I've been thinking a lot about my post from a little while back, about how I used to be a jerk. In particular, I've thought about the process that's led me to a better person; in other words, the lessons that I've learned. Reflecting on this has led me to one important lesson: the importance of accepting people without agreeing with their choices.
When Allison and I first got married, we were both active in the church. Unfortunately, Allison's testimony wasn't strong enough to withstand our move to Oklahoma and she stopped attending within a few weeks of our arrival to the state. This was difficult for me, since my faith is such a big part of who I am. There were several times that I sat down with Allison to convince her that she needed to go back to church, but she fought back, giving reasons why she didn't believe anymore. Eventually, all of this came to a head when she told me that she would never go back to church and I needed to decide if I was willing to stay married to her if that was the case. I realized that even though things were very different from what I had expected, she was my wife and that I needed stand by her, even if that meant that we no longer shared the same religious beliefs. Obviously, other problems arose and we got separated. While I wish this wasn't the case, I can't change what's happened. But even though Allison and I disagree on certain parts of the other's lifestyle, I still accept her as an individual.
This lesson was very difficult for me to learn, but once I understood it, it really hit home. It hurt to see Allison leave the church, but all I could do was either cut her from my life or accept that she had changed and still love her anyway. I chose the latter.
This lesson reminds me of how our Heavenly Father must look upon each of us: He allows no sin, but He still loves each of his children. When we sin, He is disappointed in us and will urge us to do better, but He leaves the decision up to us; we simply have to face the consequences of our actions. I'm glad that I now see that showing warmth and kindness to someone does not necessarily mean that I condone their actions, simply that I respect their agency.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
Christmas, 2013
I spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and part of Boxing Day down with the Larsens. They were very kind to put me up for two nights and I really appreciate being able to share in their Christmas festivities.
The thing that stands out the most to me is how ridiculously excited Clara and Henry were leading up to Christmas. There were multiple times that either one of them just started shaking with anticipation. That kind of child-like enthusiasm was really neat to see.
On the Eve, I arrived (to excited shouts of "Uncle Jordan!") with fresh baked cinnamon rolls- the recipe I used can be found here. From there, due to me arriving in the early afternoon, the kids were put down for a nap and I hung out with the grown ups. After kids were up, we all went to Christmas Mass, which the kids referred to as "Christmas Church" (I went as a way of showing support for Amanda). When we got home, Ian read to the kids out of Luke 2 as they acted out the story with their plastic nativity. Soon after that, we watched The Muppet Christmas Carol while we ate dinner (which was antipasto and spicy meatballs - which is awesome - in recognition of Amanda's Italian heritage). Once the movie was over, the kids got to open up one present each: they got new pajamas that they changed into and then went to bed. With the kids in bed, Santa "visited."
On Christmas, things started at sunrise, because you can only keep children waiting so long. Again, their excitement was so palpable that it seemed like every present was their favorite thing ever. While there was one reminder about needing to be appreciative, overall things went very smoothly. I also surprised everyone with a crocheted scarf (I can't afford much right now, but I can afford a few skeins of yarn and several hours of my time), which everyone immediately tried on. Isaac and Felicia also sent me a package that I opened there: it was a very nice memory foam pillow with a fleece pillow case, which was awfully kind of them. After presents, things wound down a bit. Later on, after dinner, Ian and I went to see a movie, which I'll post about later. For now I'll just say that it was fun.
On Boxing Day (which is not celebrated in the US but should be), I left shortly after breakfast. I did stay long enough to help the kids play a new video game; I didn't jump in at all, I just helped get things set up for each level as their hand-eye coordination is still developing.
A lot of stuff got crammed into just a few days, but it was enjoyable and I'm happy that I got to spend Christmas with family.
The thing that stands out the most to me is how ridiculously excited Clara and Henry were leading up to Christmas. There were multiple times that either one of them just started shaking with anticipation. That kind of child-like enthusiasm was really neat to see.
On the Eve, I arrived (to excited shouts of "Uncle Jordan!") with fresh baked cinnamon rolls- the recipe I used can be found here. From there, due to me arriving in the early afternoon, the kids were put down for a nap and I hung out with the grown ups. After kids were up, we all went to Christmas Mass, which the kids referred to as "Christmas Church" (I went as a way of showing support for Amanda). When we got home, Ian read to the kids out of Luke 2 as they acted out the story with their plastic nativity. Soon after that, we watched The Muppet Christmas Carol while we ate dinner (which was antipasto and spicy meatballs - which is awesome - in recognition of Amanda's Italian heritage). Once the movie was over, the kids got to open up one present each: they got new pajamas that they changed into and then went to bed. With the kids in bed, Santa "visited."
