Influenza Attack!

The following blog post includes depictions of flu symptoms that some may find unsettling.  Reader discretion is advised.

I was recently contacted by one the several employment agencies that I'm registered with about a temp job as a filing clerk.  I accepted the position, but there were some requirements that I need to fulfill before I started the job.  Because the job is at the University of Maryland Medical Center, I had to get a flu shot and a tuberculosis test.  I did both last Wednesday, but due to heavy traffic, I wasn't able to get back to get the TB test verified.  I went to the office on Monday, figuring that it would be better to be there and sent away then to not show up at all.  I was sent home, but I stand by my decision.

Once I was home, I noticed that I started experiencing some body-ache.  I did my best to take it easy and stay hydrated and the body-ache didn't escalate.  However, I started having bad indigestion that woke me up yesterday at around 4 am.  I figured that maybe I had eaten a bad orange or something, but regardless of the cause, I was soon battling intense diarrhea.  I assumed that was going to be it, so I went and started making breakfast.  I ate a banana and half of a grapefruit (I figured that the vitamin C would be beneficial) and started feeling even more queasy.  I was about to start eating a bowl of oatmeal, when my body decided that it didn't want any food in me and I vomited violently into the kitchen sink.

From that point on, living was torturous.  Everything hurt and I quickly became weak because I was afraid to consume anything other than water.  I grabbed some blankets and cuddled up on the couch, feeling so cold that I was often shivering.  At one point I did find the energy to email the UMMC job and let them know that I would be delayed in returning.  After that, I slept fitfully on the couch, waking up every few hours due to my phone ringing - a few of the companies I have applied to were contacting me for brief phone interviews.  I was able to conduct myself professionally every time, but it took all of my strength.

However, while I don't feel 100%, I do think the worst of it has passed.  I've even successfully eaten the oatmeal that I made, though I had to eat it very slowly.  I knew there was a chance of a reaction to the flu shot that I received, I'm just happy that it seems to have worked its way through my system in about 36 hours.

Shorties 4

Finding Happiness through Trials

Since I teach Sunday School and get the chance to bare my testimony every week, I'm often reluctant to get up during Fast and Testimony meeting.  However, I've been thinking a lot lately about my unemployment and what I need to learn from it.  I even mentioned in a conversation with someone that "suffering is pointless if we don't learn anything from it."  Because of this, my thoughts turned to Section 122 of the Doctrine and Covenants.  The relevant part is: "... if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"  I felt compelled to share my testimony yesterday and I was even the first one on the stand once the floor was opened up.  I shared what I did above and said that trials bring experience and that while we should never seek them, we should be thankful for them and look for the lesson that our Father wants us to learn.  I praised the Lord for suffering for our sakes and closed by saying how grateful I was for the Atonement.

Uncle Jordan!

Ian and Amanda invited me to attend their Super Bowl party, which I happily attended.  When I got there, Clara and Henry came running over, happily shouting "Uncle Jordan!"  I scooped them up and shook them around a little, which got the appropriate response: giggles.  They asked what treat I had brought (brownies), but their dad quickly told them that they were going to bed and could have some tomorrow.  Even though they only saw me for a few minutes, they were super happy to see me and I them.  It feels nice to be the cool uncle (sorry, their five other uncles).

Poor Peyton

As Amanda so accurately stated to the other guests, I couldn't give half a crap about football.  No, I went simply to hang out, but I figured I might as well pick a team.  I was planning on rooting for the Sea Hawks (for no real reason), but Ian was wearing a Broncos jersey and Amanda was very vocal about cheering on Denver, so I quickly switched sides - it didn't matter to me either way, so I figured I might as well go with the crowd on it.  And then the Broncos lost hard.  Their quarterback, Peyton Manning, looked so angry during the first half (where they were losing 0-29), but by the time the final quarter started, he just looked sad.  Awww ...

New Roommate

I've mentioned on here before that I regularly give rides to Church to a member in the Ward named Samuel.  Last week, I told him if things don't work out with his current roommate (who has been kind of a jerk to him), then he was welcome to stay with me.  After thinking it over, he accepted when I saw him yesterday, though he is being kind enough to his current roommate that he gave him a month's notice of his departure.  I originally could only offer him the sofa-bed, but a family in the Ward sent out an email asking if anyone could use a mattress set that they were getting rid of.  My Elder's Quorum President claimed it for Samuel to use at my place.  While I only have a one-bedroom apartment, I think with some rope and and a few sheets, I can convert the dinning area into a pseudo-bedroom.  It'll be weird having a roommate again, but I welcome the company.

Letter

The following is a work of fiction.  While it has its roots in reality, what is depicted here is hyperbole.  Please do not take what is written here as fact.

