The Big Three-Oh

Tomorrow I turn thirty.  I will no longer be a young man, but I will not yet be an old man.  I'm really not sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, I already think of myself as being thirty.  For the last four or five years, I start thinking of myself as my approaching age around the beginning of the year, in order to lessen the impact.  After all, how we think of the aging process is an artificial construct that we create by how we mark our age.  What I mean by is that we only age one day at a time, but because we mark the anniversary of our birth as the time when the numerical representation of our age progresses forward, it feels as if we age an entire year instantly.  I'm really only one day older so I try to think of it like that.

On the other hand, this year is different.  Maybe it's because my age will enter a new decade, maybe it's because of the way my life is right now (while I am hopeful for the future, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still unemployed and separated), or maybe it's something else that I can't think of.

Whatever the reason, I am feeling a bit apprehensive about my upcoming birthday, which is unusual for me.  Birthdays are not a big deal for me.  I gave up on birthdays being "special" a long time ago.  Not because my loved ones did not treat me well on my birthdays, but as a child I had built up in my mind that birthdays had to be these grandiose celebrations that weren't feasible in reality.  No matter what was presented to me, I was going to be disappointed (I blame TV for making birthdays into a bigger deal than they really are because it was an easy source of conflict for writers to use).  So I made the decision to not get excited and for the past several years, I haven't really been (but in a good way: if you don't get excited anticipating something, you're much more likely to be excited experiencing it).

I do want to say that I know that my apprehension is not caused by who I'm staying with.  I know that the Larsens will do their best to treat me well (I'll post about what museum we visit next time).

I think that my feelings are mostly from staring at my own mortality a little closer (which I'm sure for my parents and grandma is laughable).  Like I said, I won't be a young man anymore, which I've been since I turned eighteen.  Maybe it's because a part of my identity is changing again and having gone through that so recently, I'm more sensitive to it.  Maybe it's a little of everything.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to Me!

So Many Museums, So Little Time

So, I have a birthday this Saturday.  According to Amanda, it's my "golden birthday."  I say that it's just another anniversary of the day I was born, but either way Ian and Amanda have asked what I want to do in celebration.  A suggestion was bad that we could go to DC and visit a museum.  The only question is: which one?

So, dear reader, I ask for your opinion on the matter.  Please leave a comment stating which museum you think that we should attend (hint: the second link takes you to a list of museums).  I'll try to make my decision in time to post it by Friday, but at the very least, I'll let you know by Monday.

To the comments!

Cue the Awkward

I may not be the most socially adept person in human existence.  I know that is shocking and difficult for many accept, which is why I have an example.  At church yesterday, one of the full-time missionaries came up to me and shook my hand and introduced himself (I can't remember his name because I'm terrible with names) after which the following exchange took place:

Elder: You're Ian's brother, right?

Me: That's right.

Elder: Okay.  You guys look alike.

Me: I'm surprised you say that because most people have trouble seeing the family resemblance.  Besides, I tend to look more like our sisters.

Elder: Oh, well that's good.

Me: [said with a big grin] You're saying it's good that I look like a girl?

Elder: What? No, I'm just saying it's better than looking like your brother.

Me: [again, with a smile] So, now you're saying that Ian's ugly?

Elder: [a little panicked] I'm not saying any of that, you are!

Me: [still smiling] I'm not saying a thing, you're just walking into it.

Too bad I didn't make sure the poor kid knew we were joking.  I honestly don't know if he knew I was just giving him a hard time or if he thought I was insulting.  Like I said, not the most socially adept person.

Rewarding

I haven't been sleeping well since I got to Maryland.  I got zero sleep the night before I left and on a good night I'll get about six hours.  This was lack of sleep is why I didn't make it to church on Sunday.  I bring this up because on multiple occasions I've had the prompting from the Spirit that I needed to go to church in order to introduce myself to someone who would get me a job.  Because of this, even in my extremely exhausted state, I nearly went.  However, I couldn't even speak I was so tired, so I decided to wait until the following week.

