Research paper

Earlier this week, I finished my fifth class for my master's degree. While I received an A in the class, my final assignment was left out. Apparently, my professor got confused on when final grades were due and didn't have time to grade the final (which was originally worth 20% of the grade), so she dropped it from her scoring rubric.

Cool.

Well, since I took the time to write a 2200+ word research paper and now it has no audience, I've decided to share it here. Don't feel obligated to read it, but if you, I'd love to know what you think.

Hate Speech vs. Censorship: The Power of Language on Social Media and the Dangers of Both Hate Speech and Censorship

Free speech is often held as the most vital liberty protected by the Bill of Rights. Yet, is it possible to maintain the freedom of speech while still limiting it? Specifically, how can free speech be protected while still preventing hate speech, especially on social media? The crux of this dilemma is that taking action to curb hate speech is a form of censorship, which inherently hinders free speech. However, with the rise of social media platforms being used as a new outlet for individuals and groups to use hateful language—and new hate groups forming and made possible via social media platforms—there is growing concern about the dangers of allowing hate speech to exist unrestrained. Ultimately, the question becomes: is controlling hate speech on social media worth the price of censorship? This paper will explore this issue by defining hate speech, providing a brief history of hate speech in the US, establishing the existence of hate speech online and on social media, defining free speech as it exists in the US, supplying evidence of the power of hate speech, and establishing the view of censorship by the US Supreme Court. The goal of this paper is to weigh the dangers of hate speech against the dangers of censorship, offer an opinion about which is more perilous, and provide potential options of how to best address these concerns.

Identifying the Issue

There is no official, legal term for what constitutes hate speech in the US; however, according to the UN, "the term hate speech is understood as any kind of communication in speech, writing or behaviour [sic], that attacks or uses pejorative or discriminatory language with reference to a person or a group on the basis of who they are, in other words, based on their religion, ethnicity, nationality, race, colour [sic], descent, gender or other identity factor." To put it another way, hate speech is biased and insidious language used to attack a person or groups of person based on one or more thing that make up that person’s identity. In this way, hate speech is different from disagreeing with a person's opinion, viewpoint, or ideology. Hate speech is used not to attack philosophies, but people themselves.

History of hate speech in the US

No history of hate speech in the US would be complete nor honest without first discussing the nation’s history of race-based slavery. The American colonies and later the fledgling US were established with race-based slavery. While slavery and indentured servitude had been used around the world for centuries, the version of slavery in America was different in that it was lifelong and based on parentage. Even in the early colonies, children born to slaves were free. With the modification to make only one racial group enslaved, many whites in the South, whether slaveowners or not, viewed black persons merely as property and not as people. Language evolved to convey this derogatory view "and no word conveyed the depth of this internalized oppression more than [the N word]." While hateful, derogatory labels have existed well before the New World was discovered by Europeans and have been used to describe other groups beyond those of African heritage, the fact is that US slavery being race-based made a huge impact on how a specific racial group was seen and treated.

After slavery ended, hate groups, the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) in particular, were established not only to speak against (and harass and physically attack) the freedoms newly freed blacks enjoyed, but also against black persons themselves. Additionally, the KKK was vocally and physically violent against Catholic and Jewish persons, as well as other groups. The KKK is simply one example of a hate group that arose to attack—verbal, physically, or both—individuals based on one or more "identity factor."

This paper is not suggesting that only black persons have been persecuted based on identity factors in the US. Sadly, there are many groups that have had hate speech hurled and acts of violence committed against them—Jews, Mormons, Latinx, Japanese Americans, Native Americans, Irish, LGBT, and so on—more than can be mentioned here. The example of black persecution laid out above is meant merely to be a single instance of a group well-known to encounter hate speech and other hateful acts.

Hate speech online and on social media

In the second chapter of her book Hate Crimes in Cyberspace, Danielle Keats Citron explores what it is about the Internet that seems to promote hate speech. "Some of the Internet's key features—anonymity, mobilization of groups, and group polarization—make it more likely that people will act destructively." Citron offered two examples of hate speech directed towards Sports Illustrated writer Jeff Pearlman. In both cases, Pearlman tracked down his attackers and confronted them about their vitriolic comments. Each individual was shocked by the confrontation and admitted their embarrassment, suggesting that "the internet got the best of [them]."