Dear Host,

I wanted to thank you for finally letting me free.  You have so many tricks to keep me locked up that I was surprised that I finally got out.  In fact, if I had been acting alone I would probably still be hidden away in my prison cell.  I’m no fool, you see, so I had someone on the outside blow a hole in the wall.  After that, it was as easy as walking out.

I have to admit, you really worked hard to make things uncomfortable for me.  I like things soft and docile, like an obese cow.  (Heh, I’ll have to remember that one for the next time I see Cyn.)   Anyway, once I was free, I set to work rearranging the decor to better suit my style.  At first you didn’t notice.  I made little changes here and there.  Before you realized what was going on, I had moved in and was practically running the place.  Yeah, you still fight me now and then, and even knock me down from time to time, but I can already tell that there isn’t much fight left in you.

You see, all of your plans work better on my brother, Anxi, than on me.  You learned how to fight him pretty well.  You were winning practically every time you two fought.  And while he and I do have some similarities in our fighting styles, I’m much more subtle.  He’ll rush at you hard and fast, trying to knock you down with the first blow, but backing off if you stand your ground.  Much like how a crocodile will jump out and snap its jaws at its prey; if it misses, it won’t chase.  I, however, am more like a snake, sneaking up very slowly so you don’t see me and once I strike, I let my venom work its way into you, slowing you down until you drop.  Then I swallow you whole.

But you know all of that, don’t you?  That’s why even leaving the house is a victory these days.  There you are, going through the motions of improving your life, but all along the way I’m there, whispering in your ear that it’s a waste of time.  You’re still fighting, sure, but it won’t be much longer before you fall.  Just as the mouse will flail in the serpent’s jaws, your efforts are meaningless at this point.

And the best part is, you let me do it!  You didn’t know it, but you just stood by while I knocked down your defenses.  Even your basic bodily functions are in disarray!  Your bowels are a mess, you’ve put on weight, and my double-pronged attack on your sleep has you neither able to fall asleep or wake up.  With any luck, you’ll have trouble breathing soon and will even become disinterested in anything that used to bring you pleasure.  We both know that at the rate we’re going, it’s only a matter of time before I’ve won.

Sincerely,

Your Depression

Employment Status

I am sorry to report that only my in-person interview at PayPal happened on Monday.  For whatever reason, every time that I've confirmed a time for a phone interview with the HR rep from Gantech, he doesn't call.  I'm sure that something simply comes up, but it's been frustrating.  I left him a voicemail and sent him a cover letter - when he originally contacted me, he just wanted to set up an interview, since he had my resume from CareerBuilder.  I hope our interview happens soon.

As for PayPal, the interview was a mess.  When I arrived, no one seemed to know what was going on.  I didn't have a suite number with the address, so I had to guess if I was even at the right place.  The door was locked, but someone was just leaving when I walked up so I asked if I was at the right place (I was).  I said that I had an interview and gave the contact name that I had received with the address.  It took about ten minutes to track down the manager that was to interview me and when she came out she said that she wasn't aware that we were meeting that day.  Weird, I thought, but maybe the employment agency that contacted me hadn't forwarded the information to her? We found an empty conference room and sat down.

I should point out that I made a bad decision to not bring a physical copy of my resume.  I was told to bring one in the confirmation email, but every time I've taken a resume in the past, the interviewer already has a copy since I submitted a resume with my application.  For the last two interviews I've gone to prior to PayPal, I didn't bring a physical copy and everything worked out fine.  This time she was expecting me to have one.  When I explained why I had decide to not bring one, she assured me everything was fine and went and grabbed her laptop and pulled up my resume.  Not the worst thing to every happen, but clearly it was a mistake on my part to not bring my resume.

The interview was awkward.  She kept focusing on my pursuit of working as a technical writer and that the position of Project Coordinator would not involve much writing.  I told her more than once that while I certainly sought a career in writing, I felt that this position could be a positive experience and would still be beneficial to me.  Near the end of the interview, I asked why she was considering me for the position if my work history didn't line up with the job.  She said because I came highly recommended from the employment agency.  I have not yet worked for this particular agency, so it's weird that they're talking me up so much.

With the interview over, we shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and I went home.  Later that day, I got a call from the employment agency rep asking if I had had an interview at PayPal.  I confirmed that I had and she asked if PayPal had contacted me directly since no formal appointment had been made.  My blood ran cold when I realized that Monday was a tentative date for the interview, but it had never been confirmed.  Apparently the employment agency likes to have a rep present for interviews and I broke protocol by going alone.  I apologized several times for the mistake and was told that it was fine, but nothing the rep told me could dissuade me from feeling like I had blown my chance.

Honestly, the PayPal position wasn't the best fit, but it was still a job.  Maybe it's for the best that it was a terrible interview, but that just feels like sour grapes.  In the meantime, I've secured a temporary clerical job at the University of Maryland Medical Center that lasts for one month.  The rep (from a different agency) that found me the job asked multiple times if I was okay taking the job since I am so over-qualified.  I just told her that if something else comes along while I'm working this temp job, I would give the standard two weeks notice and take the other job.  She accepted my response and said that making contacts at the University could be very beneficial.

