Farce

Eloise had forgotten her parasol when she walked to the store one afternoon to purchase a new hatbox.  Because of this, poor Eloise was exposed to dangerous ultraviolet radiation and her skin was tanned.  Poor Eloise!  What a dreadful thing to happen to such a fair girl and with so many young men that she passed on her way.  You would think that at least one of them would offer to shade her beneath his newspaper, but you would be mistaken.  When Eloise got back home (with her lovely new hatbox), one would almost think that she had grown up on a farm.  Heaven forbid that any man should see her in such a state: he might think her lowly and common.  Most assuredly she would have to seclude herself from the public until her skin had a chance to heal and return to its normal shade.

Thaddeus slipped his white gloves on as he was leaving the bank where he worked and entered the waiting carriage.  He was a well-educated banking accountant and worked hard for Price & Sons Bank.  Well, he certainly did not work hard, but he was industrious.  Perhaps overly so, because he now had an embarrassing blemish that he was nervously concealing: a blister on his right thumb from gripping his ink-pen for too long.  A paper cut was easy enough to explain, but a blister?  If anyone were to see such a pustule on him they might think that he was nothing but a common laborer.  He might as well stop doing anything civilized like waxing his mustache or taking his weekly bath.

Eloise looked out of the window from her bedroom where she had exiled herself.  She could see that the carriage her father had sent out was returning.  Who had he sent for this time?  Likely some business associate that he wanted to impress by showing him around the grounds of the family estate.  It was just as well that she was not leaving her room because she hated to have to introduce herself and pretend that she knew who the businessman was.  But who is this?  This does not look like any of her father’s normal associates.  This was a younger man, whose lean frame was proof that he had never done any physical labor in his life, and his mustache was so thick and majestic that one would be forgiven to confuse it for pair of stray cats that had attached themselves to his face.  Well, perhaps a brief visit from her room was in order today.

Thaddeus was uncomfortable with home visits like the one he was in the middle of, but Mister Cheddar was an important investor with Price & Sons Bank and Thaddeus’ father liked to keep a close eye on men with their proverbial fingers in his proverbial pie.  As Thaddeus was feigning interest in the tour he was receiving, his attention was caught by someone exiting the house and walking towards them.  Not just someone, but a lovely young woman with soft features and practically no chin at all.  Thaddeus seemed to recall that Mister Cheddar had a daughter that was healing from an unfortunate run-in with the harsh light of day.  This radiant creature must be her, with her long blonde hair that was tightly wrapped in a bun and a plump lower frame that was clearly used to sitting comfortably.  Oh, he is to introduce himself?  Of course!

Eloise was by his side when Thaddeus awoke in the hospital bed.  When had he been brought here?  What had befallen him?  A doctor was fetched who explained that Thaddeus’ heart was far too weak from a lack of physical exercise and that he had had a minor moment of arrest, the cause of which the doctor did not know.  He further explained that Thaddeus should be sure to strengthen his heart by joining a cricket club or coming to the hospital for regular electrical shocks that would increase his vigor significantly.  His diagnosis rendered, the doctor removed himself to another patient’s bed, leaving the two young people alone.

How truly amazing!  This lovely young man with the slight frame and voluminous mustache had a weak heart and simply looking upon Eloise, even in her ruddied state, sent him reeling—to the point of needing attention from a medical practitioner.  Clearly, she had found herself a desirable gentleman.  If only she could say what she thought of Thaddeus, but it was common knowledge that nothing was as unbecoming as a woman speaking her mind.  Even to subtly intimate that she had opinions would be too much.  The best that Eloise could hope for was that Thaddeus would show a fancy to her.

What a shame.  She would be such a lovely young woman, if not for her dark skin.  Thaddeus was no fool; he knew that just as he was expected to keep himself emaciated and well employed, young women were to keep themselves ample-bosomed and pale.  Eloise had maintained the first criterion without issue, but when looking upon her visage he had to remind himself that she was not from the Indian subcontinent.  Even so, had knew that she had spent too much time in the sunlight unprotected, so perhaps she would recover to a paleness that was not so much milky as translucent.  And how could he be one to judge so harshly when he himself was hiding an abscess on his dominant thumb?  Thaddeus decided that once he had had a chance to be invigorated with a few electrocutions that he would call upon Eloise to see if her skin’s tone had not been recovered.

Ah, young love ...