Day of Unremembrance

Saturday was the sixth anniversary of the day that Allison and I married.  I have some mixed feelings about that.

On the one hand, it's a reminder that, despite all of the effort we both put in, our marriage failed.  On the other hand, if I forgot the date of one of the major events in my life thus far, I guess that means I'm moving on.

I suppose then that it's appropriate that I recently refiled for divorce.  I made some mistakes about how I handled the first filing (including taking too long to respond), but I think I've worked out the kinks this time.  The good people of Howard County, Maryland (the county I was living in when I filed) were even nice enough that they didn't charge me a new fee for refiling, which certainly helped.

Divorce is weird, so hopefully this chapter of my life will soon be finished and I'll be able to start the next one.  [Spoilers: I hear the next chapter has romance!]

*"unremembrance" is a recognized, English word, just an infrequently used one

Two Years

On this day in the year 2013, I moved to Maryland.  A lot has happened in the 730 days since I first became a Marylander.  For those of you who are just joining us:

• I've been employed by six different companies, two of which were temp agencies.
• Despite all of the companies I've worked for, I've gone through two long bouts of unemployment.
• I've made some very good friends in my ward.
• I've been to the ER thrice.
• I've had a seizure.
• I've had multiple beards and grew my hair down to my chin.
• I've acquired a roommate.
• I've really developed my skills as both a baker and a chef.
• I've improved my credit enough to finance my own car for the first time.
• I've been a Gospel Doctrine teacher for over a year.
• I've received many significant personal revelations.
• I've decided, along with Allison, to move forward with getting divorce.

That's a lot of things.  Some of them are really, really good and some of them are very unfortunate.  Regardless of where they fall on the spectrum of positivity, all of these things have shaped me into the man I am today.  And while it can be debated what kind of man that is, one thing I can say with certainty: I am a better man today than when I first moved to Maryland.

Maryland's motto could be, "A place where men become better."

Elephant in the Room

Today, July 11, 2014, Allison and I have been married for five years.  We've been separated for roughly half that time.

It's awkward talking to people since the fact that I'm married and separated eventually comes up.  I don't hide either that I'm married or that said marriage is estranged, but I rarely delve into anymore detail than that.  It's difficult for me, playing things so close to the vest: I'm usually a pretty open guy, but somethings aren't appropriate to share with the public, so I usually end up saying something stupid and vague like "it's complicated," which offers no real information.

Every couple goes through tough times, but being separated for nearly half your marriage is downright torturous.  I recently shared more details with a friend and he stared at me, nearly slack-jawed, and said, "I don't know how you manage.  If I had to go through that, I'd be a wreck."  It was a nice sentiment: I'm so accustomed to my situation, I sometimes forget what I'm really dealing with.

I don't write a lot about our separation, nor do I often talk about it.  I know that my friends and family worry about me and probably want more updates on our situation than I give but sometimes staying silent is best for all us.  I respect and appreciate the fact that everyone pretty much let's me be the one who decides when I share things and how much I say on the matter.  Believe me, I'm more frustrated about than anyone, which is why I often need to focus on other matters in which I am in more control.

Today's a weird day, but, if I'm being honest, all days are at least a little weird.