Since the introduction of social media platforms, groups have been able to form based on shared interests or identity factors. While this has been wonderful for niche and marginalized groups, it has also proven to be a fertile breeding ground for hate groups. Prior to his attack of a Pittsburgh synagogue and killing eleven, accused attacker Robert Bowers used the defunct social media platform Gab to share his anti-Semitic views. Prior to Gab’s infrastructure collapsing, the platform had been a favorite meeting place of white supremacists. Had Gab not enabled these hate groups to gather, could the Pittsburgh shooting have been avoided?

Definition of free speech

The first amendment of the US Constitution states that "Congress shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press…". This amendment serves as the basis for free speech laws throughout the country, though it should be noted that private (or even publicly traded) companies are not prevented from enacting their own limits of speech. Also, the First Amendment does not provide any protection towards citizens who exercise their freedom of speech and suffer consequences from doing so, e.g., getting fired for making insensitive remarks. For the past seven decades, when the US Supreme Court is asked to rule on a case where the freedom of speech is a factor, the judicial body has shown that it is very likely to come down in favor of the First Amendment. This is significant as it illustrates the high level of importance assigned to free speech by the US federal government.

Three components that make this an ethical problem

Polarization

One reason hate speech is so alarming is because it is such a powerful tool. Hate groups are able to provoke violent actions in their members—nearly all recent mass shootings have been motivated by hatred. This type of radicalization makes hate groups dangerous, and not just towards the objects of their hate. "'It wasn't any one group—I hated everyone,' [former white supremacist Frank] Meeink remembers."

Dehumanization of victims

Referring to the men’s rights movement Reddit group r/Redpill, writer J. F. Sargent breaks down how they view the object of their hatred: women. "Women are commodities to be acquired and subjugated. They are conquests—things that determine your worth as a human." Viewing objects of hate as subhuman is common for hate groups.

Censorship

Despite his many, many flaws, President Trump signed an executive order to prevent online censorship, which should be commended. However, less than two months later, Trump issued another executive order effectively banning the social media platform TikTok, a move many see as a form of censorship. As stated previously, the US Supreme Court holds free speech in high regard. The US was founded by a group who felt their voices were not being heard ("no taxation without representation"), so silencing any individual's or group's voice should be taken very seriously.

Management of the Issue

Clearly there is a problem with hate speech on social media, but how can it be addressed? Following are some recommendations.

Let platforms govern themselves

Platforms have already started policing hate speech, though some better than others. Famously, Facebook announced last year that it had created a managing board to judge whether flagged content could remain up or would need to be taken down. The system is not perfect, but the company is taking steps to control hate speech, as well as misinformation. Other platforms have also put in place their own guidelines, with Reddit's as a standout for how much freedom is allowed. However, this approach leaves the decision of what to allow and how to act in the hands of the platforms. What if the restrictions are too tight, not allowing users to share information freely? Conversely, what if the restrictions are too loose, permitting violent breeding grounds as was seen with Gab?

Follow Europe's lead

In 2008, the European Union passed legislation which stated "that hate speech would be sanctioned and punitive measures could be taken against individuals or groups engaged in hate speech." Laws like this create incentive to not engage in hateful speech. However, it also makes speaking one’s mind a potentially criminal offense. Add to that the fact that a similar law in the US would likely require a constitutional amendment, what is the likelihood of a law of this nature being passed in the increasingly polarized and tribalist congress?

Expand Defamation Laws

If we cannot trust social media platforms to police themselves and we cannot expect a criminal law to be created, perhaps the best route is to apply defamation law. Defamation is "a false statement presented as a fact that causes injury or damage to the character of the person it is about." By allowing defamation to encompass hate speech—including hate speech online and on social media—those who are the subject of hate speech would have a legal path through which to seek damages from their attacker, while those who wish to continue to engage in hate speech are free to do so without fear of being prosecuted by the state. The burden of proof would rest on the plaintiff, which would require a standard definition of hate speech. Additionally, social media platforms would no longer be held responsible for what their users say—similar to how email services are not sued for allowing an unsavory letter to be delivered.

