"Neither do I condemn thee ..."

I've been thinking a lot about my post from a little while back, about how I used to be a jerk.  In particular, I've thought about the process that's led me to a better person; in other words, the lessons that I've learned.  Reflecting on this has led me to one important lesson: the importance of accepting people without agreeing with their choices.

When Allison and I first got married, we were both active in the church.  Unfortunately, Allison's testimony wasn't strong enough to withstand our move to Oklahoma and she stopped attending within a few weeks of our arrival to the state.  This was difficult for me, since my faith is such a big part of who I am.  There were several times that I sat down with Allison to convince her that she needed to go back to church, but she fought back, giving reasons why she didn't believe anymore.  Eventually, all of this came to a head when she told me that she would never go back to church and I needed to decide if I was willing to stay married to her if that was the case.  I realized that even though things were very different from what I had expected, she was my wife and that I needed stand by her, even if that meant that we no longer shared the same religious beliefs.  Obviously, other problems arose and we got separated.  While I wish this wasn't the case, I can't change what's happened.  But even though Allison and I disagree on certain parts of the other's lifestyle, I still accept her as an individual.

This lesson was very difficult for me to learn, but once I understood it, it really hit home.  It hurt to see Allison leave the church, but all I could do was either cut her from my life or accept that she had changed and still love her anyway.  I chose the latter.

This lesson reminds me of how our Heavenly Father must look upon each of us: He allows no sin, but He still loves each of his children.  When we sin, He is disappointed in us and will urge us to do better, but He leaves the decision up to us; we simply have to face the consequences of our actions.  I'm glad that I now see that showing warmth and kindness to someone does not necessarily mean that I condone their actions, simply that I respect their agency.