Imbalance

I saw a new neurologist on Thursday.  This was the first time I'd seen a brain doctor since I was first diagnosed with epilepsy back in December of 2013, so it was nice to get a second opinion.  My doctor said that based on my history, that my current medication (levetiracetam) appears to be working well and that as long as I don't miss a dose, everything should be fine.

Since the meeting, however, I've been thinking more and more about the side effects of my medication.  The most common one is drowsiness and/or sleeplessness, which I definitely deal with, though I don't know how much of that is due to the meds -- I have a sleep study scheduled for a week from today, so maybe with the right kind of CPAP machine, I'll be fine.

The next most common side effects are increased levels of anxiety and/or depression.  This is the one that has me the most concerned.  Right after I started taking levetiracetam (or Keppra, if you want to use the brand name), I went through the worst depression of my life.  The problem, however, is that the circumstances of my life were pretty depressing: I had just been diagnosed with epilepsy, I had lost my job, and my estranged wife refused to communicate with me when I turned to her for emotional support.  It was a tough time in my life.  Since then, I've gotten a much stronger grip on my life and my emotions.

But I still struggle with anxiety and depression on a regular basis.  I even picked up a new hobby as a way to combat these negative feelings (which has helped quite a bit).  Even so, I was unable to find the motivation to leave my apartment on Saturday and when I went to bed, I had a panic attack for a couple of hours.  This resulted in me sleeping through my alarm and missing church the next day.  I wasn't scheduled to teach, so at least I wasn't shirking any responsibility, beyond that of keeping my basic covenants.

Since I couldn't sleep anyway, I looked up how often people deal with these sorts of side effects and I found the answer: around 0.8% of users.  Less than one percent of people using levetiracetam feel anything other than fine.  And even if I'm one of the unlucky few that got more than he bargained for, other anti-convulsants have their own risks (many of which include possible liver damage).  One big problem is that I don't know if the meds are exacerbating a problem that already exists or if I'm just not handling my brain chemistry properly.

The first step is to follow up with my neurologist.  I have an appointment to see her again in July, but I'll send her an email later today (I'd have done it already, but I left her business card in my desk at work).  Maybe she has a go-to medication that can take the edge off the side effects.  Maybe she'll ask me to see a psychiatrist, which I may want to do anyway.  Maybe she'll ask for more test to be conducted.  All I know is that I've been dealing with these problems for a while now and I just want my life back.

I Cost Too Much

The other day at work, I was talking to my manager, Magda, about how I was having trouble with the copyediting work I was doing.  In the instance in question, I was having to argue my case for the edits I made to two separate managers who are not native English-speakers.  This wasn't simply a matter of using a dashes instead of parentheses, but of using the wrong word.

The document I was proofing was explaining how some new packaging would secure the product better during transit and kept referring to the bottom layer as the "lower wedge."  I can see why that word was picked since wedges are sometimes used to secure things (like a door stop), but there were no triangular shapes to be found anywhere in any of the diagrams or photographs of the packaging.  I finally quoted a dictionary and highlighted why the word didn't fit.  Finally, the product manager saw the light and we compromised with "pack bottom."

When I related the story to Magda, she pulled up an email that she thought was similar.  In it, one of the people from product information (the group that I met with back in October) was dealing with a similar back-and-forth over several emails and finally got fed up.  "I cost too much to be spending so much time on this project," he wrote.  Magda made it clear that his choice of words was too strong, but she agreed with the sentiment.  My time is valuable and if people are arguing with me over something, I need to let them know that they're wasting the company's money, albeit gently.

I must say, I really enjoy having a boss who clearly has my back, almost as much as I do knowing that I'm a valuable commodity for my company.

A Little Rock and Roll Music

Friday night after work, I went to Ian's place for another jam sesh.  The first time was a lot of fun, but this second time was even better.  I'd been practicing and had improved enough that Ian said that the change in my skill level was noticeable.  There were even a couple of times that I got to start what we played: one time I just started playing a note progression that laid the ground work for Ian and Jimmy (in addition to studying bass riffs and scales, I've also started learning about music theory, i.e., what kinds of notes sound good together) and another time I played the bass part to "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes.

The first thing you hear is the bass line.

In the case of the White Stripes song, I started and Joe, the drummer, came in right when he was supposed to.  I hadn't told anyone that it was going to happen, I just did it and suddenly, we were playing a song.

I even tried my hand at singing.  It's hard to play and sing at the same time, but I did my best with the old classic "Sixteen Tons."  It was more blues than rock, but I think I made it work and I even started improvising with an alternate melody at one point.