Foreseeing Oversights

Even though the proposed expansion of defamation law seems like the best fit considering US laws, such a law’s introduction will likely bring with it new challenges.

Different Laws in Each State

Since defamation laws differ from state to state, each state would need to pass their own version. That does mean that some states will likely have stricter laws than others, which can make it challenging when both parties live in different states.

Legal loopholes

When drafting the new laws, legislators—whether through overzealousness, malicious negligence, or merely unseen omissions—may use wording that is either too ambiguous or too narrow-sighted. If this happens, it may allow for some crafty attorney in the future to have the suit dismissed, despite their client actually being responsible.

Frivolous Suits

The US has been accused of being a "sue happy" nation, so what is stopping an annoyed and/or money hungry individual from accusing an innocent person of defamation and bringing suit against them?

Responses and Application

Different Laws in Each State: Use Divorce Law as the Guide

One solution could be for the expanded defamation laws to work similar to divorce laws, i.e., the plaintiff decides in which state they want to file their suit, the state in which they live or the state in which the defendant lives. Another issue is when different states adopt different definitions of hate speech, but that can be addressed by using the definition in the state wherein the plaintiff files suit.

Legal Loopholes: Close Them over Time

Legal loopholes are almost certainly going to arise and the way to address them will be the same way legal loopholes are addressed now: to close the loopholes as they are discovered. Legislators will need to be careful with their wording as they draft the new laws and they, and concerned citizens, will need to watch closely for when unclear wording is abused. When this happens, it is time campaign for changes to the law.

Frivolous Suits: Innocent until Proven Guilty

Since the burden of proof is on the plaintiff, the defendant is innocent until proven otherwise. There are people who use current laws to bring forth frivolous defamation suits, but these are mostly thrown out. The difference with the current law and this proposed law is that, with regard to hate speech, no proof of suffering will be required, simply proof that the defendant engaged in hate speech directed at the plaintiff or a group with which the plaintiff identifies.

As this paper has explicitly detailed, hate speech is a powerful weapon that in some cases has resulted in the loss of human lives. With social media, that hatred is shared much faster and farther than ever before. Clearly something must be done, while still protecting free speech. By expanding defamation law, the ability to combat hate speech is given directly to those who are its target, giving power to those who were before merely victims.

Major History

As I mentioned previously, Major came to us from Rachel, though not directly. Rachel adopted Major several years ago, but when Rachel became pregnant with her first daughter, Coraline, Major did not handle Rachel's hormonal changes well and began relieving herself in the house in protest. Major was temporarily re-homed until after Coraline was born, but was able to join them again. However, when Rachel became pregnant the second time, this time with Gemma, Rachel and and her husband Chris decided that it was time to find Major a new permanent home. Major was sent to live with Chris' mom and step-mom in Florida, where she stayed for a couple of years.

Late last year, Major was picked up by animal control, apparently after she was found wandering the streets of Baltimore. Thankfully, Rachel had Major microchipped, so she was called to retrieve the lost dog. We never got a clear answer for how Major ended up on the streets of Baltimore.

When Major was rehomed the first time, Leah and I considered taking her in, but Chris' moms volunteered before we could throw our hat into the ring. This time, Leah wasn't willing to let anyone else take her (knowing how much she loves dogs, and Major in particular, I knew better than to try to argue). Once the holidays were over, we were ready for her.

You might be wondering about the fact that we're trying to get pregnant. Will Major be rehomed again when Leah's hormones change? I asked Leah the very same thing, but she told me that if Major reacts poorly again, we'll just have to clean up after her. Hopefully it won't come to that, but that's the level of dedication Leah has for her dogs.

Either way, I'm glad that Major has a permanent home with us.

New Dog

Despite Pinto being a big part of our lives, and the fact that we have two cats, we have added a fourth member to our fuzzy family. Major, a twelve-year-old beagle mix, came to us from Leah's best friend Rachel. I'll detail the reasons for Major needing to be re-homed later, but for now, I'll simply introduce her.