I'm really just looking forward to the boost in my emotional well-being that comes from working, even if it just temporary.

Life is Full of Unexepected Surprises

Two things happened recently.  I was only involved in one of them.

For those who don't know, there was a fatal shooting at the Columbia Mall.  The shooter used a 12-gauge shotgun and killed two people before ending his own life.  There are rumors that the two people he killed were his former lover and her new boyfriend, but any relationship between the perpetrator and victims has not been confirmed.

I bring this up simply to put everyone's mind at ease that I was nowhere near the mall when the incident occurred.  I am perfectly safe and actually found out about it from Amanda, who texted me a warning about the shooting.  I appreciate her tip, though I was in no danger of visiting the mall.

The other event that happened was that I helped out a sister in the ward that I had just met.  Samuel, a member of the ward who I've been giving rides to church every week, knew of a sister near him that also needed a ride, so after picking up Samuel, I picked up Mary.  Mary and Samuel are both from Nigeria, but have different native languages (he speaks Yoruba while she speaks Igbo) so their accents differ slightly.  When Mary got in the car, she freaked out a little bit.  I asked what was wrong and she said that her car was gone.  I asked if she needed to go back, but she declined the offer, suggesting that she would take care of things after church.

When the church-block was over, we met up and she explained that due to the recent snow storm, she had accidentally double-parked her car and had slightly overlapped the adjacent handicap space.  She was saying that her car was wrongfully impounded; I tried to explain that regardless of fault, she would have to pay to get her car back.  She asked for a ride to the impound lot.

When the three of us arrived, no one was there, so we had to wait.  Nearly thirty minutes later, a tow truck driver showed up in bad mood.  Mary started to fill out the release form, when she was told that her check would not be accepted.  I saw that she had gotten a check from the ward made out to the towing company, so I stepped outside and made a call.  After getting confirmation to go ahead with it from my Quorum president (the Bishop was unavailable), I paid her fee.  I collected the original check and made sure to get a receipt.  I have already heard back from the Bishop that I took that right steps and that I'll be reimbursed this Wednesday.

I am not in a very good position to help others right now.  In fact, paying Mary's fees took the majority of what I have left.  Even so, I knew that I could do it and that I would see that money again soon.  If I hadn't stepped in, Mary's car would still be impounded and everyday it sat there, it would just get more expensive to get released.  Not only was I helping Mary, I was assisting the Ward.

In conclusion, I am safe and actively helping others.

Unintentionally Disclosed Secrets

I made a mistake and accidentally posted some blog entries early.  For those that noticed and read the extra entries yesterday, consider that a sneak peak at a feature that will show up later this year.  For those that missed out, fear not, as they will return.

Comfort Food

I discovered recently that I find the smell of flour to be very comforting.  Even though I mostly focus on desserts, where the prominent flavor is sweetness, flour seems to have a very calming effect on me.

My first impression on the matter is that I have often baked things as an act of service to someone else, so I have come to associate the act of baking with feeling positive about doing kind deeds.  Certainly there have been times that I bake because I want some cookies or brownies or something, but nearly every time, I end up sharing what I've made with someone else.

But there's something else.  Why is it the smell of flour and not vanilla extract or brown sugar or even baking soda?  It could be that I encounter those other aromas in situations that are not related to baking, such as brown sugar in my oatmeal or baking soda used for cleaning (after the fly attack, I used baking soda to deodorize my carpet).  However, I think it also connects back to my childhood.

Smell is supposed to be the sense most closely connected to memory, sometimes not a particular memory, but to a span of time where that smell would be associated.  The smell of burning plastic still reminds me of a job where I one of my duties was shrink-wrapping books, but the entire job comes to mind, not any individual project or book title.

Perhaps the reason I find the smell of flour comforting is because I remember spending a lot of time grinding wheat into flour so that my mom could bake bread.  I was the designated "grinder," probably because even then I could do monotonous tasks without complaining (though, I probably did complain and I just don't remember it).  For a few years, I would spend some time everyday grinding the wheat into flour.  I was very close to the flour as it poured out of the mill, some of it undoubtedly flying into the air, making the aroma very intense.  I remember the fresh-baked bread as always being a treat.  When we would make sandwiches out of it, it seemed strange.  This bread was for eating by itself or with just a bit of butter, not for making sandwiches out of.

Maybe the reason the smell of flour is comforting is both the memories I have of it as a child, and the time I've spent with it as an adult.  The time periods are very different, but for both time of my life, I have associated flour with service.  And right now, any reminder of working is a positive one.

Career Building

I was planning on reporting on two job interviews that I had yesterday, but due to another snow storm, they were both postponed.  However, that doesn't mean that I don't have any good news to report.