Well, since Ian and Amanda moved to the area not long ago, the Bishopric arranged to stop by for a few minutes to get to know them a bit better.  Since I'm new as well, I sat in the meeting.  Ian introduced me and briefly explained my current situation and one of the counselors said that he might be able to get me a job at his contracting firm.  This was echoed by the Bishop.  They asked me to bring some copies of my resume to church this Sunday.  While this is clearly not a job yet, I feel optimistic about the outcome.

Men tend to identify themselves by the work that they do (it's the first thing that comes up during introductions).  By not having a job for so long, and when I did have a job it wasn't in my field, I couldn't identify myself by what did for a living.  That's why I had started to partially identify myself by what I owned, because I had lost a part of myself by being either unemployed or underemployed.  Without a job, without any property, without my family, I was losing track of who I am.  Now that I have a couple of contacts that have asked for my resume, I think I have a good chance of being the most complete that I've been in some time.

Observations

I don't think it's a secret that when changes occur gradually over time, it can be difficult to notice them.  However, even when those changes have occurred gradually but we don't see the change, only the results, it can appear to much more abrupt and obvious.  Why bring this up?  Well, since my last post mentioned getting to know my little roommates, I figure I would also discuss getting reacquainted with one of my adult roommates, Ian.

First of all, the last time Ian and I spent any time together, it was at Eugene and Paige's wedding, so it's been a couple of years and even then it only lasted a few days.  Since it's been nearly a week since my flight came in, I've certainly exceeded that amount time already.  Plus, we've had more one-on-one time this time around than last since we were both busy with wedding stuff.  I'm only mentioning this to set up that it's been awhile for both of us.

The most surprising thing for me is to see Ian the father.  I'm not implying that I was expecting him to be a bad father or anything, just that I hadn't really thought about it.  Seeing him be incredibly patient and kind with his kids, while also administering discipline when necessary, is a pleasant surprise.  His children are, for the most part, well-behaved but that doesn't mean that good parenting is any less important.

One thing that I've noticed (and mentioned to him and Amanda) is the fact that Ian is constantly referencing other things in casual conversation.  What kinds of things?  All things.  Off the top of my head, I can recall him making reference to Simpsons episodes, the scriptures, movies, Shakespearean plays, internet memes, things I have said, and other various bits of pop culture.  I would say that probably around 20% of what he says is simply referencing something else, which is more than I can think of anyone else I have ever encountered.  He explained that the reason that he does this is out of boredom, saying that practically no one notices even most of the references so he feels free to insert them into his everyday language.  What does it say about me that I recognize the vast majority of his references?

Humor is very important in this household.  Ian and Amanda are constantly teasing each other and even Henry has made several jokes while I've been here (Clara loves laughing, but hasn't gotten to the point of being able to create jokes herself yet).  I tend to be a bit drier than is the standard here, but it nice that no one takes themselves too seriously.

However, the thing that I notice the most is that, even after all these years we've spent apart and grown in different directions, we still get along like, well, brothers.  He's definitely more cocksure than I am and he has a different communication style than I do (as partially mentioned above) and our tastes differ on some things, but I think we understand each other in a way that few others do or even can.  (Note: spouses always trump siblings.)

Uncle Jordan

So, now that the move has officially happened, I have a couple of new roommates.  Their names are Clara and Henry.  Let me tell you a little about them.

Clara is a very enthusiastic little 4-year-old girl.  While she does sometimes cry when things don't go her way, she mostly excited about absolutely everything.  For example, I was helping by keeping her and her brother occupied by having them play a simple puzzle game on my tablet, and every time a piece went in place she exclaimed "Yes!"  Every time.  She also loves pink and purple and when she picks out what to wear she has chosen a tutu more than once.  She knows all of the Disney Princesses by name and very fond eating animals (and her parents have taken the time to teach her the connection between the animals that she sees and the ones that she eats).  She also, like I once did, has trouble with pronouncing her "r" sound, though her dad thinks it's because of influence from her grandparents; I think it's just the normal development of a child learning to speak.

Henry just had his third birthday but he's already proving to be fairly independent.  He often refers to himself as a "grown-up" and it is not uncommon for him to push the limits of his parents' instructions (like fighting having to go lay down for a nap), but he also loves playing and will regularly ask to be chased.  He's definitely the vegetarian of the family and will often have trouble finishing his meat, but will nearly always finish his vegetables or rice.  He's also still learning to enunciate properly and I've had ask him to repeat himself multiple times; to his credit, though, he's mostly speaking in complete sentences.