Major is white with surprisingly soft fur. She has hypothyroidism, which has led to her being overweight—Leah started her on medication and has been portioning her food. Major likes to sleep a lot, mostly in various dog beds throughout the house (one of which is technically a cat bed), though she just learned that she's welcomed on the couch. While she's not nearly as rambunctious or aggressively affectionate as Pinto, she can often be seen wagging her tail and carrying around a toy Leah gave her as a welcoming present.

Speaking of Pinto, he's had a little trouble adjusting. Pinto's best friend is Ash, the 80 pound lab staying with Leah's folks, and the two of them love wrestling for hours on end whenever they're around each other. When Pinto and Major met, he was really excited to meet a new dog, but when Major didn't wrestle with him, he seemed to get confused. "Why do we have a dog who won't play with me?" he seemed to ask. He's also having trouble learning how to share. Major came from a home with other dogs, but Pinto only lived with Ash for about a month: anytime we give Major a treat, even if we give Pinto one at the same time, he looks jealous. When we pet Major, he looks jealous. When we won't let Pinto push Major to the side and steal her food, he looks jealous. Basically, anytime Pinto’s not the center of attention, he's had trouble handling it. I'm hoping that he'll adjust.

Major, on the other hand, has adapted pretty quickly. She knows to come upstairs when it's bedtime (though she doesn't join us in the bed like Pinto does; I'm not sure if that will change). When it's time to divvy out treats after going outside, she knows she has to sit before receiving her reward. She knows to give the cats their distance (I'm not sure if she's been around cats before). She knows that Leah likes doggy kisses and, while not as liberal with them as Pinto, it's not hard to get her to lick a waiting face. She also has taken a liking to me, which I enjoy.

With Major being so old, we don't know how long she'll be a part of our family, but we're happy to have her as long as we can.

(Unexpected) Date Night

Last night, Leah and I went on an unexpected date.

I'd been wanting to go see Aquaman in theaters since it came out (especially once I started hearing good things about it online) and due to a combination of hectic schedules and fatigue, last night was our first opportunity to go. We looked at different local theaters and decided to go one only a few miles from home, which just so happened to be within walking distance from Leah’s favorite restaurant. So, quite unexpectedly, a wife supporting her geeky husband’s interests suddenly became a full-blown date!

After the movie, Leah pointed out how nice it was to go on an actual date and I have to agree. We'll have to make a habit out it.

Back to School

Near the end of last year, I was thinking about the future, including my current job, where Leah and I live, and our desire for children. As I was contemplating where I want us to be as a family, I realized that my current job at my current salary would not be enough to meet our goals. Rather than look for a job at a new company, I felt prompted to look into graduate school. After talking with Leah about my plan -- of which she's very supportive -- I started making plans.

First, I spoke with my boss, Magda, about my decision to attend school. She was instantly very supportive and provided some important guidance: I told her that I planned to get an MBA since that's the degree that most managers have, and she recommend that I pursue something more relevant to my career. As she explained, if someone is qualified to be a manager, not having an MBA won't hold them back.

Second, I looked at what nearby universities had to offer in the field of communications. I decided that I wanted to choose a program that was entirely online so that my studies would be more flexible around my schedule, but I still wanted to have the option to walk when I graduated -- I never walked at OSU when I finished my Bachelor’s degree, but with something as significant as a master’s degree, I wanted to still have the option. Plus, I remember when my dad walked when he finished his master’s and I like the idea of doing the same for my future children.

After researching different schools and the degrees they offer, I decided to attend Loyola University Maryland (located in downtown Baltimore) and pursue an MA in Emerging Media. While the program description is somewhat vague, the basic gist is that the degree delves into different forms of so-called "new media" like social media with a strong emphasis in writing. With my career as a technical writer, the writing emphasis is a good fit, and since I'm working in marketing, a better understanding of new forms of media will be very beneficial.

After deciding on the degree program the weekend before Thanksgiving, I had to scramble to complete the necessary requirements for the application by the December 1 deadline. I wrote the essay (with help from academic advisor, my dad, and my coworker Chelsea), collected two letters of recommendation (from the head of PR at Danfoss and a professor I had at OSU who, after my father, is probably the biggest influence on my writing), and filled out multiple forms. A week later, I received an email notifying me that I was accepted into the program.