On Christmas, things started at sunrise, because you can only keep children waiting so long. Again, their excitement was so palpable that it seemed like every present was their favorite thing ever. While there was one reminder about needing to be appreciative, overall things went very smoothly. I also surprised everyone with a crocheted scarf (I can't afford much right now, but I can afford a few skeins of yarn and several hours of my time), which everyone immediately tried on. Isaac and Felicia also sent me a package that I opened there: it was a very nice memory foam pillow with a fleece pillow case, which was awfully kind of them. After presents, things wound down a bit. Later on, after dinner, Ian and I went to see a movie, which I'll post about later. For now I'll just say that it was fun.
On Boxing Day (which is not celebrated in the US but should be), I left shortly after breakfast. I did stay long enough to help the kids play a new video game; I didn't jump in at all, I just helped get things set up for each level as their hand-eye coordination is still developing.
A lot of stuff got crammed into just a few days, but it was enjoyable and I'm happy that I got to spend Christmas with family.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Why Christmas is Important
This last Sunday, I led a discussion in Sunday School about how weird a holiday Christmas is: it started out as a pagan holiday with major connections to fertility rites, Santa is an amalgam of Saint Nicolas and Odin, and anything that is in connection to Christianity is an add on. In spite of all of this, Christmas is still an important holiday. My big question was: Why? The following discussion was a delightful mix of members sharing their beliefs and their traditions and how this is the one time of year that we get to share with the rest of the world that we are Christians without getting too much flack.
It was a great discussion (I don't want to call it a lesson since it wouldn't have worked if I was the only one that talked) and I think what made it work was how much everyone felt invested in what we were talking about by sharing personal stories.
I've not always had the best relationship with Christmas, especially as a teen and young adult since there was so much work associated with the season, either with choir or retail work. However, I see that the season is important, whether we celebrate it by having a visit from Santa or by baking cookies for our neighbors. The holiday is about families and togetherness and worshiping the Savior and it's one of the few times that we get to do with the rest of the world.
It was a great discussion (I don't want to call it a lesson since it wouldn't have worked if I was the only one that talked) and I think what made it work was how much everyone felt invested in what we were talking about by sharing personal stories.
I've not always had the best relationship with Christmas, especially as a teen and young adult since there was so much work associated with the season, either with choir or retail work. However, I see that the season is important, whether we celebrate it by having a visit from Santa or by baking cookies for our neighbors. The holiday is about families and togetherness and worshiping the Savior and it's one of the few times that we get to do with the rest of the world.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Mr. Green Christmas
As we know, there are only a handful of holiday songs that have been adopted as classics, and they keep being played every single year. There are literally hundreds of Christmas songs, but only rarely do new ones get adopted. We do have some lovely carols like "Silent Night" and "Angels We Have Heard on High," but there are also songs (of varying quality) that celebrate the winter season like "Jingle Bells" and "Winter Wonderland." Unfortunately, this latter category only describes winter in one way: snowy. That never applied to me as a kid, so it made it harder for me to relate to the songs. Then I stumbled across this song from an old stop-motion Rankin/Bass Christmas special that I don't remember seeing, The Year Without Santa Claus.
Like most songs meant to appeal to children, the melody is very simplistic and the lyrics have little variety, but it's the only seasonal song that I know of that offers an alternative to a frosty Christmas. I particularly like it because both Christmases are shown as being equal, just different. It can be cold and white or warm and green and still be Christmas. It's nice to get some recognition that the temperature doesn't make it Christmas, but rather our celebrations.
Like most songs meant to appeal to children, the melody is very simplistic and the lyrics have little variety, but it's the only seasonal song that I know of that offers an alternative to a frosty Christmas. I particularly like it because both Christmases are shown as being equal, just different. It can be cold and white or warm and green and still be Christmas. It's nice to get some recognition that the temperature doesn't make it Christmas, but rather our celebrations.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Choose Your Side
When I was growing up, I was taught that caffeine was against the Word of Wisdom and that I needed to abstain from it. However, while I was serving my mission I studied Section 89 much closer and learned that caffeine is not a part of the "don't" side of the Word of Wisdom. We are told to avoid "hot drinks," which we've been told by our Priesthood leaders means coffee and tea. Yes, coffee and tea both have caffeine in them, but so does chocolate and I know a lot of faithful members that indulge in that dark treat. If someone wants to stay away from caffeine, even as a way to follow the commandments, that's up to them to decide. Sort of like what someone constitutes as swearing: I occasionally say "crap" but I'm sure that others would find that that crosses the line. (Incidentally, the reason I think coffee and tea are forbidden is to help build faith. There are plenty of people who stay away from alcohol and tobacco for non-religious reasons, but coffee and tea are so ubiquitous that by abstaining, we stand out. It makes our behavior that much more obvious and urges us to not be ashamed of our beliefs.)