I look forward to jamming with these guys in the future.  Hopefully, I'll continue to improve and be able to bring even more to the table next time.

Joe, me, and Jimmy (Ian is behind the camera).

Tuesdays with Media: Emotional Words

I wrote another short story.  You can read it here.

Investigative Baking

On Thursday, my boss, Magda, dropped a hint to one of my coworkers that her birthday was coming up, but she didn't say when it would be exactly.  When I heard about it, I walked down to the HR department to see if they were allowed to tell me.  Since I've built a reputation for myself of being a skilled and generous baker, they knew exactly why I wanted to know, so they looked up the date.  As it happened, Magda's birthday was the very next day.  With the little warning we had, my department members and I each took an assignment, with me handling the cake.  I asked for suggestions on flavors and someone said that I should just make a cake that I liked.  I quickly jumped at the chance to make another Angel Food cake.

The next day, I came in and sat the cake (in a carrier) on my desk.  I didn't announce what it was, but I didn't hide it, either.  After everyone had had a chance to sign her birthday card, we presented it to Magda, who was visibly touched by the thoughtful act.  She asked that she be able to take us to lunch, to which we agreed.  When we had decided on a place, I called ahead and asked for permission to bring in the cake, which I was granted.

I'm guessing that Magda hadn't had Angel Food cake before because she kept commenting on how light and fluffy it was.  I encouraged her to take the leftover cake home to share with her family, but she instead decided to share it with the rest of the office, including the HR department.

While I bring baked goods to the office fairly regularly, this was the first time that I brought a birthday cake, though I doubt it will be the last.

Thematic Dreaming

I've been remembering my dreams lately and I've noticed a running theme: in many of them, I have a girlfriend.  Sometimes she's going with me on an adventure, sometimes she's sitting politely while I argue with someone else, sometimes she's talking to me and unknowingly preventing me from finding a restroom.  She never looks the same or has the same personality; sometimes she's not even present, I just know that I have a girlfriend somewhere.

I find it interesting that my subconscious is ready for my divorce to be finalized and for me to start dating.  I also think that its significant that I've only been dating and not married.  It's probably that my brain knows that dating comes next and is preparing me for it -- to put it another way, I've been looking forward to dating again and it's spilled into my dreams.

Thankfully, I shouldn't have to wait much longer.

Status Update

Yesterday, I had to go to the county clerk's office for another status update.  The last time I attended one, I had just found out that the first summons I issued hadn't been accepted.  This time, I had just submitted a request for default (i.e., a request that the court moves forward with the divorce proceedings despite Allison not responding to the original complaint and/or summons), so we should be moving forward now.

One nice thing I found out: when Allison's thirty days to respond to my request for default runs out, I don't have to request a hearing date.  Rather, the court will issue one automatically.  I'm still going to call and make sure that no action is required on my part once the time is up, but it's nice to know I shouldn't be required to.  At the rate we're going, everything should be finalized before my birthday.

And that would be the greatest birthday present I could ask for this year.

Tuesdays with Media: A Danfoss Valentine

One of the responsibility of Danfoss North America's marketing department, of which I am a member, is to increase brand awareness with our customers.  Part of that means improving product packaging and making our website more user-friendly and part of that means being more active on social media.  To help do this, every week, we meet to discuss what's planned for the week's Facebook updates and Tweets in order to fill in any gaps that may exist.  A few weeks ago, Valentine's Day was brought up and I suggested that I could take a picture of a product bent into the shape of a heart.  Magda, my boss, really liked the sound of that, so I put aside some time for the photoshoot.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a red background.  In an office where the main color is red, the closest I could find was a burgundy tablecloth (according to one of my coworkers in a different department, we have red tablecloths, but they keep disappearing).  Still I did the best I could and was able to get this out of it:

It took more work to get it in the right shape (I used a coffee mug to help make the curved top), but I'm pretty happy with the outcome.  And while the background's not the ideal color, it's still reddish, which isn't too bad.  Still, I thought I could do better, so I played around with the picture in Photoshop.

Not only did I manage to make the red more crimson, I also made the product (a thermostatic expansion valve, if you're curious) more silver-colored, making that more accurate as well.

It was fun to have something silly to do, but to my surprise, the tweet that used the final picture performed the best of all of our social media posts since we started tracking them in November.  Apparently HVACR technicians like cheesy pictures appearing in their twitter feed.

Valentine's Day is a weird day for those of us not in relationships, so I'm glad that I was able to celebrate the day in a non-romantic way.