Class starts a week from today and I'm excited, but also nervous. I haven't attended school while working fulltime before, plus Leah and I are hoping to get pregnant soon, so with my already hectic life, I'm taking on even more. Even so, I'm confident that this is the right choice for me, for Leah, and for the rest of our family when they join us. Wish me luck!

Tuesdays with Media: One Dark Night

Head on over to my other blog to read my latest story.

Honeymooners

About a week after the wedding, Leah and I went on our honeymoon: a cruise to the Bahamas.

During our extended engagement, Leah went to a few different bridal shows and entered a few sweepstakes. A few days after one of the shows, she got a phone call or an email inviting us to attend a sales pitch and if we attended, we'd get a free Amazon Kindle Fire tablet. I've had a Kindle Fire for several years and Leah getting one sounded pretty good, so we went.

The sales pitch was for discounted luxury vacation packages, and while they did sound nice, even with the heavy discounts, they were all outside of our price range. We played nice and sat through the main sales pitch and then multiple individual pitches, but we just couldn't afford it. The individual saleswoman did not even try to hide her annoyance when we turned down her last pitch.

With no more options available with which to entice us, they sent us to an office near the exit to sign some forms affirming that we got the promised tablet. The man who talked us through the final paperwork had a final package that he offered us: a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada or Fort Lauderdale, Florida. However, looking at the fine print, we discovered that another option was to go on a Caribbean cruise, with airfare to Florida included. The only catch was that we would have to be flexible about when we cruised. We agreed and paid the down payment.

Over the next several months, the cruise was something that we'd remember from time to time, but it was mostly in the background. Eventually, we had to pick potential dates spaced apart when we could go and the travel agency would assign us what worked best for them. Fortunately, the date they picked was the date we wanted.

I feel the need to point out that when we booked the cruise, we still didn't have a wedding date. You can call it faith, though we did have a back-up plan in case we weren't: the cabin we would get had two twin beds that could be pushed together as one and we would just keep them separated. In hindsight, it wasn't the best plan.

When the day of the start of our honeymoon came, we flew to Fort Lauderdale, even though our cruise left from the port of Miami—that's just how the travel agency booked it, which added some additional work on our part getting transportation to the port. Fort Lauderdale was very pretty and it was quite warm for February. After a frightening cab ride from the airport to downtown (our hotel room wasn't ready yet), we ate lunch at a fancy Italian bistro. The food was delicious and quite filling, which was fine since we decided to walk to the hotel since it was only a few miles away. I don't regret walking, but we were both quite sweaty by the time we arrived.

The next day, we took a hotel-provided shuttle to the Miami port. We arrived early enough that any lines we waited in weren't very long. The check-in process was easy enough and soon we were onboard. We were so early that we couldn't go to our cabin yet, so we looked to see what activities we could participate in to pass the time. We ended up going to a couple of presentations in a row: one on activities that could be done onshore when we arrived at our destinations and one on good places to shop. While there were some activities that were far too expensive for us to consider (swimming with dolphins cost more than $400 a person), we decided that unguided snorkeling sounded like fun—and at $35 a head, it was also the most affordable. As for the shopping, that was more for Leah than for me, but I'm glad we went because there were a few items we found out about that were free, all we had to do was show up and present a coupon.

We're on a boat!

Kissing on the high seas

The first day the ship dropped anchor off the shore of Coco Cay, a private island owned by the cruise line. The nice thing about the island being owned by the cruise was that we didn't have to worry about having money on us for food when it was lunchtime. Ferries carried passengers back and forth all day. This was where Leah and I went snorkeling. We checked out our equipment, watched a short safety video and ventured forth. We did okay, but we both swallowed our share of water. After some time, we were tired and went back to get some sun. I applied sunscreen three separate times, but apparently missed my ankles, which were a little burned by that evening.

After lunch and some more lounging, we tried the water one more time. We were much more skilled the second time and enjoyed the experience much more. I even felt less tired as we traveled from site to site (there was a staged shipwreck and plane crash, both to attract us and offer fish protection). On our second trip out, we even saw a sea turtle grazing, which was very exciting.

We are super white 

Underwater selfies are hard! 

A fish 

A school of fish

What's that over there? 

 A SEA TURTLE!