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that my introduction to cola was later in life than most. While I was in high school, I sampled several things that I thought weren't allowed, all of them with caffeine (I never had tobacco, alcohol, or coffee, but I did have iced tea a few times - not sure how that one slipped through). Since my high school was sponsored by Pepsi, that's often what I had. Then I served my mission was in northern Ohio, which has a Pepsi bottling plant in Mansfield - a lot of locals felt like they were supporting the local economy by buying Pepsi. By the time I returned home, I was a Pepsi fan. Ian discovered the same thing that I had while on his mission - that caffeine is not against the Word of Wisdom - but since he served in Georgia, he came back a fan of Coke (Coca-Cola is headquartered in Atlanta). To further cement his loyalty, during his military deployments, Coke was one of the few American products that he could easily get a hold of, giving him a small taste of home. He once told me in all seriousness that, to him, Coke tastes like America. We tease each other about the other's cola preferences, but the jesting is all in good fun.
I bring all of this up because I want to discuss some of the differences I've noticed between Coke drinkers and Pepsi drinkers. First, I should mention the differences in flavor of the actual products. Pepsi is slightly sweeter than Coke and I taste more orange oil in Pepsi verses more lemon oil in Coke. Coke has bit more spice (I suspect that cinnamon is present) while Pepsi seems to have a stronger vanilla flavor. Pepsi is also supposed to have less carbonation, which I don't care much for anyway. Also, Coke still uses actual coca leaf extract in their formula and is the only US company that is allowed to import the plant. Since I don't know what coca tastes like, I have no idea how it affects the flavor.
Now, on to the drinkers. Coke drinkers are pretty picky. While I was working at IHOP, we started out serving Coke, but near the end of my run at the restaurant, all of the fountain drinks were switched out for Pepsi products. During the Coke-time (which sounds like a drug-fueled binge), when someone asked for a Pepsi, they would generally accept a Coke when offered one in it's place. Once we had Pepsi, however, I saw a lot of people go with water rather than taint their tongues with something other than Coke. I think has a lot to do with the fact that Coke is much more likely to be on tap, so people get used to it being available. I prefer Pepsi, but I also recognize that most places serve Coke; if I want a cola, compromise is usually required. Coke-drinkers aren't used to having to compromise, so in the rare instances that it comes up, they're more likely to refuse.
Another oddity is the so-called Pepsi paradox. In blind taste-tests, Pepsi is the consistent winner, yet Coke is still the top-selling drink worldwide. While Ian and I can tell the difference between them, we're exceptions to the rule. Most people don't notice the subtle differences in flavor between the two products, they just choose a brand based on advertising. I've even read reports about Coke-drinkers who choose Pepsi in the Pepsi Challenge, but refuse to change their habits because they feel such strong loyalty. Maybe Pepsi-drinkers are the hipsters of cola aficionados ("Coke's too mainstream, man")?
Ultimately, the two drinks really aren't that different. Yes, I still prefer Pepsi, but I also prefer Mars to Hershey's (I have for years, independent of any other connection to the company), yet I recognize that there are even fewer differences between the two chocolate recipes. Whatever our preferred soda company, we usually pick a side and stick by it, even if the reasons for our choices are generally pretty flimsy.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that my introduction to cola was later in life than most. While I was in high school, I sampled several things that I thought weren't allowed, all of them with caffeine (I never had tobacco, alcohol, or coffee, but I did have iced tea a few times - not sure how that one slipped through). Since my high school was sponsored by Pepsi, that's often what I had. Then I served my mission was in northern Ohio, which has a Pepsi bottling plant in Mansfield - a lot of locals felt like they were supporting the local economy by buying Pepsi. By the time I returned home, I was a Pepsi fan. Ian discovered the same thing that I had while on his mission - that caffeine is not against the Word of Wisdom - but since he served in Georgia, he came back a fan of Coke (Coca-Cola is headquartered in Atlanta). To further cement his loyalty, during his military deployments, Coke was one of the few American products that he could easily get a hold of, giving him a small taste of home. He once told me in all seriousness that, to him, Coke tastes like America. We tease each other about the other's cola preferences, but the jesting is all in good fun.