One company, Gantech, sought me out for a technical writing position due to my profile on Career Builder.  The cool thing about this set-up is that they were impressed enough by my experience that they contacted me.  Every other time that I've found employment, either I've been contacted by an employment agency (like with Prometric) or I'm the one to initiate contact (like with RJM).  Plus, the commute would be around twenty minutes with traffic, which is a nice bonus.  The company rep and I will have a phone interview later today.

Another company contacted me through an employment agency for a contract position.  I'm less excited for this position, both because it's not permanent and because it's for project manager, but it would be really cool to have PayPal on my resume.  Also, the rep from the employment agency told me that PayPal has me as their top candidate, so I need to let them know if I have any other offers so they know if they need to move forward faster.  The commute isn't as nice as Gantech, but rather about what I had with Prometric.  We're currently on for an interview for this coming Monday.

While these are both interviews and not offers, I'm still excited just to have the ball rolling again.  I was let go from Prometric at a lousy time of year, but now everybody is finally starting to wake up from Christmas/New Year's Vacation.  If Prometric gets back to me soon (I have been in contact with them and they need to get their final budget from Accounting before they know when I can be brought back on), I'll be happy to go back, but it's really nice to know that that isn't my only option.

Two Years

Today is weird day for me.  It is both Allison's birthday and the two year anniversary of our separation.

I've avoided the subjects of Allison and our separation on this blog because it's so complicated.  While I have written about serious things like my depression, that only involves me.  I don't have to worry about what I should or should not share when I'm only writing about myself, but once we bring someone else into it, I have to think about if I'm crossing a line that I shouldn't.  Even when I wrote about Ian's fondness for Coke over Pepsi, I got his permission.  Not being in regular contact with my estranged wife makes it difficult to feel comfortable writing about us because I would have to also write about her.  However, today is different, so I will address our separation, if only briefly.

Allison made a lot of sacrifices for me when we got married.  I picked the University that I wanted to attend and she went along with it, despite the fact that for her degree in Sociology, she could have studied practically anywhere.  We were also really poor, especially that last year together, living on food stamps, trips to the Bishop's Storehouse, and my meager wages from IHOP.  All of that put a lot of stress on our marriage.  When we first got married, we talked about how foolish it was that most people got divorced due to financial reasons, but after over two years of struggling to pay our bills, the stress was just too much.  Money troubles don't ruin marriages, they cause stress-levels to skyrocket which ruins marriages.  Think of it this way: constant stress puts an extreme strain on any relationship and money woes cause more stress than just about anything else.  I always had a good attitude and would say that once we graduated, things would improve.  Then I failed 20th Century British Literature due a single missed assignment and couldn't graduate on time.  All of the stress and money woes of the past year came to a head and something had to give.  Unfortunately, that something was us living together.

I prayed hard about if we should get separated and the Spirit confirmed that we should, but I felt comforted that that was not the end of our marriage.  It was still very difficult to drive Allison to the airport so that she could to go back to stay with her folks, but I was comforted that the Lord knew what He was doing.  Since that time, I have asked for further instruction and been told to simply wait.  I have been ready to move on, but Heavenly Father has made it clear that things are not over.  Please don't think that I am being naive in hanging onto a failed marriage.  I am simply following directions that I have received from the Lord.

Today is still a weird day, but I am happy that I wrote about this difficult and complicated subject.  It was oddly cathartic.

Running Update

I was starting to be better about running regularly again when it suddenly got ridiculously cold throughout most of the US.  With a week off due to the cold (I can only put on so many layers before running becomes difficult), I was afraid that I would slide back into my rut.  Which I did almost immediately by missing my run on Tuesday, the first day that wasn't freeze-the-blood-in-your-veins cold.  I really ran with much better consistency when I was employed.

So, to improve my exercise routine, I became employed.  It's nothing exciting, just a temp job for a few days working on inventory for a company that I had never heard of (that's actually the parent company of several brands I'm familiar with) that's dealing with flood damage after a pipe burst during the Great Chill of 2014.  However, in a surprising turn, my first day on the job (Wednesday) I did push-ups again and yesterday I went for a run.  Apparently, I need structure in my life to be healthy and productive.  I'm not shocked that having some structure again has improved things, just at how quickly the change happened.  I didn't even have to go to work - just get ready in preparation for it - to see immediate results in my well-being.

Also, since the holidays are behind us, I've finally started getting calls about the applications I've been putting in.  No interviews yet, but at least something is happening (I have been in contact with Prometric and it'll be a few weeks before they get their budget and they know when I can come back; I'd love to go back, but if something else comes up in the meantime, I'll take it).  I need a job so that I can get back to living a normal, healthy life (and get rid of my kummerspeck).  Hopefully I'll be able to report good news very soon.