Three Suitcases

I am not a materialistic person.  When something I own wears out and needs to be replaced, I only feel annoyed that I have to replace it, with no sense of loss.  I view my property as things that are useful and necessary, but I generally place no emotional significance in anything.

However, it was still hard to pack.  Part of that was because I was nervous, but it was also because having to basically pack your entire life into three suitcases is difficult.  It felt dehumanizing to have to go through and decide what things I would have to leave behind or give away simply because I had no room for it.  I felt a strange anxiety about it, as if I were defined by what I have and I have so little.

I still don't think of myself as materialistic, but at the same time I recognize that part of what defines us as individuals is what we own.  What kind of car you drive, what kind of phone you talk on, what kind of clothes you wear, or what kind of socks you buy all define you in some way; if not your tastes then your needs and price range.  If someone tells you to "own" an idea, they mean that you have to make it your own and have it be a part of you.  We don't think of our possessions as being a part of us, but they are, if only in a small way: they're evidence into what we do and who we are.

I'm sure as the days progress and I am able to find a job and start to have a routine it won't be as important what I've had to give up.  But without having things that I do, I don't feel as much of a complete person to begin with, so having to give up even a little of what I owned was difficult.