I bring all of this up because I want to discuss some of the differences I've noticed between Coke drinkers and Pepsi drinkers. First, I should mention the differences in flavor of the actual products. Pepsi is slightly sweeter than Coke and I taste more orange oil in Pepsi verses more lemon oil in Coke. Coke has bit more spice (I suspect that cinnamon is present) while Pepsi seems to have a stronger vanilla flavor. Pepsi is also supposed to have less carbonation, which I don't care much for anyway. Also, Coke still uses actual coca leaf extract in their formula and is the only US company that is allowed to import the plant. Since I don't know what coca tastes like, I have no idea how it affects the flavor.
Now, on to the drinkers. Coke drinkers are pretty picky. While I was working at IHOP, we started out serving Coke, but near the end of my run at the restaurant, all of the fountain drinks were switched out for Pepsi products. During the Coke-time (which sounds like a drug-fueled binge), when someone asked for a Pepsi, they would generally accept a Coke when offered one in it's place. Once we had Pepsi, however, I saw a lot of people go with water rather than taint their tongues with something other than Coke. I think has a lot to do with the fact that Coke is much more likely to be on tap, so people get used to it being available. I prefer Pepsi, but I also recognize that most places serve Coke; if I want a cola, compromise is usually required. Coke-drinkers aren't used to having to compromise, so in the rare instances that it comes up, they're more likely to refuse.
Another oddity is the so-called Pepsi paradox. In blind taste-tests, Pepsi is the consistent winner, yet Coke is still the top-selling drink worldwide. While Ian and I can tell the difference between them, we're exceptions to the rule. Most people don't notice the subtle differences in flavor between the two products, they just choose a brand based on advertising. I've even read reports about Coke-drinkers who choose Pepsi in the Pepsi Challenge, but refuse to change their habits because they feel such strong loyalty. Maybe Pepsi-drinkers are the hipsters of cola aficionados ("Coke's too mainstream, man")?
Ultimately, the two drinks really aren't that different. Yes, I still prefer Pepsi, but I also prefer Mars to Hershey's (I have for years, independent of any other connection to the company), yet I recognize that there are even fewer differences between the two chocolate recipes. Whatever our preferred soda company, we usually pick a side and stick by it, even if the reasons for our choices are generally pretty flimsy.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Is It Worth Your Time?
As I was waiting in line at the grocery store this week, I eyed the candy bars, as I often do. I didn't buy anything, but the thought occurred to me that if we earn money based on how much we work, then the goods that we buy are paid with the hours of our lives. It's kind of like the concept for the terrible, terrible movie In Time, but less literal.
Anyway, the average price of a single serving package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in 2011 was $1.14 (it's harder to find historical candy prices than you might think). Using income data from the same year (which is much easier to get a hold of), I did some basic calculations and figured out the following statistics: for someone with just a high school diploma, a package of Reese's costs just shy of five minutes of their life; for someone with a bachelor's degree, it costs slightly more than three minutes; and for a person with a master's degree, it costs about two and a half minutes. At the very bottom, someone making minimum wage would pay nearly 9 minutes for the same treat.
While I know that I'm not the first person to think of money as a representation of time worked, it was kind of a fun to see how it breaks down. I do wonder if this knowledge would have affected my candy purchases when I was a teenager, though I highly doubt it.
Anyway, the average price of a single serving package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in 2011 was $1.14 (it's harder to find historical candy prices than you might think). Using income data from the same year (which is much easier to get a hold of), I did some basic calculations and figured out the following statistics: for someone with just a high school diploma, a package of Reese's costs just shy of five minutes of their life; for someone with a bachelor's degree, it costs slightly more than three minutes; and for a person with a master's degree, it costs about two and a half minutes. At the very bottom, someone making minimum wage would pay nearly 9 minutes for the same treat.
While I know that I'm not the first person to think of money as a representation of time worked, it was kind of a fun to see how it breaks down. I do wonder if this knowledge would have affected my candy purchases when I was a teenager, though I highly doubt it.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Progress
I had another allergic reaction very early on Sunday morning. This one, however, didn't send me to the ER. It's not great news, but I'll take what I can get.