Both kids are randomly competitive and will say they won a race that no one knew was happening (like finishing breakfast, getting strapped in the car first, etc.).  One thing that I enjoy is that both kids definitely enjoy having me around.  I remember that when I was a kid, I thought that my uncle Rick was the coolest guy ever.  Well, that seems to apply to me in their eyes.  I have held a lot of hands and received a lot of hugs and kisses and high-fives since moving in and there's no indication of that stopping.

Uncle Jordan with Nephew Henry and Niece Clara.

I think I'll enjoy it here.

Three Suitcases

I am not a materialistic person.  When something I own wears out and needs to be replaced, I only feel annoyed that I have to replace it, with no sense of loss.  I view my property as things that are useful and necessary, but I generally place no emotional significance in anything.

However, it was still hard to pack.  Part of that was because I was nervous, but it was also because having to basically pack your entire life into three suitcases is difficult.  It felt dehumanizing to have to go through and decide what things I would have to leave behind or give away simply because I had no room for it.  I felt a strange anxiety about it, as if I were defined by what I have and I have so little.

I still don't think of myself as materialistic, but at the same time I recognize that part of what defines us as individuals is what we own.  What kind of car you drive, what kind of phone you talk on, what kind of clothes you wear, or what kind of socks you buy all define you in some way; if not your tastes then your needs and price range.  If someone tells you to "own" an idea, they mean that you have to make it your own and have it be a part of you.  We don't think of our possessions as being a part of us, but they are, if only in a small way: they're evidence into what we do and who we are.

I'm sure as the days progress and I am able to find a job and start to have a routine it won't be as important what I've had to give up.  But without having things that I do, I don't feel as much of a complete person to begin with, so having to give up even a little of what I owned was difficult.

Into the Unknown

I've been thinking a lot about my move lately.  It's such an extreme change and more than a bit scary, but I know that things will work out for best because of the personal revelation I've received on the matter.  Anyway, a scripture keeps coming to mind when I think about this move: 1 Nephi 4:6 "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."  That certainly fits me right now since I've been told to move and that further instruction would follow.  But, thanks to the wonder that is cross-referencing, there's actually a scripture that fits a bit better and goes a bit more in depth.  Doctrine & Covenants 11 (If you only want the bare-bones of the scripture, skip to highlighted portion):

6 Now, as you have asked, behold, I say unto you, keep my commandments, and seek to bring forth and establish the cause of Zion.

7 Seek not for riches but for wisdom; and, behold, the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you, and then shall you be made rich. Behold, he that hath eternal life is rich.

8 Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and, if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation.

9 Say nothing but repentance unto this generation. Keep my commandments, and assist to bring forth my work, according to my commandments, and you shall be blessed.

10 Behold, thou hast a gift, or thou shalt have a gift if thou wilt desire of me in faith, with an honest heart, believing in the power of Jesus Christ, or in my power which speaketh unto thee;

11 For, behold, it is I that speak; behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness, and by my power I give these words unto thee.

12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;

14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

The scriptures can help be a lens to show us things we already know.  None of the scriptures I've quoted here revealed any new information to me, but it did bring comfort to me.  I am still nervous about the future, maybe even a little bit scared, but I know that the Lord has given me an instruction for my benefit and, even though it's frightening, I will gladly obey.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a new journey to begin.

The 5 Things I Will Miss About So Cal

As promised in my last post, I will now review the wonderful things about Southern California that I am sad to leave behind.

5. The music the radio plays.
As I'm sure many of my readers remember, a couple years ago I wrote about several different songs and how they affected me and my musical identity.  Well, I didn't realize until I moved back to the area that my musical taste was shaped by the music stations here.  Alternative, hard rock, classic rock, oldies, butt rock, etc.  These are the stations that I grew up listening to.  I know for a fact that I got into Metallica because one station played a set of their songs every week night (calling it "Mandatory Metallica").  I may discover new music in Maryland that I like even better, but it'll take some adjusting.

