that she didn't like the fruit, but had no problem with the cake and whipped cream).

Even though I have done plenty of baking over the years and I have succeeded in many of my attempts, I am still learning and I should not ignore steps in recipes, especially when I've never made that treat before.

Outburst

Despite having been roommates for several months now, Samuel and I still occasionally have disagreements.

On Tuesday of this week, Samuel had a job interview.  I was excited for him, but I was surprised when he asked me for a ride as I was about to leave for work that morning.  I was happy to help, but it was frustrating that he didn't give me any notice.  I was about to walk out the door when he asked if I could drop him off at the mall across the street from where I work.  I did my best to remain calm and explain to him that it was rude of him to not have asked the night before.  He told me that he knew that I had no obligation to help him, so why worry about it?  While I see his point, I told him that I want to help him when I can, but if he springs stuff on me at the last second, I can't make any adjustments.  Luckily, he wanted me to drop him off close to my office, so it wasn't a problem to take him.

During the day, Samuel sent me a text that he couldn't find the place where his interview would be taking place, despite calling his contact.  I offered my condolences and suggested that he hang out inside the mall so that at least he'd be out of the sun.  About ten minutes before I was going to leave work, I called him to let him know that I'd be on my way soon and to ask him where I should pick him up - I specifically asked "What store are you nearby?"  We agreed to meet at Macy's and hung up.  Soon, I was outside the mall, driving around looking for him.  When I couldn't find him, I parked and called him.  He answered, but I couldn't make out what he was saying.  Samuel has a thick accent that I still struggle with and he tends to shout into his phone, distorting his voice.  I eventually understood that he was close and would be there soon.

I was surprised when, a couple of minutes later, he arrived in a car and pulled up next to me.  He got into my car and I was furious.  Where had he been?  Why didn't he simply tell me that he wasn't at the mall anymore when I told him that I would be picking him up soon?  If he got a ride to the mall, why did he need me to take him home?

He explained that when he couldn't make his interview, he walked to a nearby nursing home to help out a friend at work.  I angrily explained that that was important information that he withheld.  While I was trying to see his point of view (don't share extraneous details because it's a waste of time), I shouted out that when he doesn't tell me things, I can't help him properly.  We traveled in silence for a few minutes before I recognized that, while I was annoyed with Samuel, much of my frustration was from other sources.  I still hadn't properly recovered from my long shift on Thursday/Friday of last week, and I hadn't made it to the gym to work off any excess energy.  I apologized and explained why I thought I had overreacted.  To his credit, Samuel brushed off the incident and told me that it was no big deal.  After I dropped him off at the apartment, I went straight to the gym to work off some energy.

It has been a challenge having a roommate, especially one from another culture.  And while I do look forward to when Samuel gets a place of his own, I'm also glad that he's around for the time being.

Barbecue

Breaking from tradition, I did not spend the last holiday with the Larsens.  Instead, they spent it with me.

Usually, I head south and hang out with Ian and his family in or near their home.  But since I had already volunteered to help cook at a barbecue that my ward was hosting, I invited them to come north and join me.  Ian accepted and brought the kids, though Amanda had another obligation.

I arrived at the park where the event was held a few minutes before the Larsens.  I was helping to set things up a little, but mostly I was milling about.  When the kids got out of the car, they shouted their customary greet to me: "Uncle Jordan!" but I didn't hear them, I think because they were too far away.  When they got within earshot, they were distracted by the siren call of the playground equipment and forgot about me.  Ian came up to announce their arrival and I walked over for a proper "hello" with the kids.

I introduced Ian to about a dozen people, all members of my ward.  Everyone was very friendly, some simply saying "hi" and others actually starting conversations with him.  The one comment that we got more than any other?  We don't look like brothers.  This is nothing new for us, but was funny to have so many people tell us the same thing in such a short time period.

The barbecue was fun, but it was wet.  Everyone was sweating profusely, not because it was so hot, but because the humidity was close to 100%.  Henry complained to his dad a few times that he didn't like sweating so much.  And while we Larsens had wet hair and faces, we were handling it better than some people.  I saw a few people with their shirts soaked so thoroughly that I thought that someone had poured water on them.  Even the dessert that I brought suffered: I brought a couple of S'more pies, but since they're custard-based, they melt pretty thoroughly.  Despite that, by the time the event ended, only one slice (well, pile by that point) had not been eaten.

After a couple of hours in the heat, Ian gathered up the kids to head home. Clara and Henry were still having fun, playing with some of the primary-aged children that were there, but they were also happy to leave.  After our good-byes, I took my turn cooking hamburgers, but that turned out to be "watch the grills while we take a break."  So, I hung out close to the two charcoal grills and talked with some friends.  Later on when the clean-up started, I helped out with that and even stayed behind to watch some of the equipment since it couldn't be taken in one trip.

All told, it was a hot and humid experience, but one that was fun.

Labor Day

Well, this post is late.  I've been recovering from work pretty much all weekend.  Let me explain.

On Thursday, I realized that I wasn't going to make a deadline for the document that I was working on and I couldn't ask for an extension since the deadline was set by the client, so the document had to be delivered by the end of the day on Friday. I simply had to put in more time on the document, so I didn't go home Thursday.  I did take a break to get food for dinner, but otherwise, I worked straight through the night.  Around 2:30 am, my body started shutting down, so I partially dismantled an office chair (which I reassembled in the morning) and used it as a pillow as I laid on the floor for a nap.  I slept for about four hours, which is pretty considering the circumstances.  I left to get breakfast and went right back to work.  All told, I was at work for about 32 hours straight.

Was it worth it?  I think so, but I won't know until tomorrow when I'm back in the office.  I still delivered an incomplete document, but it was much closer than it would have been had I not stayed.  I was only about another 4 hours away from finishing it, which, while frustrating, is still pretty good all things considered.

Once I finally got home and ate dinner Friday evening, I was wired and couldn't fall asleep until after 1:30 in the morning, but once I was out, I didn't wake up until nearly noon the next day.

Hopefully, my efforts will be noticed and I won't have to pull crazy stunts like this again.