I had a weird day on Saturday. I slept a lot, but I also had a pretty bad headache (that I was trying to sleep off). Anyway, I dinner around 1:30 AM, with the plan to still get some more sleep before going to church. Right after I ate, I could feel the reaction happening. Because this is the fifth reaction I've had, I noticed it very quickly, so I was able to react much faster than I have before. Since I have no insurance, I was especially apprehensive about going to the ER (not that it was cheap when I had benefits). I called my folks and asked what they thought I should do. My mom immediately suggested that I take an anti-histamine. I took two Benadryl (the highest recommended doesage) and stayed on the phone, mostly just going over what had happened. After about twenty minutes, I was starting to feel really drowsy, but my reaction had stopped getting worse; in previous experiences, by about ten minutes into it, my back would be completely covered in welts, while this time I spotted only two or three. I think this was a mild reaction to begin with, but the quick administration of the proper medication also did what it was supposed to.
Now, because the Benadryl made me so drowsy, I didn't get up in time for church. While that's bad enough on it's own, I was supposed to be the ride for a brother in the ward. Having needed a ride so recently myself, I felt absolutely awful about leaving him hanging like that. My Elder's Quorum president promised to patch things up for me, since it wasn't really my fault. Even if it wasn't my fault, I still regret not being able to fulfill my responsibility.
However, all things considered, the fact that I had an allergic reaction that didn't require a hospital visit is still a sign that things are progressing in the right direction.
I had a weird day on Saturday. I slept a lot, but I also had a pretty bad headache (that I was trying to sleep off). Anyway, I dinner around 1:30 AM, with the plan to still get some more sleep before going to church. Right after I ate, I could feel the reaction happening. Because this is the fifth reaction I've had, I noticed it very quickly, so I was able to react much faster than I have before. Since I have no insurance, I was especially apprehensive about going to the ER (not that it was cheap when I had benefits). I called my folks and asked what they thought I should do. My mom immediately suggested that I take an anti-histamine. I took two Benadryl (the highest recommended doesage) and stayed on the phone, mostly just going over what had happened. After about twenty minutes, I was starting to feel really drowsy, but my reaction had stopped getting worse; in previous experiences, by about ten minutes into it, my back would be completely covered in welts, while this time I spotted only two or three. I think this was a mild reaction to begin with, but the quick administration of the proper medication also did what it was supposed to.
Now, because the Benadryl made me so drowsy, I didn't get up in time for church. While that's bad enough on it's own, I was supposed to be the ride for a brother in the ward. Having needed a ride so recently myself, I felt absolutely awful about leaving him hanging like that. My Elder's Quorum president promised to patch things up for me, since it wasn't really my fault. Even if it wasn't my fault, I still regret not being able to fulfill my responsibility.
However, all things considered, the fact that I had an allergic reaction that didn't require a hospital visit is still a sign that things are progressing in the right direction.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Good Gravy
I don't think it should come as a surprise that I enjoy cooking. Nor should it be surprising that after several years of working at, I've developed a talent for it. It doesn't hurt that I've had some training in actual restaurants, but the skills in the kitchen I have are mine because I enjoy spending time there.
Having said that, one ability alluded me: making gravy. I have attempted to make gravy, chicken or beef, multiple times, but it always ended up a weird, gross mess (except for one time that I had Grandma on the phone, giving me directions the entire time). My problem always occurred when I would add the flour to act as the thickening agent: instead of thickening all parts equally, it would always clump up.
Last night, I made yet another attempt at gravy-making. After finishing a beef roast, I collected the liquid from the pan, heated it in a saucepan, and added an equal amount of white flour. Once again, it clumped up. While I can't say I was terribly surprised, I was still disappointed. I did not, however, give up. I poured the liquid through a strainer and recollected it. This time, I started with about a tablespoon of butter in the saucepan and added roughly the same amount of flour. I quickly whisked these ingredients together with a fork and created a smooth consistency. Basically, I made a roux. I added the strained beef drippings to it and let it all heat up for a few seconds, watching the texture and thickness. Lo and behold, I had made gravy! Not only that, it was quite good!
Gravy making is a very basic cooking skill, but, for whatever reason, one that has eluded me. After so much trial and error, it feels very cathartic to finally succeed and make some tasty gravy.
Having said that, one ability alluded me: making gravy. I have attempted to make gravy, chicken or beef, multiple times, but it always ended up a weird, gross mess (except for one time that I had Grandma on the phone, giving me directions the entire time). My problem always occurred when I would add the flour to act as the thickening agent: instead of thickening all parts equally, it would always clump up.
Last night, I made yet another attempt at gravy-making. After finishing a beef roast, I collected the liquid from the pan, heated it in a saucepan, and added an equal amount of white flour. Once again, it clumped up. While I can't say I was terribly surprised, I was still disappointed. I did not, however, give up. I poured the liquid through a strainer and recollected it. This time, I started with about a tablespoon of butter in the saucepan and added roughly the same amount of flour. I quickly whisked these ingredients together with a fork and created a smooth consistency. Basically, I made a roux. I added the strained beef drippings to it and let it all heat up for a few seconds, watching the texture and thickness. Lo and behold, I had made gravy! Not only that, it was quite good!