The next day, we docked at Nassau, where we spent the morning shopping (that is, mostly getting free stuff). In the afternoon, we took a taxi to the beach. I'm glad that we snorkeled at the first island because there were no waves. Nassau's waves were all pretty small, but there were something.

 Is it weird that I took a picture of my wife taking a picture?

I've been familiar with the ways of pirates since high school

I don't know what Leah's supposed to be, but she's cute

Notice my red ankle 

This trip was only my second time leaving the US and the first time that I did so for pleasure. This was Leah's second cruise and we both really enjoyed our time. To anyone thinking about taking a cruise, I would heartily recommend it.

Wedding Party

After being sealed together at the Washington, DC Temple, Leah and I headed back up to Harford County for the wedding reception. When we arrived, preparations were still being made, though the majority had been done on the days leading up. What was left was mostly related to food. We had a relatively simple meal of baked ham, baked potatoes, and green beans, helpfully prepared by people of Debbie's ward.

Leah's younger brother Ryan and his wife Dana preparing food in the kitchen

Look at that spread!

We also had lots and lots of sugar. We had a hot chocolate bar (which used a cocoa mix that I made myself) with oodles of toppings and a chocolate fountain with lots dipping choices. We got lots of compliments on both features, though the biggest compliments were from our young nieces and nephews who, towards the end, were running around with chocolate smeared on their faces, resembling hyperactive Dickensian orphans.

Sherlin provided all of the calligraphy work 

A dream come true

Since we knew we’d be hungry, we scheduled dinner first, which was served buffet style (we already recruited cooks, I can't imagine recruiting servers). After some time to eat and visit, speeches were given by the Matron of Honor, Rachel, and the Best Man, Isaac. Rachel, one of two of Leah's best friends, gave a sweet speech about how she sees how happy I make Leah. Isaac’s speech was about how salt is a seasoning that brings out the best flavors in a dish and how Leah is the salt in my life. Both Leah and I were touched by their heartfelt words.

Raise your mugs in a toast!

Rachel mentioned that I made her a pie for her birthday, which helped win her over

I admit to being a little confused at the beginning of Isaac's speech at first, but he really brought it all together at the end

Next, came our first dance. We had a little trouble picking a song, largely because Leah and I have different musical preferences, but we settled on "All of Me" by John Legend—I liked it because it has a traditional jazz feel and she liked it because the lyrics are sweetly romantic. As we danced, we talked and made each other smile and even laugh, which is kind of perfect for us.

Looks like we caught Leah mid-giggle

After our first dance, the floor was opened for everyone to dance. (I may post our song list later, but one song that’s proven to be Leah’s "get-up-and-go" song, was featured early on.) We didn’t get a chance to do any more dancing because we were pulled away for more pictures.

 We are full of sugar, so we must dance!

Sugar highs lead to sugar crashes

Leah's oldest brother, Rob, had to leave the temple early and wasn't there when we exited, thus he missed the family pictures. Since he was at the reception, we decided to try again and gathered in the Relief Society room. Being in a heated building made pictures much easier than the chilly winds outside the temple, so everyone loosened up and had fun.

The newest member of the Grabowski family 

It's nice to have the support of my wife's family

After pictures and a little crowd work, we cut our wedding cake that Sherlin had very kindly prepared for us. Leah had warned me ahead of time not to smash the cake in my face, which I wasn't planning on anyway: smashing the cake in the bride or groom's face is only funny if it's unexpected, but people have been doing it for a long time, so it's no longer unexpected and thus not funny. The tiers that were sliced up were lemon-raspberry and funfetti with sprinkles of our colors of purple and silver, but the way they melted made the cake look like it was blueberry-flavored. Regardless, it was quite tasty.

The youngest guest, Emma, with the eldest guest, Grandma Bonnie

We even found a way to include Pinto!

Cut…

… and serve

Two flavor options

The time flew by and before we realized, it was time to leave. Instead of throwing rice or blowing bubbles, we had our guests hold up sparklers. (Our photographer told us later that she's seen sparkler send offs before, but ours was the best looking she’d ever seen.)