4. I (mostly) know where (nearly) everything is (kinda).
Obviously I won't be familiar with an area that I've never been to before, but I don't have the best sense of direction (as I'm sure my wife will attest).  It takes me driving the same route several times before I'm familiar enough with it that I don't need directions anymore, but even then I can't deviate from that route for several more trips.  Even with living in this area for most of my life, I can still get turned around and lost (again, I'm sure Allison will attest to that).  Ian and I used to joke that all roads eventually led to San Marcos because we got lost there a number of times.  Hopefully I'll get the bus and train routes down fairly quickly.

3. The cool waters of the Pacific.
I have never been to any coast other than the Pacific (because there is no North Coast).  I know that a lot of people who visit the beach for the first time here complain about the cold water.  The ocean currents cause the west coast to be cool and the east coast to be warm.  I may not make it out to the beach while in Maryland, but I'm not sure what to expect if I do.

2. The Weather.
I can miss the weather because I realize that there is more here than simply mild winters and summers.  Plus, if I could get away with it, I'd wear shorts and flip-flops every single day.  I highly doubt I'll be able to do that from now on.

1. Allison
As mentioned, I will be moving alone.  Based on the answer to my prayers, I am confident that I need to go without my beloved wife, but that doesn't mean that it won't be terribly hard to leave her behind.  Things are complicated and difficult, but I am hopeful for the future.

I dare you to find a more gorgeous smile (hint: you'll fail).

Well, the next time I add a post, I'll be on my way.  Wish me luck!

The 5 Things I Will Not Miss About So Cal

Seeing as how I'm moving to a brand new land, I thought that I would spend some time and reminisce about the brand old land that I'm leaving.  And since I've clearly been affected by all of the articles I've read at Cracked over the years, I'll be reminiscing by making lists.  I'll start with the negative things that I'm happy I will no longer have to deal with anymore.

5. People forgetting how to drive when it rains.
I understand that in an average year, San Diego County gets about 10 inches in rain, which is practically nothing.  What I don't understand is why it seems that no one can remember to simply drive slower during the rain.  It's not like I learned how to drive in harsh conditions so I can't relate; I learned how to drive on these very streets.  I look forward to living in a place with four times the annual rainfall because people will have more practice in safe driving while it's raining.

4. Living in the past.
What I mean by this is that living on the West Coast (and in the Pacific Time Zone), all other parts of the country are ahead of us.  So, if I want to call a friend or family member living in another timezone, I have to plan ahead or else they'll be in bed.  Now, everyone will have to plan ahead in order to talk to me (as it should be).

3. The risk of running into someone that I used to know (and the subsequent awkwardness).
Because I was ridiculously skinny in high school and didn't get contacts until I graduated, it's easy for people to not recognize me.  Add to that any facial hair I may or may not have at any given point and you'd think that I would look nothing like my former self, but apparently I'm just that memorable.  It hasn't happened a lot, but it's almost happened several times and I don't like it.  If I wanted to experience awkward encounters, I'd work in a comic book shop again.

2. Tourists coming just for the weather.
This one is annoying only because it makes it seem like there's nothing else worthwhile about the area.  Sure, they'll go to the beach and Sea World and the zoo and Disneyland, but really they're here because the weather is freaking awesome.  Dorks.

1. The lack of writing jobs.
I may still encounter this in the land that is merry, but considering that I'm straight up moving there, I think it's clear that I'm willing to bet that it will be different.

I don't want to make anyone think that I hate it here or anything, just that there are quirks and nuances about the area that can be annoying.  Join me here next time when we'll go over the things that I will miss about So Cal.

Life is Changing

This blog exists so that loved ones can be kept in the loop of what life is like for me.  Since life will be drastically changing soon, I figured that I should start updating again.

For those of you who don't know, I will be moving to Maryland to stay with Ian and his lovely family.  I will be going alone, not taking Allison with me.  This is a big thing for us and honestly, we don't know what it means for our marriage (such as it is), but this is what we both feel is what needs to happen.

I do not have a job lined up for me in the Maryland of Opportunity [actual state slogan], but I am confident that I'll find something in my field, but I have a feeling that I'll need to be patient (i.e.: it'll take a while).

This is a rather scary venture for us (I'm moving, Allison's not), so any prayers that anyone wants to make on our behalf would be appreciated.