Gravy making is a very basic cooking skill, but, for whatever reason, one that has eluded me. After so much trial and error, it feels very cathartic to finally succeed and make some tasty gravy.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Statistics
Google does a good job of tracking everything and that includes this blog. I recently looked in the "Stats" section of the creator menu and found out some interesting things that I want to share.
Last week, I had 83 "pageviews" from people in the US. I've also had eight views from Vietnam, seven from Russia, and one apiece from Germany and the Netherlands.
The most common operating system used to view my blog is Windows (72%) and the most common browser is Firefox (34%).
The site that redirects to my blog most often is Vampirestat.com. I've never heard of them and have no idea why they send users my way.
The most popular post of last week, based on pageviews, is the one where I shared that I'm temporarily out of work (11 views). The most popular post of all time is R-JAM (42 views).
Surprised by anything you saw?
Last week, I had 83 "pageviews" from people in the US. I've also had eight views from Vietnam, seven from Russia, and one apiece from Germany and the Netherlands.
The most common operating system used to view my blog is Windows (72%) and the most common browser is Firefox (34%).
The site that redirects to my blog most often is Vampirestat.com. I've never heard of them and have no idea why they send users my way.
The most popular post of last week, based on pageviews, is the one where I shared that I'm temporarily out of work (11 views). The most popular post of all time is R-JAM (42 views).
Surprised by anything you saw?
Monday, December 9, 2013
Me, Circa 2009
When I was in my first semester at OSU, I took one of my favorite classes: Advanced Composition. Among our assorted assignments was one where we had to email everyone in the class regularly with a writing sample that was at least 100 words long. I never deleted any of the emails I sent or received and I spent some time recently going over what I wrote about four years ago and I wanted to discuss the ways in which I'm now a different person.
I complained. A lot. I didn't like Stillwater, I didn't like the younger people I was going to school with, I didn't like the cultural differences of Oklahoma, I didn't like how much I worked (now I can't get enough work), etc. It's really a shame and I hope that I don't come off as that negative now.
I had more frequent spelling errors in my writing. I'm not perfect and I still make mistakes, but I feel like I catch more of them these days.
I was funnier. Maybe I was more relaxed, but made a lot more jokes. Not all of them were funny, but I tried more often than I do now. That makes me a bit sad.
I must not have been afraid of offending anyone, because I was crass. I pointed out the racism I had observed since moving to Oklahoma (and most of the kids in the class were native Oklahomans) and I teased people that liked the Twilight books (at least four girls in my class admitted that they enjoyed them). While those aren't terrible, I was shocked at how brazen I was.
I liked to give unsolicited advice. Do I still do that? I hope not, or at least that I don't do it often. I think I assumed that since I was older that I could help the "poor kids" I was in class with (I was really full of myself).
I wrote a lot about how much I loved Allison. I know we were newlyweds, but it was still sweet to see the strong affection that I shared multiple times (I even said that one of my favorite moments was our first dance at our wedding, something that hasn't changed). I still love Allison, but I've rarely written about it since our separation; maybe I should change that.
In one of the emails, I found an early draft of my shoe story and it really did get better by having one of my classmates review it. It's a reminder that I should write more stories and that I should make revisions to them, too.
All in all, I really don't think I'd like me from four years ago if I met him today. I've had a lot of "real world experience," as Dad calls it, during that time and it's really had a powerful impact on me in how I see the world and interact with people. But I've also had some professional writing experience and that seems to have made my creative writing style drier and less witty, which I don't like. Still, I'll take being a better, more positive person over being funny.
I complained. A lot. I didn't like Stillwater, I didn't like the younger people I was going to school with, I didn't like the cultural differences of Oklahoma, I didn't like how much I worked (now I can't get enough work), etc. It's really a shame and I hope that I don't come off as that negative now.
I had more frequent spelling errors in my writing. I'm not perfect and I still make mistakes, but I feel like I catch more of them these days.
I was funnier. Maybe I was more relaxed, but made a lot more jokes. Not all of them were funny, but I tried more often than I do now. That makes me a bit sad.
I must not have been afraid of offending anyone, because I was crass. I pointed out the racism I had observed since moving to Oklahoma (and most of the kids in the class were native Oklahomans) and I teased people that liked the Twilight books (at least four girls in my class admitted that they enjoyed them). While those aren't terrible, I was shocked at how brazen I was.