Sparks were really flying that night

Once we got to my car, we discovered that it had been "decorated." At some point during the reception, Margot came and got my keys from me, not saying why she needed them, so I assumed that the car was being prepared for our departure, though I wasn't prepared for what was actually done. The car had been plastic-wrapped to a nearby light pole, though that was easy enough to remove. What was particularly annoying was that the car was filled from floor to ceiling with balloons. I pulled out enough balloons from the passenger side so that Leah could get in, but when I started doing the same on the driver's side, someone took pity on me and passed me an unlit sparkler, of which I was able to use the handle to pop the remaining balloons. With the balloons gone, I got into the car and drove home with my new bride.

 That's not too bad

Leah thought it was funnier than I did

A man unamused

I'm really happy with how the wedding reception turned out. A lot of work was done by not a lot of people in a short period of time and I'm so happy with the result. The reception was a way for us to celebrate our new marriage with our friends and family, which I think we accomplished in spades.

Mere symbols of our covenants, but ones that match

Tuesdays with Media: Name and Address

Check out my latest short story on my other blog.

The Road to the Temple

We all know that Leah and I got married, but because I'd taken a break from blogging, I don't have an entry on it. Let's fix that.

After I proposed to Leah on December 25, 2016, I called to make an appointment for our sealing at the Washington, DC Temple. As the sister working in scheduling collected my information, she noticed that I had been previously sealed and asked if I had an approval letter to be sealed a second time. I told her that I did not and, in fact, didn't know that I needed one. She explained that she would not be able to book our sealing until after I received the approval letter and that I would need to contact my Bishop, who would start the process. I thanked her for her help and hung up.

The process for getting approved to be sealed a second time was not easy. I had to listed in as much detail as possible any sins I had committed since my previous sealing, even those resolved with priesthood leaders. That alone was emotionally grueling, but then I had to do it again for the Stake President. I met with my Bishop and Stake President multiple times, the latter of whom suggested that we consider a civil marriage with a sealing to follow a year later. Leah and I both prayed about that option and felt that despite the difficulties we were facing, we wanted to "do it right" and get married in the Temple.

After meeting with the Bishop and Stake President several more times, our paperwork was submitted to the First Presidency for review. A little over a month later, Leah and I were called in to meet with the Stake President, who informed us that he had heard from Salt Lake: we needed to resubmit in four months. That was frustrating, but we obeyed and on December 26, 2017, I finally received my approval letter, signed by President Monson.

Starting from when I had first proposed a year before, Leah had been planning our wedding and reception. By the time I got my approval letter, she had her dress, all of the decorations, and had hired a photographer. Unfortunately, the Washington, DC Temple was scheduled to close for two years for renovation on March 4, so we were running out time if we wanted to be married there. During her preparations, Leah had even got us significantly discounted cruise tickets that we hoped to use as our honeymoon, but that meant that we would need to be married before the cruise left on February 9. So, we picked February 3 as our wedding date, which gave us a nice numerical pneumonic: 2/3.

In what seemed like a mad rush, we scheduled time at the Temple for Leah's endowment and our sealing; booked the Cultural Hall at the chapel of the ward we'd be in as a married couple; designed, ordered, and mailed out our wedding invitations; and planned the menu and conscripted people to help with food. It was a flurry of work—most of which Leah is responsible for—but we got it all ready.

I'm really pleased with how the invitations turned out, especially since I wrote the text

Thus, on February 3, 2018 Leah and I were sealed for all eternity at the Washington, DC Temple, surrounded by our endowed friends and family (we had enough people in attendance that we were moved to one of the larger sealing rooms). While it was a lovely ceremony, what was truly wonderful was that we had made important covenants that will last beyond our mortal lives.

It took a while, but I'm glad we did it right

A kiss worth waiting for!

Afterwards, we went outside and took pictures with the rest of our family. It was chilly that day, though still surprisingly warm for early February. In between pictures, Leah and several of the women grabbed a coat to keep warm. We took all of the family pictures first so that our families could be excused. Once Leah, the photographer and I felt we had enough pictures outside the Temple, we drove back up to Harford, County to prepare for the reception.

Notice all of the coats and jackets

The memories made that day may fade and the pictures taken may be lost, but the covenants Leah and I made that day will last longer than man can comprehend. For that, I am truly grateful.