Double-checking the Double-check

I made some cream puffs yesterday, but I couldn't figure out why the custard I made to use as the cream-filling was so runny.  I went back and looked at the recipe and discovered that I had misread it: instead of putting in one-and-a-half tablespoons of corn starch, which is what the recipe called for, I put in one-and-a-half teaspoons.  Corn starch is a common thickening agent and does its job well, but only when used in the proper quantities.

I'm embarrassed that I made such a rookie mistake, but hopefully my coworkers won't mind.

Almost Duped

I almost fell for a Nigerian Prince Scam.  For those unfamiliar, this sort of scam has a Nigerian prince  (or other foreign dignitary) contact a victim for help: due to political unrest, he cannot access his vast fortune; he offers to send a large check and all you have to do is wire back a small portion of it so that he can free his family.  The problem is that the check is fake, but due to a law in the US, it will initially clear.  After a couple of weeks, however, the bank will find out that the check is fake.  If the victim sent the money as asked, they now owe their bank that amount and, likely, overdraft charges.

I had heard about all of this years ago (Allison nearly went through with it once), but this one had a new twist: I was asked if I wanted to be a secret shopper for Wal-Mart.  I thought that sounded pretty good, so I provided my contact information and asked for more information.  A few days later I got an email from a different email address telling me (in broken English) that I had been approved for the secret shopper program.  It continued by saying that I would receive a check that I was to use for my secret shopping experience.  I thought something was fishy, but when no check arrived despite their promises, I figured that they had given up.

Then the check arrived on Wednesday.  The letter gave me instructions to cash the check and transfer some money to some dude in Texas (they hadn't even bothered to come up with a fake business name) from MoneyGram and review the store from where I wired the money.  I will give the scammer props for giving detailed instructions for the kinds of things to look out for (professionalism of staff, cleanliness of store, etc.), making it seem more legitimate.  The big tip-off that it was a scam (in addition to changing the store I'd be reviewing) was that my "salary" was to be deducted from the check.  If I'd gone through with it, I would have lost over two thousand dollars.

I took the check to work yesterday and sent it through the shredder and I've blocked the person from my email.  I let my interest in something that sounded cool blind me from seeing some blatant warning signs.  In the future, I'll need to be more careful.

Overly Cautious

Remember how we had a massive blizzard a few weeks ago?  Well, the National Weather Service issued a warning earlier this week for another storm, albeit a much smaller one (only four to eight inches of accumulation were expected).  After the disaster that we experienced last time, I planned ahead and worked from home yesterday.

When it was all over, there was barely any snow.  It was snowing when I got up in the morning, but not very hard and nothing was sticking.  I decided to play it safe and stay inside, but there apparently was never a risk of getting stuck.  I'm a little embarrassed about my decision, but I guess it's better to err on the side of caution.

Though I do feel a bit betrayed by the NWS...

Tuesdays with Media: The First Day

I wrote an educational children's story.  You can read it here.  If you have access to children, I'd appreciate if you read my story to them and share their reaction with me.

The Best Gift

On Saturday, I visited with the Larsens to celebrate Clara's seventh birthday (it wasn't her actual birthday, but it was when we could all get together).  Last year, my birthday present to Clara (and later, Henry) was to make her whatever birthday cake she wanted -- which was chocolate with mint frosting last year.  This year, I was ready to offer the same gift, but Clara requested one before I could ask.  I was touched: apparently she now associates custom baked goods with her Uncle Jordan.

Clara asked for a strawberry shortcake, but I suggested something that I thought would be a fun twist on that idea: a trifle.  As soon as she saw a picture of one she quickly agreed to the change.  I made the pound cake and custard the night before so that I would only need to assemble everything the day of.  After buying fresh bananas, strawberries, and blue berries, I washed the berries, hulled and sliced the strawberries, cubed the cake and layered everything in a trifle bowl (cake, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, custard, repeat).

When I arrived, everyone said how yummy the dessert looked.

(Ian and I shared this exchange:
Ian: Wow, that's impressive.
Me: 'Tis but a trifle.)

We did a few activities before digging in, though I added fresh whipped cream to the top of each serving.  I don't think it's unreasonable to estimate that if you were to buy a similar dish from a bakery, with everything made from scratch and the out-of-season fruit included, it would cost about 60-70 dollars.  Everyone agreed that it was lovely birthday treat.

I'm happy to be able to provide a gourmet dessert experience to my family and I'm glad that Clara wanted me to be a part of her birthday celebration.