I liked to give unsolicited advice. Do I still do that? I hope not, or at least that I don't do it often. I think I assumed that since I was older that I could help the "poor kids" I was in class with (I was really full of myself).
I wrote a lot about how much I loved Allison. I know we were newlyweds, but it was still sweet to see the strong affection that I shared multiple times (I even said that one of my favorite moments was our first dance at our wedding, something that hasn't changed). I still love Allison, but I've rarely written about it since our separation; maybe I should change that.
In one of the emails, I found an early draft of my shoe story and it really did get better by having one of my classmates review it. It's a reminder that I should write more stories and that I should make revisions to them, too.
All in all, I really don't think I'd like me from four years ago if I met him today. I've had a lot of "real world experience," as Dad calls it, during that time and it's really had a powerful impact on me in how I see the world and interact with people. But I've also had some professional writing experience and that seems to have made my creative writing style drier and less witty, which I don't like. Still, I'll take being a better, more positive person over being funny.
Friday, December 6, 2013
This Again?
I have good news and bad news. The good news is that it should only last one to two months. The bad news is that I'm unemployed again. That may not have been the best way to present that news.
But, yeah, I was downsized. The accounting department is requiring all "non-essential" employees to be cut so that they can have a lower end-of-the-year bottom line (my last day is today). It's hard to argue that a contract employee is essential, even when the head of my department (a vice president no less) fought to have me stay on. However, once the budget opens up again in January, they want me to come back on. I talked to the department head, Jana, yesterday morning and she was gushing when describing the work that I've put forth and how happy she is with what I've accomplished so far. That was really uplifting.
Part of her high opinion of me may have to do with some recent work that I've done with interviewing different team leaders to see if we can create a better system for creating proposals. I've never done anything like this before, but I looked up what I could about creating surveys and put together a broad range of questions. Holly, the manager that I worked with on it, had nothing but positive things to say about my participation.
Unfortunately, this still means that I'm out of work for a month or two, during one of the worst time to be looking for work. I'm putting in applications into temp agencies so that I can be ready to go when my position appears again, but I'm also going to that old standby: retail. Obviously, I'd rather be in an office than an Old Navy, but I can probably get in pretty quick for seasonal work and that's better than nothing.
I was really hurt when I found out that I lost my job, but now I'm looking at it more like a furlough, and that's not so bad.
But, yeah, I was downsized. The accounting department is requiring all "non-essential" employees to be cut so that they can have a lower end-of-the-year bottom line (my last day is today). It's hard to argue that a contract employee is essential, even when the head of my department (a vice president no less) fought to have me stay on. However, once the budget opens up again in January, they want me to come back on. I talked to the department head, Jana, yesterday morning and she was gushing when describing the work that I've put forth and how happy she is with what I've accomplished so far. That was really uplifting.
Part of her high opinion of me may have to do with some recent work that I've done with interviewing different team leaders to see if we can create a better system for creating proposals. I've never done anything like this before, but I looked up what I could about creating surveys and put together a broad range of questions. Holly, the manager that I worked with on it, had nothing but positive things to say about my participation.
Unfortunately, this still means that I'm out of work for a month or two, during one of the worst time to be looking for work. I'm putting in applications into temp agencies so that I can be ready to go when my position appears again, but I'm also going to that old standby: retail. Obviously, I'd rather be in an office than an Old Navy, but I can probably get in pretty quick for seasonal work and that's better than nothing.
I was really hurt when I found out that I lost my job, but now I'm looking at it more like a furlough, and that's not so bad.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Morality as a Constant
I recently encountered two different pieces of media that argued, very briefly, that morality is a social construct. The first was a in a book that I've been reading on my lunch breaks at work, the terribly named Deathworld 2, and the second was a stupid video defending the existence of "pink toys." These were each released nearly fifty years apart, yet they still take the time to argue the same thing.
In Deathworld 2, the main character, Jason, has been arrested by an overly righteous policeman and is being taken back to the planet he robbed to face his crimes (Jason cheated while at a casino in the first Deathworld). In order to distract his captor, Jason challenges his beliefs by saying that morality is set by the society that creates it. This of course angers the cop enough for Jason to make his next move.
In the video, the creator, Movie Bob, addresses the concern that apparently many people have about the perceived sexism of boy- or girl-themed toys. You know, action figures for boys and dolls for girls. According to Movie Bob, these toys aren't the problem, rather society is. And then in an off-hand comment, says that morality changes depending on which society you belong to and that things for kids in the future will be better as more people recognize that.
