Surprising Trial

Wednesday began as any other day, with a pleasant breakfast and a hot shower.  Right when I was about to leave, however, my pant split.  Better to have it happen at home than at the office, I guess (also, this is the second pair of jeans from Old Navy to split on me after only a few months of use).  This incident was to be a foreshadow of the rest of my day.

The first half of work went by easily enough with the assignment I was working on keeping me busy.  At lunch, I decided that I would go to the MVA (the state's version of the DMV) to get a Maryland license.  Why go on my lunch?  The MVA offices keep insane hours, closing at 4pm every weekday and noon on Saturdays.  I looked online to see if I could make an appointment, but discovered that wasn't an option.  I didn't want to wait until Saturday because the MVA requires either a passport or a birth certificate and I only just got my birth certificate in and my license expires this coming Sunday.  I didn't want to push things too close, just in case I needed more time.  Another reason I went on my lunch was because there was a tracker online that said the wait was only 15 minutes.  I figured that was a good sign, so I went.

The nearest MVA office was twenty minutes away, which isn't too bad, but I was starting to get nervous when I arrived that I wouldn't have time to finish everything and get back to the office in time.  I quickly queued and got my number.  I found a seat near a monitor that tracked which number was last called and waited.  My number was getting close, but time was quickly running out.  I was finally called around the time that I should have been on my way back to the office.  I decided to stay since I was already at the window.  How long could it take?

In addition to needing my birth certificate, they also needed my Social Security Card, my California license, and two pieces of mail to prove residency: I had a bill and a pay stub, but they would only accept the former.  Luckily, the envelope that my birth certificate came in was in the car and that worked.  My picture was taken, my information was confirmed, and it looked like I was nearly done.  When the employee handed back my documents, she kept my California license.  I asked to have it back (I still have my first two licenses and wanted to keep the third), but she refused.  I asked why and she just said she couldn't give it back.  I asked to speak to a manager, who repeated the same thing.  I offered that they could deface the ID, even cut it half, but they wouldn't budge.  I was given my new Maryland license and directed to where I could register a formal complaint.  I decided to just go back to work.

As I drove, I got more and more angry.  Why was losing my old license such a big deal?  I thought it was a good picture of me, but that didn't explain why I was so upset.  I made it back to the office (twenty minutes late, though I wasn't in trouble or anything) and I sat at my desk, ready for a welcomed distraction, but I couldn't calm down enough to concentrate.  In fact, I got so mad that I started to shake a little.  I eventually broke down and cried a little bit, the pain was so great.  While I don't have my own office, my desk is in the server room where I'm otherwise alone, so I didn't have to worry about being embarrassed.  The rest of the day, I tried to be productive, but my efforts were futile.  The rest of my time at the office was basically shot.

Why had I gotten so upset over something so trivial?  I'm still not sure, but I've thought a lot about it and came up with this: stress.  I like my new job, but with a recent history of losing good jobs after a short time, I'm nervous about proving myself, both to the company and myself.  Going to any form of the DMV is stressful, especially if you do something stupid like go on a lunch break.  And then losing my license was a an unexpected blow, taking with it one of my strongest ties to my home state.  It all became more than I could bear.

While I was struggling through the second-half of my workday, I said a prayer, asking for relief (I remember thinking how "ugly" the emotions were that I was experiencing).  I felt inspired to get a Priesthood blessing.  I texted one of my Home Teachers to see if he would be available that evening.  He wasn't, but he called his companion (I only had the one number) who found a second brother to assist.  I wasn't able to get the blessing until that evening and by then I had calmed down considerably.  Still, I had felt prompted to get a blessing so I saw no point in turning it down now.  The blessing that I received was short, simply promising me that I would find peace.  With the word "Amen," all of the stress and anxiety of the day was gone.  I thanked the brothers and before long they were on their way.  After they left, Samuel asked me if I was now happy (there's that word again).  I laughed and replied that no, I was at peace.

This experience was strange and I am still surprised at the impact that such small things can have when one is stressed out: you're not upset at the trivial annoyance, it's just the thing that pushes you past your limit.  However, I am very grateful that I have a faithful Home Teacher and that I listened to the Spirit and received a blessing that brought a peace "which [sur]passeth all understanding."