Of Illnesses and Doctor Visits

I hate going to the doctor's.  It's time out of my day that could be spending doing something else, usually working.  When it's for big stuff, like after my first seizure, it's much less annoying, but if I have a cold or the flu, I will tough it out using over-the-counter medications and homeopathic treatments.  A big reason for my behavior is that I've gone to see doctors for past colds who've basically told me that I needed to just rest and get over it.

However, after another rotten day and a lousy night's sleep, I decided to go to a local urgent care facility.  I'd looked up my symptoms and how long I'd been sick and thought that my chances of it being taken seriously were pretty good.  Even so, I said a prayer before I left home and I felt that I was making the right decision.

It took a while for me to be seen, but once I saw the doctor and explained everything, he measured my vitals, felt under my throat, and decided I had an upper respiratory infection.  I got a prescription for antibiotics and a nasal spray.  It was pretty easy.

(What was also easy was my payment.  When the receptionist asked how I'd be paying and I gave the name of my insurance, she seemed to be delightfully surprised.  I know that being uninsured is technically illegal now, but her reaction makes me believe that plenty of people have decided that the fines are easier to handle than regular membership fees.)

In the end, I'm glad that I did my best to get better on my own, but I'm also happy that I was able to recognize -- and receive confirmation -- that I needed get additional help.

What a Waste

Last week, I felt under the weather so I decided to take the week off from the gym.  I had mixed up a protein shake with some berries, but since I hadn't worked out, I decided to save the shake and drink it the next time I worked out, so as to not waste the protein powder and fruit.

I went to the gym yesterday.  After I was done exercising, I shook up the shake and opened the bottle to a loud "pop" sound.  The bottle was pressurized, which meant that the fruit had fermented.  I considered not drinking it, but decided that it would be a waste of money if I just dumped it down the drain, so down the hatch it went.

You may already know where this is going.  I drank it and about an hour later, I endured the first of many trips to the bathroom that night.  I'll spare you the details, but rest assured that it was not pretty.

I tried to save money by not wasting one scoop of protein powder (which costs less than a dollar) and I ended up wasting it in a different way.  Lesson learned: when in doubt, throw it out!

Tuesdays with Media: Buckethead and That 1 Guy

Many musicians, even skilled and talented ones, often find it difficult to stand out from the crowd.  Some study hard and become the best at their instrument and in their style, while others go with a gimmick.  Today's post is about two men that fall in the latter category.

Buckethead, the stage name of Brian Carroll, is a fantastic guitarist, but boy is he weird to watch perform:

Your eyes do not deceive you: he's wearing an expressionless white mask and a KFC bucket on his head.  He's a great guitarist and a talented composer (and a prolific one with 255 studio albums to his name), but man is he weird.  All of his stuff I can find on YouTube is some form of rock, but he also has some great jazz albums, which is how I first heard of him.

Another weird performer is That 1 Guy, seen here playing his Magic Pipe:

Don't ask me how that thing makes those sounds, because I haven't a clue, but that song, "The Moon is Disgusting" is a tough earworm to lose.  Mike Silverman, the real name of That 1 Guy, has a more normal look (i.e., not like a serial killer) than Buckethead, but his instruments of choice are truly bizarre and mostly homemade.  The only way these two could get weirder is if they were to team up.

Here's what that looked like:

Appropriately, they call themselves the Frankenstein Brothers when they collaborate.

Two weirdos that rock harder than pretty much anyone else.  That may be the most rock 'n' roll thing ever.

Ensemble

On Friday night, I went to Ian's place to meet him and some of his friends to play some music.  Ian, Joe, and Jimmy had met once before, but lacked a bassist.  When I bought my instrument -- with no intent to join a band -- Ian was quick to invite me.

By Friday, I'd only been playing the bass for two weeks, so my skills were very limited.  Even so, I was able to keep the rhythm and pluck away at the root of the chords being played.  Joe, the drummer, told me that I really brought something that the group was missing.  At one point, Jimmy, the guitarist, started playing a song that I didn't know, but I was able to follow him by watching what chords he was playing.  Ian was on piano, so unless he told me ahead of time what he would be playing, I couldn't recognize just by looking.

We recorded the whole thing, but the audio is really poor quality -- not that it's static-y or anything; not everyone can be heard.  The guys said that they want to get a better sound rig so that we can record everyone properly.  Hopefully, we'll have a recording that's worth sharing next time.  That's right: we're planning on meeting again later this month.  Ideally, we'd like to meet every two weeks, but there are some conflicting work events coming up so we don't know when meet after that, but at least we have a plan in place for the near future.

I had a lot of fun.  I'm playing my instrument in the most simplistic way possible, but for now that's enough.  I'm still practicing everyday and I hope to be able to bring more to the table next time.