I also recently read about the conversion of the king of Lamanites and how his people would rather die than to ever pick up another weapon of war. These people had created their own moral code that said that a ruler could kill his servants if he was displeased with them, but it was a false code. True morality comes from God and is unchangeable. Just as the Anti-Nephi-Lehies changed their lives to align with the Gospel, we too are required to live according to the commandments.
Even though many aspects of society change as time moves forward, morality was given to us by our Creator, and since we didn't create it, we have no right to alter it.
In Deathworld 2, the main character, Jason, has been arrested by an overly righteous policeman and is being taken back to the planet he robbed to face his crimes (Jason cheated while at a casino in the first Deathworld). In order to distract his captor, Jason challenges his beliefs by saying that morality is set by the society that creates it. This of course angers the cop enough for Jason to make his next move.
In the video, the creator, Movie Bob, addresses the concern that apparently many people have about the perceived sexism of boy- or girl-themed toys. You know, action figures for boys and dolls for girls. According to Movie Bob, these toys aren't the problem, rather society is. And then in an off-hand comment, says that morality changes depending on which society you belong to and that things for kids in the future will be better as more people recognize that.
I also recently read about the conversion of the king of Lamanites and how his people would rather die than to ever pick up another weapon of war. These people had created their own moral code that said that a ruler could kill his servants if he was displeased with them, but it was a false code. True morality comes from God and is unchangeable. Just as the Anti-Nephi-Lehies changed their lives to align with the Gospel, we too are required to live according to the commandments.
Even though many aspects of society change as time moves forward, morality was given to us by our Creator, and since we didn't create it, we have no right to alter it.
Monday, December 2, 2013
MRI
I had a magnetic resonance imaging scan of my brain done on Friday. I won't get to know what happened until I see the neurologists again, but I can tell you about the experience.
First off, I cheated and drove myself. It took me days to get my insurance worked out and it still expired at the end of November, so I was lucky to get the appointment that I did and I wasn't about to abandon it because I didn't have a ride. Plus, I've been on my anti-seizure medication since Wednesday evening, so my risk has steadily declined since then.
After I arrived and filled out some forms, I was called back. I knew I was going to be instructed to remove all metal (I left my watch at home) and since I was wearing jeans with copper brackets, I had to remove them. I assumed that I would be given a dressing gown, but to my surprise, I was handed a set of scrubs. That meant that I still got to wear pants! I was also given a pair of earplugs to wear.
Once the examination room was free and had been wiped down, I was brought in to where the MRI machine was. I laid down on the table (metal with a vinyl pad) and my head was strapped down to keep me from moving. Once I was secure, the table rose up and slid back into the tube that is the MRI machine. I was inserted up to my shoulders; that was fine, but if I had gone up to my waist or farther it would have been a bit nerve-wracking since the space is so small. While I was in the tube, I heard a lot of loud noises (even with the earplugs) that kept changing. After about twenty minutes, I was pulled out and injected with radioactive dye, then sent back in for another twelve minutes. After that I was sent home.
While my experience was fine, I can certainly see why some people find MRI scans to be stressful. Now I just need to find out what they saw with the giant magnet.
First off, I cheated and drove myself. It took me days to get my insurance worked out and it still expired at the end of November, so I was lucky to get the appointment that I did and I wasn't about to abandon it because I didn't have a ride. Plus, I've been on my anti-seizure medication since Wednesday evening, so my risk has steadily declined since then.
After I arrived and filled out some forms, I was called back. I knew I was going to be instructed to remove all metal (I left my watch at home) and since I was wearing jeans with copper brackets, I had to remove them. I assumed that I would be given a dressing gown, but to my surprise, I was handed a set of scrubs. That meant that I still got to wear pants! I was also given a pair of earplugs to wear.
Once the examination room was free and had been wiped down, I was brought in to where the MRI machine was. I laid down on the table (metal with a vinyl pad) and my head was strapped down to keep me from moving. Once I was secure, the table rose up and slid back into the tube that is the MRI machine. I was inserted up to my shoulders; that was fine, but if I had gone up to my waist or farther it would have been a bit nerve-wracking since the space is so small. While I was in the tube, I heard a lot of loud noises (even with the earplugs) that kept changing. After about twenty minutes, I was pulled out and injected with radioactive dye, then sent back in for another twelve minutes. After that I was sent home.
While my experience was fine, I can certainly see why some people find MRI scans to be stressful. Now I just need to find out what they saw with the giant magnet.
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