Two Years

Today is weird day for me.  It is both Allison's birthday and the two year anniversary of our separation.

I've avoided the subjects of Allison and our separation on this blog because it's so complicated.  While I have written about serious things like my depression, that only involves me.  I don't have to worry about what I should or should not share when I'm only writing about myself, but once we bring someone else into it, I have to think about if I'm crossing a line that I shouldn't.  Even when I wrote about Ian's fondness for Coke over Pepsi, I got his permission.  Not being in regular contact with my estranged wife makes it difficult to feel comfortable writing about us because I would have to also write about her.  However, today is different, so I will address our separation, if only briefly.

Allison made a lot of sacrifices for me when we got married.  I picked the University that I wanted to attend and she went along with it, despite the fact that for her degree in Sociology, she could have studied practically anywhere.  We were also really poor, especially that last year together, living on food stamps, trips to the Bishop's Storehouse, and my meager wages from IHOP.  All of that put a lot of stress on our marriage.  When we first got married, we talked about how foolish it was that most people got divorced due to financial reasons, but after over two years of struggling to pay our bills, the stress was just too much.  Money troubles don't ruin marriages, they cause stress-levels to skyrocket which ruins marriages.  Think of it this way: constant stress puts an extreme strain on any relationship and money woes cause more stress than just about anything else.  I always had a good attitude and would say that once we graduated, things would improve.  Then I failed 20th Century British Literature due a single missed assignment and couldn't graduate on time.  All of the stress and money woes of the past year came to a head and something had to give.  Unfortunately, that something was us living together.

I prayed hard about if we should get separated and the Spirit confirmed that we should, but I felt comforted that that was not the end of our marriage.  It was still very difficult to drive Allison to the airport so that she could to go back to stay with her folks, but I was comforted that the Lord knew what He was doing.  Since that time, I have asked for further instruction and been told to simply wait.  I have been ready to move on, but Heavenly Father has made it clear that things are not over.  Please don't think that I am being naive in hanging onto a failed marriage.  I am simply following directions that I have received from the Lord.

Today is still a weird day, but I am happy that I wrote about this difficult and complicated subject.  It was oddly cathartic.